Tina's Daily Blog: Open House and Da Rat!

Friday, August 25, 2006

Open House and Da Rat!

The High Schoolers had an open house last night that was.... busy... to say the least. They set it up on a bell schedule: you start in 1st period, bell rings, the teacher has 5 minutes to tell you about their class, what they teach, give you their contact information, and ask if you have any questions for them - bell rings and you have 6 minutes to move to the 2nd period class where you again have 5 minutes. This continues until you've visited all 7 classes. What DIDN'T work about that is that Kayla and Justin are in the SAME grade... so there was no way possible that I could visit both sets of teachers in that 5 minutes. It was horrible... most of the teachers didn't know what was going on or how long they had. But it was nice to meet their teachers. We get done about 9pm and - of course - the kids are hungry. Uggg.... a quick 'fend for yourself w/ leftovers at home' dinner and they were off to bed.

The plan tonight was supposed to be that Kayla and Justin were going from school to their friend Jessica's house. I've already talked to Jessica's mom... she's going to bring them to the Football game tonight, then she'll drive them home. (At that point Chris and I should be worry-free on St. Pete beach) However, I woke up this morning and realized that -- it won't work! Kayla and Kayte have a doctor's appointment tonight at their therapist's office. No biggie, right? I have all the teacher's contact information, I'll email, ask Kayla to call, and explain to her why she has to come home after school. How come things are never that simple?

I call Jessica's mom and explain to her about why Kayla can't come over after school. She's in a panic and explains why. Jessica is bi-polar and the doctors are changing/adjusting her medications right now... so she's a little emotional and unbalanced to begin with. Add to that the fact that this morning before school her boyfriend broke up with her. Her mom is afraid that Jessica is going to go off the deep end. Grrrrrrrrrrreat. Jessica's mom tells me that she fears that her daughter might do something if left alone today. No pressure or anything... I mean... my change in plans could only give a little push to this poor unstable teen. UGG. But I think I've worked it out. The plan is now: Kayla and Jessica to come to OUR house after school, I'll drive them to the Doctor's appt this afternoon, (Jessica can sit with me while we wait for Kayla to get done) - then I'll drive them to Jessica's house where her mom will take them to the game then home.

I've no idea when I'm going to be able to pack for this weekend. I guess I'll just grab some clothes and a bathing suit and head out tonight. It's funny... in my chorus I've been trying to explain to them about how I have NO time to go shopping. We are supposed to all go out and get a dress that resembles the 1912-ish Music Man dresses for our costume. They are cheap... and you can pick something up at a consignment shop and have it altered to make it work for the costume... so I'm told. But trying to explain to them how little "me" time I have.... well.... lets go over this week, shall we:

Monday was Julie's visit. I got home after 5 and never stopped cooking / entertaining until after 10 that night. Tuesday night I had chorus rehearsal, got home, changed, and out the door I went until rehearsal was over at 10pm. Wednesday... what did I do on Wednesday? I got home after 5, and was exhausted. I gave Amanda and Kayla my bank card to run to the store and grab some needed groceries, they picked up Chinese for dinner, and we got everything done by about 9pm. (Homework checked, review of assignments, eating, cleaning, etc) Thursday night we had the open house. I got off work at 5, had to be at the school by 5:30. We didn't get home until after 9pm. Friday (tonight) we have doctors appointments at 5pm and 6pm for Kayla and Kayte. Then drive the High Schoolers over to someone to take them to their football game, and Kayte over to someones place who is taking her to the middle-school football game tonight.

So yeah - fitting in a shopping trip, hunting for the perfect costume that will fit me, NOT do-able right now. And, I'm okay with that - really I am. It's just how funny it is that the people at chorus who don't understand how hectic it is can say 'just run to some consignment shops until you find the right thing'. Oie!

I was talking to a friend yesterday who told me he enjoyed funny blogs. I realized that - with all the craziness of our days, I haven't had a chance to tell you some of our funny stories. So... I though here and there I'll share some of them with you.

A few years ago, we were moving from one house to another down in South Tampa. We had put almost everything in boxes, but weren't totally packed yet. A good friend of mine (Chris) came over to help me finish packing a few nights before the big move.

Chris decided to help me pack up the pantry (in a small closet at the end of a hallway by the kitchen). There are wooden shelves in there, the top one is probably 6 feet high. She's packing and packing, gets to the top shelf (where we have our Christmas cookie chocolate and nothing really more - we can't reach all the way up there so we put stuff we'd rarely use that high). She notices that we have.......... rat droppings up there. ICK. And, how embarrassing that my FRIEND notices this? I never new we had mice/rats!

That night I told Chris (my hubby) what Chris (the friend) had found. Unbeknownst to me, he noticed a small hole in the upper corner of the pantry and figured that was where the rat was getting in and out of. He figured, if he moved the shelf down a level, the rodent wouldn't be able to get back in the hole. Great thinking hun... and thanks for not telling me this!

The next morning I get up for work. Chris is over at the new house unpacking (he has the day off work). I'm getting the kids off to school and getting ready for work. I notice the cat (a large 20 lb tabby cat) looking at the pantry door (closed). I wonder what he's doing... so I open the pantry door (not looking in the pantry, but rather looking at the cat) and ask the cat what it is he's looking at. You ever get the feeling someone/something is looking RIGHT at you? Yeah... well... I turn to look in the pantry, and here is this HUGE rat looking right at me - EYE LEVEL. It's then I see that Chris took down the upper shelf, and the rat got down but can't get back up into the hole. Rat looking at me........ me looking at rat......... OH MY LORD! I then look at the cat..... look back at the rat............ what am I going to do??...... In my quick thinking and not-so-well-thought-out panic I decide... cat's eat mice.... right?? I pick up this 20 lb cat (who I might add has never been outside or seen any kind of rodent before) and I THROW him into the pantry and try to close the door. No... no time for that. They run in circles... shelf... up the wall... shelf... up the wall... then finally out the door that I'm trying to close (with all the chaos going on in the pantry - THAT was impossible)... and the two of them run off into Amanda's bedroom.

Amanda's room was a converted garage... probably 20 ft long by 10 ft wide. It was ALMOST empty. In the room is... her bed (with black sheets and a black bed skirt) - a television, a bookshelf with only a few books left on it, and a picture in frame against the wall. Oh, and now the room has a cat AND rat in it.

Realizing that I have to go to work, I call Chris and tell him about all of this. What you have to understand is that... Chris is TERRIFIED of mice/rats. He responds "You want me to come HOME???" He decides to call his hero... his mom... to come and help him deal with the situation at home. I close the door to Amanda's bedroom and head to work.

The two of them arrive and the almost vacant house and head into the bedroom. Each has their weapon of choice... Chris a golf club and Evie a broom. They don't see the rat... and can't find the cat. Well, the cat was under the bed, terrified of this HUGE rat he's just been terrorized by. They can't get him out from under the bed to help out. They start looking around the room, trying to figure out where the rat is. At one point, the rat ran from the bookshelf, across the room. Chris SCREAMED like a 6 year old girl at a Cheetah Girls concert.... and jumped probably 7 feet right onto the bed. Only problem... the rat ALSO ran under the bed. Cat runs OUT from under the bed as he is terrified of this rat as well. Chris then tries to absorb his surroundings... he's on a bed w/ black bedding... how would he KNOW if the rat climbed up onto the bed?? He then jumps onto the television sitting in the middle of the room, and grabs the golf club. The rat runs out from under the bed and Chris takes a swing at him w/ the club. Of course, he misses, and the rat keeps running around - trying to figure out HOW to get out of this room - how to get out - how to get out! At one point, the rat ran UP a door onto the blinds (probably seeing the light of outside and hoping he could get there) but quickly fell when there was no way out. Again, Chris just swinging and swinging at this rat running around... Chris still screaming... his mom in the corner with a broom (her defense weapon) yelling "get him! get him!" The rat runs under the picture leaning up against the wall. The rat THINKS he's safe... but Evie and Chris both saw him run there, so they know where he is. Chris at this point is just thinking... "how can I get out of here"... still standing on the Television. Chris's mom begins to run across the room.... running... running.... jumps high.... and - S-P-L-A-T... lands RIGHT on the picture. Glass breaks, but she's just jumping up and down - up and down - yelling "DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!". Chris sees the tail sticking out and at some point, the tail stops moving... Chris tells her that it's okay to stop, he's dead.

Doorbell rings.

It's our neighbor.... who is VERY concerned as he's heard a LOT of yelling... terrified screams - "get him!!" -- "die - die - die!!". Yeah........... he wants to know if everything is okay. Evie answers the door first - sweaty as all get-out. She tries to explain to the neighbor what was going on and behind her comes Chris, totally red faced and sweaty... but holding a HUGE rat by it's tail. The neighbor - of course - understands and quietly goes home. (I'm sure HE set traps that night!)

So that's our rat story... and the only time Chris has totally conquered his fear. Conquered... that's a good word for it!

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In A Nutshell:

Here is a letter I sent to Dr. Phil which really sums everything up:
I am married to my high-school sweetheart (20 years this August), with two wonderful children (Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13). I have two sisters, both younger – I call them “my good sister” and “my bad sister”. My good sister is – well, good! Normal in every way. The bad one, Julie, has been in trouble since she was a kid. As a baby she cried all of the time. As a teenager she was in trouble all of the time. At the age of 14 or so I remember that she had run away from home to live with a grown man in Atlanta. This was one of many run a ways. As a teenager, she provided sexual favors to boys in school, as well as teachers. As a young adult she was arrested for prostitution. She’s done drugs ranging from marijuana to crack. She was diagnosed early on as bi-polar with personality disorder. She’s also a serious cutter to the point where she no longer hid the cuts. She’s cut things like “Ronald Cecchinni” into her arm… and “Fuck you Dr. XXX” on her stomach, in large letters. Julie is also a diagnosed sex-addict. She’s also recently (in the past year) begun ‘huffing’. (I honestly believe that this huffing has caused some permanent damage) She is currently 36yo.
Julie lost her husband Ron a year and a half ago as a result of Leukemia and Kidney Disease which the military attributed to his serving in the Gulf War. He left behind three children – Kayla who is now 15, Justin who is now 14 and Kayte who is now 13. Even when Julie was married, her psychiatric problems persisted. She has been hospitalized literally hundreds of times over the years. However, when her husband was alive, he would take care of the kids when Julie was mentally out of control. After Ron died, Julie lost control of the kids and her life. She began to spiral out of control, having pot parties at her home (to the point where the kids said a door would open and a cloud of smoke would come bellowing out of the room), smoking weed with her own kids, having sex all over the house with different men all the time, allowing young men (19 yo) to sleep over with her oldest daughter (only 14 at the time), and allowing Gang members to live in her home (she said she felt ‘safe’ with them there). In addition, she was attempting suicide daily, overdosing on medications hoping to not wake up the next morning. Mind you all of this while she was seeing her Psychologist every week and Psychiatrist once a month. Both of these Doctors knew what was going on at home, neither of them reported it to the proper authorities. I have even been told by one of them that he was told, by Julie, that she ‘heard voices telling her to hurt the children’ but that she was proud that she could ignore the voices. Still, these Doctors reported nothing.
I should add here that it was at some point in this period of time in Julie’s life when her children began suicide watches over their mom… each one taking turns to sit in a room with her at all hours (night and day) because their mom was less-likely to hurt herself while they were here. However, it didn’t always work – Julie constantly took pills in front of them trying to either dope herself up or overdose, and she would even cut herself in front of the kids.
Finally one day, she woke up furious that her last suicide attempt didn’t work. She got violent with her oldest daughter, police were called, and finally DCF was called. (I would like to add that we (other family members) had called DCF in the past to report things, but some of the cases were ‘unfounded’ and one other time the fled the state knowing CF only had jurisdiction in Florida.) DCF removed the children from the home in November 2005 and I gained custody of the Children shortly thereafter.
There are lots of things I could add here about my sister, DCF, and the horrible Foster Care or Custodial Care program we are involved with. However, that is not my main reason for writing to you.
Kayte, the youngest, seems to be adjusting pretty well. She has a tendency to trivialize what her mom has done and the seriousness of it, but I think that is normal given that it is her mom. Kayte was in counseling, but she feels it’s ‘a waste of time’.
Justin, the middle child, is okay. As a young boy I'm told he was a terror. He used to hit his mother and at one point (only 6yo) tried to jump off a building to kill himself. Since then, his anger has turned in to an endless smothering of love and caring. He does everything for his mom… from getting her whatever she needs to rubbing her feet and back. Justin has seen a psychiatrist since moving in with me who felt that his issues were brought on by trauma. It was also at that visit with the psychiatrist that he confided in myself and the Doctor that he had suicidal thoughts often while living at home with his mom in her ‘state of being’ after his dad died. However, since he moved in with me he has done so much better (and continues to improve daily) that she didn’t feel he even needed counseling at this time. He would, however, need counseling before he was reunited with his mom.
Kayla, the oldest, has serious issues. She is also currently in counseling but feels that it is ‘a waste of time’. Kayla has always lied and stolen things. Family members feel sorry for her because you can tell that she doesn’t really mean any ill will by it, but it’s been ‘the way she is’ for a very long time. By far her biggest problems are lying and her need for approval by men (young and old).
Since the kids have moved in with us, my husband and I have set up rules. The kids already had myspace accounts, so we set ground rules for it. 1) We needed the login names and passwords. 2) Profiles must be set to private. 3) The only people they were allowed to have on their friends list was people that they actually knew. When Kayla’s list climbed over 300, and she was found to have inappropriate conversations (wanting to sneak out and ‘hook up’ with young men), we made everyone cut their list down to 30 friends, which included myself. 4) All vulgar language and inappropriate photos would come off immediately and would be monitored by myself at any given time. At times, they try to put up ‘sexy’ pictures which immediately need to come down.
However recently I have found that she has multiple website things going on in an attempt to pick up young men. I'll outline a few here so that you understand the gravity of the situation: 1) I found her 'normal' myspace account set to 'public view'. She has over 11,000 profile views(meaning people looking at her pictures and wanting to know more about her). I had reset it to private many times, but she keeps going back and resetting it to public. 2) I have found another myspace account which she went by the name 'Shannon' and used it to pick up young men, tease them, then later tell them that she was 'taken' but refer them to her 'cousin, Kayla'. She'd then give them all of Kayla's information. Of course thiswas also set to public. 3) I have found another social network website that was like myspace in which she had ONLY men (mostly from other states) as her 'friends' whom she corresponded with. The emails back and forth basically said the same thing as all of the others... more on that in #4 - only these were guys that not only did she not know, but they were not even in the area! 4) All accounts that I have found had basically the same thing... her emailing guys wanting to know if she was pretty, if they wanted to 'hook up', talking about going to their 'crib' or meeting up with them somewhere, and constantly seeking approval and affirmation from these guys.
I believe she gets this from her mom. And the sad thing is, if you met her, you would love her. She is truly a GREAT kid… but she has serious issues. I’ve described to you Julie’s behavior and Kayla’s seems to be the same way. Neither can make decisions on their own that are ‘the right thing to do’, and both lack the understanding of simple values, morals and ethics. I could go into so many examples. How do I describe the utterly amazing difference between Julie’s parenting style and my own?
I know... Both Julie and I have myspace accounts set up to ‘monitor’ the kids. To illustrate the difference between Julie and myself, here is something that Julie and I both put on our myspace accounts. You are supposed to put something 'about yourself' by your picture. Here is mine: "I'm 38 years old. I have two amazing kids, Amanda who is 20 and Jonathan who is 13. I have great husband, Chris. I love to sing - and have been singing in Toast of Tampa Show Chorus for 10 years. I'm raising my nieces and nephew (12, 13 and 14). I love God and my family."And here is Julie's: "I am who I am and if you dont like me for me........FUCK YOU........ Plus if you dont like me for me....... Im gunna tell my kids and there gunna kick yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here’s the other dilemma we are having; the two girls are in counseling that is costing me $25 EACH in co-payments every time they go. The State of Florida provides NO financial support to me as a relative caregiver, other than providing the three kids with Medicaid. They received small SSI checks because of their dad’s death, but it barely covers the food they consume. The DCF worker, having spoke with the girls and being told that therapy is ‘a waste of time’, has referred me to a clinic that DCF uses for cases such as this to seek mental care for Kayla (aswell as the others). However, the kids have TriCare as their primary insurance because their dad died from Military causes. TriCare requires the co-payment, regardless of the Medicaid secondary. Having said that, please understand that I worked in referrals in a primary care physician’s office for 16 years… I totally ‘get’ what is required for primary and secondary insurances and all the red tape. But because of the uniqueness of this situation, the kids are suffering!
I should also point out here that I have the kids for an indefinite period of time. Right now Julie is doing things that she has been told to do to get the kids back. However, she is still awaiting a court ordered detailed Psychiatric exam to determine if she can EVER parent again. Even if that Psychiatrist feels she can parent again, she’ll most likely need to be ‘clean’ and ‘episode-free’ for 6 months to a year minimum. In addition, Julie is only allowed supervised visits and one phone call a day. This came about because of her inappropriate behavior when she was with the kids and because when she was allowed to call any time she’d call 10 + times a day.
The other problem with Julie ever getting her children back is that… she doesn’t understand what she did wrong. She parents as if she were 15-years old herself. If anyone has ever done something bad and been able to ‘keep’ their kids, she sees no reason she can’t do it. She brought her daughter at the age of 13 in for a HUGE tattoo on the small of her back. It’s Tigger flipping ‘the bird’ with her gang name under it. She was also planning on getting a large tattoo on her 12yo before the kids were taken. Again, she sees nothing wrong with any of her past behavior.
So, you see, I could have these children for the rest of their teenage years. I honestly don’t know where to turn to get them the help they need.
I feel as if I am in a psychiatric nightmare and I just can’t wake up. Eight months ago I was at home, my biggest ‘kid worry’ was if my son was going to get good grades on his report card. Now I find myself in a crux worried about whether or not the lessons I teach them, this late in their young life, are going to be enough to turn these kids around and help them to be productive adults in the near future.

Tina's Daily Blog

Friday, August 25, 2006

Open House and Da Rat!

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