Horrible Day

You all know we've had our share of problems with Kayla, the internet and cell phones. I thought we had that behind us... but apparently not. For now, Kayla is not allowed to use the internet because she truly can't control herself when she's on it.... she's proved that again and again. I know she goes on it at school, but there is little I can do about that - and I assume that there are intelligent people at school making sure she stays out of trouble. The cell phone - well, she keeps taking phones and using them to talk to people when she's been on restriction. Just yesterday I was bragging about how Kayla has not been on restriction for the entire 9 weeks! Should have waited for the other shoe to fall I suppose.

Last night Chris was on the laptop looking up cell phone plans for Kayte - we're trying to determine the least expensive way to get her a prepaid cell phone or possibly add her to our cell plan. Chris pulls up my call history because he sees I have a TON of minutes used. He sees that I was on my cell phone last night for well over an hour - after 11 pm. He wonders who the hell I am talking to that late at night and why so long. Heck, my longest conversation with him is only 15 minutes at best. I tell him over and over that it wasn't me - I didn't call anyone! So.... I call the number to find out who was on the other line.

Kayla's boyfriend.

I was FURIOUS. She went down into my purse, stole my cell phone, took it up to her room and pretended like she was sleeping, talked to her boyfriend for well over an hour in a couple different calls, and then erased any incoming/outgoing calls from my phone's memory. In the morning, before I got up, she put the phone back in my purse. She thought she was so smart.

We looked at my call history to determine that she has done this on more than one occasion just this billing cycle. Her defense was that she thought I had unlimited nights and weekends so it would be fine. Oh my gosh, I am just so angry again typing this. I can't believe she took it and deceived us.... again.

I don't know what to do about this with her. I honestly don't. Her psychiatrist suggested she just not use the internet and not get a cell phone. But if she's going to take them regardless, then what do you do? I suppose you have to address the stealing and deceiving part of it. I remember once Julie got the kids cell phones. When Julie's cell bill hit $1,000 or so in a month because of Kayla's calls - she had to take them away. So.... getting her something like a phone to try to teach her responsibility isn't going to happen. I suppose more restriction is the only thing we can do. Oie!

On to Julie news....

Katie asked me for help determining what all Medications Julie was on and for what. She has three pages of medications: everything from asthma medicine to schizophrenia medicine. There are 30 prescriptions on the list, and I went through and told Katie what each one was for and what I thought she should ask the doctors/nurses about. For example: why does she need 3 medications for her bi-polar, 2 for depression and 2 for schizophrenia every single day? Of the 30 of them, 21 of them are every single day, leaving 9 of them to take 'as needed'. We're not talking about actual pills, we are talking about 30 or 21 actual different kinds of medications, many taken multiple times a day. In addition, she has several medications that are narcotics or 'addictive' and are taken on an 'as needed' basis - such as Vicoden. I told Katie that I thought she should mention to the nurses or doctors that she has a history of abuse of 'habit-forming' medications. The last thing anybody wants is for Julie to get hooked on medications while she's in for treatment and then when she's sent home (whenever that is) she feels that she needs some more of the meds. Thinking back... the last time she had problems with prescription medication abuse was after a hospital stay in the psyc ward, if I remember correctly.

I've always felt that Julie's psychiatrist tended to 'over-medicate' Julie... seeing this list of 30 different medications did nothing but make that feeling a little stronger. I mean.... let me count them.... she takes 37 pills a day on a regular basis according to this list. If she took all the medications on her 'as needed' list in one day, she'd be taking a total of 68 pills. Holy cow. Of course, she wouldn't have a day when she'd need to take the stomach medication and a headache pills... well, no.... maybe she would. Sixty eight folks. This makes me feel so sad for Julie. It also makes me wish even more that she could go to one of those wonderful places Dr. Phil sends his guests. That would be a dream come true for sure. Sixty eight. Sigh....

I also don't have all the info yet, but I do know that Julie is hearing things in her head right now. We need to find out if it's voices or noises (not sure what the difference is, if there is a difference) - but Julie did say that she was hearing things in her head now. One has to wonder if it might be even remotely possible that all those pills could contribute something to that... I mean... I don't think she was hearing things while she was home. Maybe she was and she just didn't want to say anything . In any case... it's very sad for Julie. Please keep Julie in your prayers.

I also read her involuntary placement paperwork from the State and found some of it to be really interesting. The recommended placement is for 3 months, with an option being to go to 6 months if needed. The reason for placement: mood swings, suicidal thoughts and attempt, history of non-compliance with medications. The court document states that Julie is "incapable of surviving alone or with the help or willing and responsible family or friends, including available alternative services, and without treatment is likely to suffer from neglect or refuse to care for herself, and such neglect or refusal to poses a real and present threat of substantial harm to the patient's well being". Additionally "It is found that a Guardian Advocate is necessary to act on the patient's behalf in issues relating to express and informed consent to psychiatric and medical treatment in that the patient is incompetent to consent to treatment because the patient's judgment is so affected by her mental illness that the patient lacks the capacity to make well reasoned, willful and knowing decisions concerning treatment". I found this wording to be dead-on accurate. I also saw that the court had a person there who was going to be appointed to be Julie's guardian, but instead Katie took the 4 hour course and agreed to do it. This is GREAT for Julie... mainly because Katie really cares about Julie's well-being, unlike someone who may not from a State office.

So I also wanted to tell you about my birthday last night. We were supposed to go to my mother in law's for dinner. When we got there - she had gone WAAAAY above and beyond. What a spread she had... she made home made bourbon chicken with white rice, some kind of chicken fettuccine dish, corn, green beans, bread, a huge salad, strawberry shortcake, cake, ice cream... I'm sure I must be forgetting something - it was awesome! Those who came were mom, Katie, Tony and Tatiana, Danny, Evie and Jimmie, Amanda and Gene and of course Chris and all 4 kids. It was just great.

Jimmie didn't look very well the whole time. He seemed.... tired.... just not himself. After we left we found out he was having some heart problems and Evie took him up to the hospital where he was admitted. Remember, he had the multiple heart attacks last year. All I know right now is that his BP was very low (around 85/45) and he wasn't getting much oxygen in his blood. They are scheduling him for a stress test today... and I'm chomping at the bits to not call Evie every 30 minutes to ask her how he is doing. I also have been told that his kidneys are failing for some reason... not sure why or what is going on there.

Evie must have said it to me 5 times this morning... my party didn't do this to him. Although I know that is true -- I also think that everyone being there while he wasn't feeling well might have caused a great deal of stress and made him a little more tired than he would have been on a normal night. On the positive side of that, maybe the additional stress made him go to the ER quicker than he'd have gone if he just went to bed and thought he'd sleep it off. Early treatment for these kinds of things is key. I dunno... but please keep him in your prayers.

Okay - just got another call that INFURIATED me. Kayla had asked me yesterday if she could go to dinner with her boyfriend Wednesday night. This was before I knew she was stealing my cell phone and using it, and I did say 'yes'. We're supposed to talk about her 'restriction' tonight, it was too last and Chris and I were too angry last night to really decide on a logical punishment for her. So, Justin calls and asks me if I know that Kayla didn't come home after school today. No... of course I didn't know that. The rule is -- they come home after school and from that time until 5 pm they are to do homework, study, and do chores. No TV, no friends, no phone, no internet... so of course I wouldn't have let her go to her boyfriend's house... in particular with no adults home yet. Even if his mom was home... it's still after school, she hasn't gone home, and she's already on my shit list.

I call Kayla and she says that she asked me yesterday if she could go to dinner with her boyfriend tonight and I said yes. I said - "how does that equate to you walking to his house after school????" She says she asked me if it was okay - I am 100% positive she did not - I would have never let her go there after school, even if I wasn't already mad about the cell phone. Remember... I was pregnant at 17, I know full-well what teenager boyfriend/girlfriends do if left alone at home for a period of time. I can't believe she's telling me that she really thought that I said it was okay. She is bold face lying. Sadly, I'm not surprised.

Now Chris has to get off work early to go and pick her up. (He too doesn't wan her left alone with her boyfriend at his home alone) Getting off work early means a cut in pay. I wonder if Kayla thinks about the repercussions of her actions? Probably not. Sigh.....

Then Julie calls me. She reminds me what "all teenagers do"... and reminds me of my pregnancy (as if I needed reminding). I am going to stop on a soapbox on this one.... I think that for parents or adults to respond with 'everyone does it' or 'we used to do it' or 'they are going to do it eventually' or 'they are going to do it even if you tell them not to' -- therefore making it okay -- is a HUGE mistake. What kind of morals are we teaching our kids if we talk like this?? And it's not just Julie by any means.... I see this a lot in society nowadays, and it drives me nuts. An extreme example is that video of the Uncle who said he gave his young Nephew (I think he was 3) pot. He says that it was okay because "he was going to do it eventually. I'd rather he learn it from me than out on the streets". What kind of WHACK thinking is that??

It may seem extreme and you may think that this kind of thing is extremely isolated... but I believe that we as adults and parents are graying too many lines. As we continue to let our kids push the line just a little which moves that line just a bit - over time - it changes everything. As we take what was blatantly wrong when we were kids and tell our kids it's a little bit okay (graying the line), it changes everything. It certainly will change who they are and how they parent their own kids. We are little by little changing the moral face of society.

As I'm looking online for something great written by someone else to put here, I found this: "Today's kids are being raised in a much more morally toxic atmosphere than previous generations for two reasons. First, a number of critical social factors that nurture moral character are slowly disintegrating: adult supervision, models of moral behavior, spiritual or religious training, meaningful adult relationships, personalized schools, clear national values, community support, stability, and adequate parents. Second, our kids are being steadily bombarded with outside messages that go against the values we are trying to instill. Both factors make it much harder for parents to raise moral kids. Today's parents can no longer sit back and assume their kids become decent human beings. Deliberately teaching the moral virtues and habits is the best assurance parents have that their kids will lead moral lives."

Yeah, that was what I was trying to say!

Now I've just got to calm down before I get home. I hate trying to discipline when I am angry. Trying to be firm yet fair when you are angry is very difficult. But it's time to go home... so wish me luck.........

Again, please keep Jimmie Dean (Chris's step father), Julie and all the kids in your prayers. They lift us up more than you can possibly imagine.

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6