Kids and Julie

It occurred to me last night a reason why God may have led me back to Toast of Tampa. With the hustle and bustle of every-day happenings now that the kids are back in school... it's nice to have a few hours on Tuesday night when it's just me.

Yesterday was our Kayla day. We found out that Kayla is failing one of her classes. She promises to 'bring it up' but - we tell all the kids, all the time - you shouldn't HAVE to bring anything UP... you should not let the grade go down to begin with. UGG

Yesterday morning between 6 and 6:30 she had THREE telephone calls from kids on our home phone. Guess who for? Yepper, Kayla. Yeah, loving waking up to that. Rrrrrrrright. She told me that she didn't call them (which I was certain was not true because I went into her room about 5:30 and saw her laying in bed WITH the phone. I told her at that time NOT to call anyone - cell phone or not - that early in the morning, that it was rude. Of course, she said she didn't call them... so I picked up the phone and called these three folks and talked to them, telling them NEVER to call my house that early in the morning. Of course, they all said they were returning Kayla's phone call. Yepper... caught in yet another lie.

Then I get home after work last night and one of Kayla's friend's mom calls.... Kayla lost her daughter's earrings and they were expensive. (In the neighborhood of $250-$300). In addition, her daughter left her expensive sneakers (known as "Air Force") over our house and Kayla let some OTHER girl borrow them. The mom holds me responsible. I guess I would too if the shoe were on the other foot. So Kayla looks all night for these earrings and finally finds them. I suppose she's getting the shoes back today as well.

So... I'm talking to Julie on my way into chorus and I tell her about Kayla. She tells me...... oh lordy this just irks me to think about, much less type it out..... she tells me "ya know, when Kayla lived with me I didn't let her do those things". OKAY NOW. Yeah, she didn't let her borrow earrings... she just let her smoke blunts, have sex, go wherever, eat everywhere but home, and hang out with gang members. Yeah... but heck no, Julie was a good mom and didn't let her borrow things from friends. Is she KIDDING ME? Being the good-spirited person that I am, I immediately dropped the subject and moved on.

Julie then tells me that she has something to tell me... because she doesn't want to lie to me. She has this guy - 23 years old and from out of state that she knows only from meeting him on the internet - moving in with her to be her new boyfriend. Now, first of all you have to realize that she dates a LOT of men. As I've mentioned before, she has the sex addict problem and therefore has no problem (even at her weight) getting men/sex. It's one of the "top 3" things the kids listed as wanting changed before they moved back home. However, the State has no plans to address the problem. N-E ways.... this guy is moving in with her... she says "I didn't want him to, but he talked me into it". Well, ain't that a sign of problems to come! Men moving in with Julie is not unusual... it happens all the time. He'll last a month - maybe a short bit more or less - then she'll get tired of him and kick him out. In the past she's had problems with this as most of the men don't have jobs or money or half a brain -- and as you and I know... kicking someone out of your house once they've moved in is not always an easy thing to do. As soon as you've allowed them to move in, regardless of whether they are paying or not paying, they have rights under the law. So yeah, look for problems to come with this.

I also called yesterday and scheduled Kayla for a Psychiatrist appointment. It's mid-October, but it's all they had. Lovely. They asked me if I wanted her evaluated by their doc or tested somewhere else. I didn't know how to answer that... I didn't know that they actually TESTED for disorders such as bipolar or ADD. I just scheduled her for the evaluation, but I think I am going to call and get information on testing. Maybe the Tricare can help me with finding someone who tests. Oh, and the Psyc. doctor's office folks were awesome. When I gave them the last name they knew who I was (apparently lots of state workers have been requesting Justin's records from when he had the one exam at the same office). The woman tells me... "Ma'am, I just want you to know that I know about your case and what you are doing for those kids and I think it's awesome of you for doing all that you are doing." Wow... did NOT expect to hear that, I almost cried right there and then.

When I told Julie about Kayla's appointment, she declares that she is positive that Kayla does NOT have anything wrong with her. "She can't be bipolar because she loves herself too much" Julie tells me. She tells me that everyone who is bipolar does not like themselves and has a very low self esteem. I was concerned because Julie does know a LOT about being bipolar. In addition to just having it herself, she hangs out in some bipolar chat-room all the time. I think she's even a moderator. So... surely she knows what she is talking about. So I looked it up online and Julie was incorrect, well incorrect for a manic episode which Kayla is in most of the time. The things online that met with Kayla's moods/behavior: happy, expansive, optimistic mood (feeling “high,” feeling better than ever), impaired judgment; unpredictable, excessive involvement in pleasurable or high risk activities, high physical and mental energy; excited; a feeling of high intelligence and creativity, extremely talkative, inflated self-importance, extremely sociable, impulsive . Now... maybe all of her symptoms are just symptoms of a extremely happy kid who just makes very poor decisions at times. But the risk factor of one of the kids being bipolar is so high because their mom has it and I think it's a good idea to rule it out.

I called the new case worker, Natalia, yesterday. She's not yet returned my call... hopefully she will today without me having to call her multiple times. I need to go over a few things with her... to tell her about Kayla's therapist and now appt with the psychiatrist. Tell her about Julie's visit and that she has another one tonight (God help me). Ask her about the next court date and if it's open or not. I need to ask about Amanda having a background check and being fingerprinted. And of course I want to ask if she's really okay with having a 23-year olf man whom Julie has never before met move in with her. Lots of stuff to talk about - but OH the slow moving wheels of the state government!

Chris just called and got another side job - from a blog reader and church friend, Peggy! Thank you so much! Every little bit helps... and it's great so see him start to get some work on his own.

Progress reports for all the kids are due out next week. Of all the kids, I'd ask you to pray the most for Jonathan. He usually get a lot of zeros... and gets into a LOT of trouble for it. This year he asked us to just let him try it on his own at first to 'prove to us' that he could do it on his own. All A's and B's is what we are hoping for. We're not going to cry too much over C's, but D's and F's - for all kids - are punishment-worthy.

I don't know if everyone that reads the blog knows it or not, but when we talk about Jonathan and school or social things, it's important to know that he has a condition called "Asperger Syndrome", which is a mild form of Autism. Here is some information on Asperger Syndrome: Persons with AS show marked deficiencies in social skills, have difficulties with transitions or changes and prefer sameness. They often have obsessive routines and may be preoccupied with a particular subject of interest. They have a great deal of difficulty reading body language and very often the individual with AS has difficulty determining proper body space. Often overly sensitive to sounds, tastes, smells, and sights, the person with AS may prefer soft clothing, certain foods, and be bothered by sounds or lights no one else seems to hear or see. It's important to remember that the person with AS perceives the world very differently. Therefore, many behaviors that seem odd or unusual are due to those neurological differences and not the result of intentional rudeness or bad behavior, and most certainly not the result of "improper parenting". Many individuals exhibit exceptional skill or talent in a specific area. Because of their high degree of functionality and their naiveté, those with AS are often viewed as eccentric or odd and can easily become victims of teasing and bullying. While language development seems, on the surface, normal, vocabularies may be extraordinarily rich and some children sound like "little professors." However, persons with AS can be extremely literal and have difficulty using language in a social context.

So you see... it's difficult to parent sometimes because there ARE some things which he should be able to control (Last year one progress report in one class had ELEVEN zeros) -- yet other things he can't control (as described above). Sometimes we forget that he even has the problem. It was easier when he had monthly check-ups with his doctor for it when we lived down south - we'd go in for the appointment and talk about his problems and he'd tell us, 'ah yes, classic symptom of asperger syndrome'... and talk to Jonathan about how to better focus to overcome the obstacle. Now he just goes to 3-month medication checks with a family doctor. It's less expensive and far easier on us, but again, we miss out on seeing the doc who knows all about AS.

Wish me luck tonight - Julie has her visit. She's supposed to be bringing over Church's Chicken and I'll just provide the sides. Lets hope that this will make things run a little smoother. I know it'll still be chaotic - it seems to follow Julie - but hopefully I won't have to work as hard. I believe she is bringing something that she wants me to make for dessert. I am not sure how to react to that, partly because I've done really good losing these 35 lbs and Julie (obviously) could care less about the weight she's gaining - and partly because I don't want to be forced to cook anything.

Please pray for all of us... the kids, Chris, myself, and our extended family who support us every day. I realize that every day is a life-altering day for Julie's kids while they are with us - and I realize that doing what we do without your prayers and support would be impossible. You lift us every day with each thought and prayer. God has put it in my heart to put my daily happenings out on the blog to reach out to other people for support. Please 'comment' when you can (link on the bottom right of each post), it means a lot knowing that you are out there thinking of us and praying for us.

Someday, from your mansion in heaven, you will look back on this day and smile, because you will realize that your light and momentary troubles were achieving for you an eternal glory that far outweighs them all in comparison. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)