Today's service was AWESOME. Chris and I did the praise team thing... and it was really an awesome experience. Not the singing... I mean... the singing WAS great, but the worship.... it just took my personal worship to a whole new level. I didn't think that was possible. Yet again - God knows what he's doing in my life. Imagine that!
Which is kinda what the service today was about. Why God sometimes doesn't make sense. How things can seem so unfair, or stupid, or random, or even wrong sometimes... but in the grand scheme of things... in GOD'S plan... it all makes perfect sense. And of course, I couldn't help but think of my life and what God is doing with me.
It's really funny actually... I never - EVER - thought that I would be one of those people who believed wholeheartedly in the 'greater good'.... in the 'bigger plan'. Yet, that's exactly where I find myself... and I really don't know HOW or WHY.
A year and a half ago, when Ron died (the 'bad sisters' husband and father to the nieces and nephew I'm raising) I was VERY angry with God. I didn't attend church. I didn't pray. I didn't think about Him at all in my day-to-day life. And.... I didn't really miss it. I felt like every day was just.... another day on earth bringing me one day closer to the day I'd die. No biggie... just like ants in an ant farm... doing what I need to do every day to get by. On the occasion I thought of God, Jesus and/or Ron... I felt anger. Anger that the God that I used to worship could have let this wonderful man die, leaving behind a mentally ill wife who was incapable of raising their three young teenage kids. How often I thought "What kind of a God is that??" with anger in my heart.
Life for me was really falling apart and I was almost unaware of it. Like an ant that can SEE the walls in the tunnel behind him caving in - but presses on never thinking WHY it happened or what would happen if the walls over my head caved in. Just... living day to day. Some things happened with my employer and I was let go, and I found myself out of a job with no place else to go for the first time in - well, ever. Shortly thereafter Chris was let go from his job. Our lives were falling apart. Yes indeed. And trust-you-me... I asked "WHY?????" a LOT. Why me? Why us? Why this? Why now? Was it because I was angry with God and he was striking me back? What did I do to deserve this? And all of this just gave me all the more reason to be angry with God.
Only 2 weeks after I was let go, I got a job for a company I'd never even heard of before; it was a very small company run by two brothers. I'd have to sell parts to power plants and large factories. Me? Sell???? Huh.. I can't do that! God new better. Chris began working on his own... as a handyman. As he quickly found out, he LOVED it - he could fix something or remodel something and actually SEE the end result. And best of all... he's GOOD at it! God knew what he was doing when He moved us out of those jobs and into these jobs. We still had no intention of going to Church. Still angry with God. Then my boss, David Pero, began to work on me... telling me that I needed to find a church to call home. Preaching to me almost daily. Ministering to me daily, telling me of the good works God has done and does do for him every single day. One week, it all kinda came to a head... my boss kept preaching to me, asking me to go to Church - 'try VanDyke' he said... it's close and it's the Church he and his family used to attend when they lived nearby. The very same day, my mom calls my cell phone. I didn't answer so she left me a message. She tells me that she ran into this really nice guy at Tampa General, Bill Atkinson... and how awesome he was... and that she thinks I should go to his Church on Sunday... VanDyke. She calls me to see if I got her message... and of course (being in the angry 'anti-God' mood I had been in) I told her I heard it, when in fact I had heard her start to preach to me and I immediately deleted the message. She - knowing me better than anyone else (gotta love moms) knew I was lying so she told me the whole story again. Our friends, Denise and Arne Helbig that same week had talked to us about going to their Church.... you guessed it, VanDyke. I finally looked up to the sky and said "OKAY! I get it... I'm GOING". So... that Sunday we attended and immediately felt it.
We walked into the church and felt the genuine love and warmth from everyone there. Unlike my prior churches - people came up to welcome us for coming. Again.... genuine love and warmth from them. Then the service began... and the music blew us away. Chris and I being musically motivated were immediately drawn to the music. In the Catholic service, our memorized prayer was our 'gift' to God. Here... our voices lifted up in song... was our worship to God. Wow... what a feeling.
Of course, that same week we attended Choir rehearsal. They were learning the Christmas music and we wanted to be a part of it. This was probably October sometime. Chris and I immediately felt the love and support of the church and the choir. It's hard to describe it, but it brought me strength... hope....... strength and hope for what I didn't yet know about. But I was soon to find out.
Sometime in November I remember getting the call about Julie having to go into the hospital. What you have to realize is, this kind of thing happens with Julie ALL the time. She's been Baker's Acted more times than I can count. I took the call and told Chris "I should go over to Julie's house". She's in Riverview, I'm in Carrollwood. Chris said... "hun, you know this happens all the time, it'll be fine. There's nothing for you to do there anyways". I knew he was right... this DID happen all the time. Julie would pawn her kids off to neighbors until she got out of the hospital. This would be no different. I sit to watch Television with Chris... and again... that feeling -- that I needed to GO to Julie's house. I looked at Chris and just said... "Hon, I HAVE to go, I don't know why, but I know... I HAVE to go". So off I went.
What I saw when I got there was surreal. Julie inside screaming at everyone. She wouldn't even allow me to step on her property (as if I had done anything wrong to her at this point!) This young Gang kid outside yelling at me, telling me he was going to kill me. Even the police were upset by everything going on there. Apparently - Julie had overdosed the night before - hoping to die. She woke up and was 1) pissed off to be alive and 2) pissed off because she had no pot in the house. The police took Julie away and were going to call the Department of Children and Families (DCF), but I offered to take the kids with me. Had I not been there... had GOD not put it in my heart for me to go.... those kids WOULD be in the foster program today. No question. No doubt. God knew.
Of course DCF came to Julie's house once she got out of the hospital and the kids were back home with her. They made it very clear to Julie what had to happen in her house so that they would not take the kids. Tip of the iceberg: she had to get clean, the guys living there had to move out, she had to take her meds as prescribed. At the follow-up visit, none of this had happened, and she had cut herself and taken meds wrong and the guy had not yet moved out - so DCF took the kids. Again, I offered to take them in my home as I just couldn't see them going into foster care.
It was at this point that Chris and I realized we would have the kids for a while. 6 months minimum... 1 year more possible... forever was not out of the question. I almost typed in that last sentence "If we took the kids"... but honestly... "IF" was never an option. I NEVER questioned it. I never thought of what it would do to me, or our kids, or our home, or our finances... I just KNEW that we were supposed to do this.
Our daughter Amanda had just moved out so we had a spare bedroom. Doug, Chris's dad, was living with us, so it was going to be a full house. But - again - we knew. Things changed at home... Doug had more strokes and had to go to an Assisted Living Facility, and low and behold... Amanda needed to move back home! Coincidence? Nope... again... God's plan.
Members of VanDyke were always there to help us when we needed it. Food... marriage counseling to hold us together through this difficult adjustment.... heck, even help once with the electric bill. Simply amazing.
The really odd thing as I think about this looking back.... even as ANGRY as I was with God... when this all happened, I never ONCE questioned "why". Never. And I really don't know why. I am - by absolutely NO means - any kind of super faithful person.
I now realize that we were brought to our knees back then for a reason. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that GOD sent me to Church that Sunday. The Church gave me the support that we needed to handle what was going to happen only a short while later. And this faith I have inside my heart... this calmness and no urge to ever question 'why'.... I am certain that it comes only from God... and I totally know that I am undeserving of that gift. Gift. It is a gift... People will sometimes say to me "I have no idea how you do it"... and I just look at them... not really knowing what to say. I know I've said it before, but I KNOW God is in charge, and I completely and fully trust him.
As so here I sit.... wondering why I don't question why. Knowing that it's a gift from God. And knowing that I'm undeserving of this. And yet at the same time, hoping that His gift continues... for I know I have a difficult road still ahead.
Julie is doing so much better. Plans will be moving forward soon for reunification with the kids, and I've grown quite an attachment to them. I need to remember that whatever happens... it's God's plan. I often find myself thinking that Julie could never be the kind of mother I am to these kids... especially as it pertains to school. And yet, I KNOW, this is not my call. When God wants Julie to be back with her Children, it'll happen. Soon (November I believe) Julie will have another court date, and I have to try to find the healthy balance between saying what I feel / expressing my concerns about her parenting and not being overly harsh just because I want to keep the kids.
All of you avid blog readers out there... I'm also certain that YOUR prayers lift me up as well. I've said it before and I'll say it again... I can almost FEEL the strength as a result of the prayers you lift to God. Your continual prayers are very much appreciated. And I just love it when you leave me comments... so please feel free to do that as well.
I leave you with this quote which might just sum up some of what I've posted about faith in this blog.
"We think having faith means being convinced God exists in the same way we are convinced a chair exists. People who cannot be completely convinced of God’s existence think faith is impossible for them. Not so. People who doubt can have great faith because faith is something you do, not something you think. In fact, the greater your doubt the more heroic your faith." Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com
My sister has had mental problems all of her life. In December 2005 she was into drugs and gangs and consequently lost custody of her three kids, ages 12, 13 and 14. Her kids were going to be sent to foster care and I knew we had to take them in. With the addtion of the kids plus our son, our Daughter and Chris's father we were suddenly a family of eight! I thought it would help to keep a journal of the daily happenings of our lives as it seems that every day holds something new for us.
Have Tina's Daily Blog sent to your email address:
Blog Archive
-
▼
2006
(179)
-
▼
August
(17)
- Julie's Therapist
- Kids and Julie
- Wonderment, Cabs and Shrinks, Oh My!
- Open House and Da Rat!
- This Weekend
- One Of The Worst Nights Ever
- Why God?
- Busy Week & Hard Lessons
- Heloise-shemoloise!
- Feeling Sick - Last Thing I Needed
- As The World Turns
- Kids Start School, Let The Bad Behavior Begin!
- Amanda Goes To Church
- Drive Me C-R-A-Z-Y
- Amanda, Continued
- The Attack
- Maybe Now Is The Time
-
▼
August
(17)
Followers
About Me
- Tina
- Someday, from your mansion in heaven, you will look back on this day and smile, because you will realize that your light and momentary troubles were achieving for you an eternal glory that far outweighs them all in comparison. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)
My Favorite Places and People
Blog Stats
In A Nutshell:
Here is a letter I sent to Dr. Phil which really sums everything up:
I am married to my high-school sweetheart (20 years this August), with two wonderful children (Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13). I have two sisters, both younger – I call them “my good sister” and “my bad sister”. My good sister is – well, good! Normal in every way. The bad one, Julie, has been in trouble since she was a kid. As a baby she cried all of the time. As a teenager she was in trouble all of the time. At the age of 14 or so I remember that she had run away from home to live with a grown man in Atlanta. This was one of many run a ways. As a teenager, she provided sexual favors to boys in school, as well as teachers. As a young adult she was arrested for prostitution. She’s done drugs ranging from marijuana to crack. She was diagnosed early on as bi-polar with personality disorder. She’s also a serious cutter to the point where she no longer hid the cuts. She’s cut things like “Ronald Cecchinni” into her arm… and “Fuck you Dr. XXX” on her stomach, in large letters. Julie is also a diagnosed sex-addict. She’s also recently (in the past year) begun ‘huffing’. (I honestly believe that this huffing has caused some permanent damage) She is currently 36yo.
Julie lost her husband Ron a year and a half ago as a result of Leukemia and Kidney Disease which the military attributed to his serving in the Gulf War. He left behind three children – Kayla who is now 15, Justin who is now 14 and Kayte who is now 13. Even when Julie was married, her psychiatric problems persisted. She has been hospitalized literally hundreds of times over the years. However, when her husband was alive, he would take care of the kids when Julie was mentally out of control. After Ron died, Julie lost control of the kids and her life. She began to spiral out of control, having pot parties at her home (to the point where the kids said a door would open and a cloud of smoke would come bellowing out of the room), smoking weed with her own kids, having sex all over the house with different men all the time, allowing young men (19 yo) to sleep over with her oldest daughter (only 14 at the time), and allowing Gang members to live in her home (she said she felt ‘safe’ with them there). In addition, she was attempting suicide daily, overdosing on medications hoping to not wake up the next morning. Mind you all of this while she was seeing her Psychologist every week and Psychiatrist once a month. Both of these Doctors knew what was going on at home, neither of them reported it to the proper authorities. I have even been told by one of them that he was told, by Julie, that she ‘heard voices telling her to hurt the children’ but that she was proud that she could ignore the voices. Still, these Doctors reported nothing.
I should add here that it was at some point in this period of time in Julie’s life when her children began suicide watches over their mom… each one taking turns to sit in a room with her at all hours (night and day) because their mom was less-likely to hurt herself while they were here. However, it didn’t always work – Julie constantly took pills in front of them trying to either dope herself up or overdose, and she would even cut herself in front of the kids.
Finally one day, she woke up furious that her last suicide attempt didn’t work. She got violent with her oldest daughter, police were called, and finally DCF was called. (I would like to add that we (other family members) had called DCF in the past to report things, but some of the cases were ‘unfounded’ and one other time the fled the state knowing CF only had jurisdiction in Florida.) DCF removed the children from the home in November 2005 and I gained custody of the Children shortly thereafter.
There are lots of things I could add here about my sister, DCF, and the horrible Foster Care or Custodial Care program we are involved with. However, that is not my main reason for writing to you.
Kayte, the youngest, seems to be adjusting pretty well. She has a tendency to trivialize what her mom has done and the seriousness of it, but I think that is normal given that it is her mom. Kayte was in counseling, but she feels it’s ‘a waste of time’.
Justin, the middle child, is okay. As a young boy I'm told he was a terror. He used to hit his mother and at one point (only 6yo) tried to jump off a building to kill himself. Since then, his anger has turned in to an endless smothering of love and caring. He does everything for his mom… from getting her whatever she needs to rubbing her feet and back. Justin has seen a psychiatrist since moving in with me who felt that his issues were brought on by trauma. It was also at that visit with the psychiatrist that he confided in myself and the Doctor that he had suicidal thoughts often while living at home with his mom in her ‘state of being’ after his dad died. However, since he moved in with me he has done so much better (and continues to improve daily) that she didn’t feel he even needed counseling at this time. He would, however, need counseling before he was reunited with his mom.
Kayla, the oldest, has serious issues. She is also currently in counseling but feels that it is ‘a waste of time’. Kayla has always lied and stolen things. Family members feel sorry for her because you can tell that she doesn’t really mean any ill will by it, but it’s been ‘the way she is’ for a very long time. By far her biggest problems are lying and her need for approval by men (young and old).
Since the kids have moved in with us, my husband and I have set up rules. The kids already had myspace accounts, so we set ground rules for it. 1) We needed the login names and passwords. 2) Profiles must be set to private. 3) The only people they were allowed to have on their friends list was people that they actually knew. When Kayla’s list climbed over 300, and she was found to have inappropriate conversations (wanting to sneak out and ‘hook up’ with young men), we made everyone cut their list down to 30 friends, which included myself. 4) All vulgar language and inappropriate photos would come off immediately and would be monitored by myself at any given time. At times, they try to put up ‘sexy’ pictures which immediately need to come down.
However recently I have found that she has multiple website things going on in an attempt to pick up young men. I'll outline a few here so that you understand the gravity of the situation: 1) I found her 'normal' myspace account set to 'public view'. She has over 11,000 profile views(meaning people looking at her pictures and wanting to know more about her). I had reset it to private many times, but she keeps going back and resetting it to public. 2) I have found another myspace account which she went by the name 'Shannon' and used it to pick up young men, tease them, then later tell them that she was 'taken' but refer them to her 'cousin, Kayla'. She'd then give them all of Kayla's information. Of course thiswas also set to public. 3) I have found another social network website that was like myspace in which she had ONLY men (mostly from other states) as her 'friends' whom she corresponded with. The emails back and forth basically said the same thing as all of the others... more on that in #4 - only these were guys that not only did she not know, but they were not even in the area! 4) All accounts that I have found had basically the same thing... her emailing guys wanting to know if she was pretty, if they wanted to 'hook up', talking about going to their 'crib' or meeting up with them somewhere, and constantly seeking approval and affirmation from these guys.
I believe she gets this from her mom. And the sad thing is, if you met her, you would love her. She is truly a GREAT kid… but she has serious issues. I’ve described to you Julie’s behavior and Kayla’s seems to be the same way. Neither can make decisions on their own that are ‘the right thing to do’, and both lack the understanding of simple values, morals and ethics. I could go into so many examples. How do I describe the utterly amazing difference between Julie’s parenting style and my own?
I know... Both Julie and I have myspace accounts set up to ‘monitor’ the kids. To illustrate the difference between Julie and myself, here is something that Julie and I both put on our myspace accounts. You are supposed to put something 'about yourself' by your picture. Here is mine: "I'm 38 years old. I have two amazing kids, Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13. I have great husband, Chris. I love to sing - and have been singing in Toast of Tampa Show Chorus for 10 years. I'm raising my nieces and nephew (12, 13 and 14). I love God and my family."And here is Julie's: "I am who I am and if you dont like me for me........FUCK YOU........ Plus if you dont like me for me....... Im gunna tell my kids and there gunna kick yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here’s the other dilemma we are having; the two girls are in counseling that is costing me $25 EACH in co-payments every time they go. The State of Florida provides NO financial support to me as a relative caregiver, other than providing the three kids with Medicaid. They received small SSI checks because of their dad’s death, but it barely covers the food they consume. The DCF worker, having spoke with the girls and being told that therapy is ‘a waste of time’, has referred me to a clinic that DCF uses for cases such as this to seek mental care for Kayla (aswell as the others). However, the kids have TriCare as their primary insurance because their dad died from Military causes. TriCare requires the co-payment, regardless of the Medicaid secondary. Having said that, please understand that I worked in referrals in a primary care physician’s office for 16 years… I totally ‘get’ what is required for primary and secondary insurances and all the red tape. But because of the uniqueness of this situation, the kids are suffering!
I should also point out here that I have the kids for an indefinite period of time. Right now Julie is doing things that she has been told to do to get the kids back. However, she is still awaiting a court ordered detailed Psychiatric exam to determine if she can EVER parent again. Even if that Psychiatrist feels she can parent again, she’ll most likely need to be ‘clean’ and ‘episode-free’ for 6 months to a year minimum. In addition, Julie is only allowed supervised visits and one phone call a day. This came about because of her inappropriate behavior when she was with the kids and because when she was allowed to call any time she’d call 10 + times a day.
The other problem with Julie ever getting her children back is that… she doesn’t understand what she did wrong. She parents as if she were 15-years old herself. If anyone has ever done something bad and been able to ‘keep’ their kids, she sees no reason she can’t do it. She brought her daughter at the age of 13 in for a HUGE tattoo on the small of her back. It’s Tigger flipping ‘the bird’ with her gang name under it. She was also planning on getting a large tattoo on her 12yo before the kids were taken. Again, she sees nothing wrong with any of her past behavior.
So, you see, I could have these children for the rest of their teenage years. I honestly don’t know where to turn to get them the help they need.
I feel as if I am in a psychiatric nightmare and I just can’t wake up. Eight months ago I was at home, my biggest ‘kid worry’ was if my son was going to get good grades on his report card. Now I find myself in a crux worried about whether or not the lessons I teach them, this late in their young life, are going to be enough to turn these kids around and help them to be productive adults in the near future.
I am married to my high-school sweetheart (20 years this August), with two wonderful children (Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13). I have two sisters, both younger – I call them “my good sister” and “my bad sister”. My good sister is – well, good! Normal in every way. The bad one, Julie, has been in trouble since she was a kid. As a baby she cried all of the time. As a teenager she was in trouble all of the time. At the age of 14 or so I remember that she had run away from home to live with a grown man in Atlanta. This was one of many run a ways. As a teenager, she provided sexual favors to boys in school, as well as teachers. As a young adult she was arrested for prostitution. She’s done drugs ranging from marijuana to crack. She was diagnosed early on as bi-polar with personality disorder. She’s also a serious cutter to the point where she no longer hid the cuts. She’s cut things like “Ronald Cecchinni” into her arm… and “Fuck you Dr. XXX” on her stomach, in large letters. Julie is also a diagnosed sex-addict. She’s also recently (in the past year) begun ‘huffing’. (I honestly believe that this huffing has caused some permanent damage) She is currently 36yo.
Julie lost her husband Ron a year and a half ago as a result of Leukemia and Kidney Disease which the military attributed to his serving in the Gulf War. He left behind three children – Kayla who is now 15, Justin who is now 14 and Kayte who is now 13. Even when Julie was married, her psychiatric problems persisted. She has been hospitalized literally hundreds of times over the years. However, when her husband was alive, he would take care of the kids when Julie was mentally out of control. After Ron died, Julie lost control of the kids and her life. She began to spiral out of control, having pot parties at her home (to the point where the kids said a door would open and a cloud of smoke would come bellowing out of the room), smoking weed with her own kids, having sex all over the house with different men all the time, allowing young men (19 yo) to sleep over with her oldest daughter (only 14 at the time), and allowing Gang members to live in her home (she said she felt ‘safe’ with them there). In addition, she was attempting suicide daily, overdosing on medications hoping to not wake up the next morning. Mind you all of this while she was seeing her Psychologist every week and Psychiatrist once a month. Both of these Doctors knew what was going on at home, neither of them reported it to the proper authorities. I have even been told by one of them that he was told, by Julie, that she ‘heard voices telling her to hurt the children’ but that she was proud that she could ignore the voices. Still, these Doctors reported nothing.
I should add here that it was at some point in this period of time in Julie’s life when her children began suicide watches over their mom… each one taking turns to sit in a room with her at all hours (night and day) because their mom was less-likely to hurt herself while they were here. However, it didn’t always work – Julie constantly took pills in front of them trying to either dope herself up or overdose, and she would even cut herself in front of the kids.
Finally one day, she woke up furious that her last suicide attempt didn’t work. She got violent with her oldest daughter, police were called, and finally DCF was called. (I would like to add that we (other family members) had called DCF in the past to report things, but some of the cases were ‘unfounded’ and one other time the fled the state knowing CF only had jurisdiction in Florida.) DCF removed the children from the home in November 2005 and I gained custody of the Children shortly thereafter.
There are lots of things I could add here about my sister, DCF, and the horrible Foster Care or Custodial Care program we are involved with. However, that is not my main reason for writing to you.
Kayte, the youngest, seems to be adjusting pretty well. She has a tendency to trivialize what her mom has done and the seriousness of it, but I think that is normal given that it is her mom. Kayte was in counseling, but she feels it’s ‘a waste of time’.
Justin, the middle child, is okay. As a young boy I'm told he was a terror. He used to hit his mother and at one point (only 6yo) tried to jump off a building to kill himself. Since then, his anger has turned in to an endless smothering of love and caring. He does everything for his mom… from getting her whatever she needs to rubbing her feet and back. Justin has seen a psychiatrist since moving in with me who felt that his issues were brought on by trauma. It was also at that visit with the psychiatrist that he confided in myself and the Doctor that he had suicidal thoughts often while living at home with his mom in her ‘state of being’ after his dad died. However, since he moved in with me he has done so much better (and continues to improve daily) that she didn’t feel he even needed counseling at this time. He would, however, need counseling before he was reunited with his mom.
Kayla, the oldest, has serious issues. She is also currently in counseling but feels that it is ‘a waste of time’. Kayla has always lied and stolen things. Family members feel sorry for her because you can tell that she doesn’t really mean any ill will by it, but it’s been ‘the way she is’ for a very long time. By far her biggest problems are lying and her need for approval by men (young and old).
Since the kids have moved in with us, my husband and I have set up rules. The kids already had myspace accounts, so we set ground rules for it. 1) We needed the login names and passwords. 2) Profiles must be set to private. 3) The only people they were allowed to have on their friends list was people that they actually knew. When Kayla’s list climbed over 300, and she was found to have inappropriate conversations (wanting to sneak out and ‘hook up’ with young men), we made everyone cut their list down to 30 friends, which included myself. 4) All vulgar language and inappropriate photos would come off immediately and would be monitored by myself at any given time. At times, they try to put up ‘sexy’ pictures which immediately need to come down.
However recently I have found that she has multiple website things going on in an attempt to pick up young men. I'll outline a few here so that you understand the gravity of the situation: 1) I found her 'normal' myspace account set to 'public view'. She has over 11,000 profile views(meaning people looking at her pictures and wanting to know more about her). I had reset it to private many times, but she keeps going back and resetting it to public. 2) I have found another myspace account which she went by the name 'Shannon' and used it to pick up young men, tease them, then later tell them that she was 'taken' but refer them to her 'cousin, Kayla'. She'd then give them all of Kayla's information. Of course thiswas also set to public. 3) I have found another social network website that was like myspace in which she had ONLY men (mostly from other states) as her 'friends' whom she corresponded with. The emails back and forth basically said the same thing as all of the others... more on that in #4 - only these were guys that not only did she not know, but they were not even in the area! 4) All accounts that I have found had basically the same thing... her emailing guys wanting to know if she was pretty, if they wanted to 'hook up', talking about going to their 'crib' or meeting up with them somewhere, and constantly seeking approval and affirmation from these guys.
I believe she gets this from her mom. And the sad thing is, if you met her, you would love her. She is truly a GREAT kid… but she has serious issues. I’ve described to you Julie’s behavior and Kayla’s seems to be the same way. Neither can make decisions on their own that are ‘the right thing to do’, and both lack the understanding of simple values, morals and ethics. I could go into so many examples. How do I describe the utterly amazing difference between Julie’s parenting style and my own?
I know... Both Julie and I have myspace accounts set up to ‘monitor’ the kids. To illustrate the difference between Julie and myself, here is something that Julie and I both put on our myspace accounts. You are supposed to put something 'about yourself' by your picture. Here is mine: "I'm 38 years old. I have two amazing kids, Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13. I have great husband, Chris. I love to sing - and have been singing in Toast of Tampa Show Chorus for 10 years. I'm raising my nieces and nephew (12, 13 and 14). I love God and my family."And here is Julie's: "I am who I am and if you dont like me for me........FUCK YOU........ Plus if you dont like me for me....... Im gunna tell my kids and there gunna kick yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here’s the other dilemma we are having; the two girls are in counseling that is costing me $25 EACH in co-payments every time they go. The State of Florida provides NO financial support to me as a relative caregiver, other than providing the three kids with Medicaid. They received small SSI checks because of their dad’s death, but it barely covers the food they consume. The DCF worker, having spoke with the girls and being told that therapy is ‘a waste of time’, has referred me to a clinic that DCF uses for cases such as this to seek mental care for Kayla (aswell as the others). However, the kids have TriCare as their primary insurance because their dad died from Military causes. TriCare requires the co-payment, regardless of the Medicaid secondary. Having said that, please understand that I worked in referrals in a primary care physician’s office for 16 years… I totally ‘get’ what is required for primary and secondary insurances and all the red tape. But because of the uniqueness of this situation, the kids are suffering!
I should also point out here that I have the kids for an indefinite period of time. Right now Julie is doing things that she has been told to do to get the kids back. However, she is still awaiting a court ordered detailed Psychiatric exam to determine if she can EVER parent again. Even if that Psychiatrist feels she can parent again, she’ll most likely need to be ‘clean’ and ‘episode-free’ for 6 months to a year minimum. In addition, Julie is only allowed supervised visits and one phone call a day. This came about because of her inappropriate behavior when she was with the kids and because when she was allowed to call any time she’d call 10 + times a day.
The other problem with Julie ever getting her children back is that… she doesn’t understand what she did wrong. She parents as if she were 15-years old herself. If anyone has ever done something bad and been able to ‘keep’ their kids, she sees no reason she can’t do it. She brought her daughter at the age of 13 in for a HUGE tattoo on the small of her back. It’s Tigger flipping ‘the bird’ with her gang name under it. She was also planning on getting a large tattoo on her 12yo before the kids were taken. Again, she sees nothing wrong with any of her past behavior.
So, you see, I could have these children for the rest of their teenage years. I honestly don’t know where to turn to get them the help they need.
I feel as if I am in a psychiatric nightmare and I just can’t wake up. Eight months ago I was at home, my biggest ‘kid worry’ was if my son was going to get good grades on his report card. Now I find myself in a crux worried about whether or not the lessons I teach them, this late in their young life, are going to be enough to turn these kids around and help them to be productive adults in the near future.
No comments:
Post a Comment