Well, life at the Rhocchini house continues on without Amanda. She packed up yesterday and headed to Orlando with her boyfriend, Gene. It's hard to blog about how I feel about that.... there was the amazing guilt I felt, but I talked to some friends and feel NONE of that any more.... there is the relief that she is gone and I don't have that worry any more (who is going to drive her to work, pick her up, get her the things she needs, figure out who used her hair spray or makeup or clothes, will she be home for dinner, was she doing anything moraly wrong on our computers, was she fighting with the kids/bossing them around, who is going to yell at her to get her to do her chores, etc) - so in that regard, it feel GREATLY better.... and of course now I feel worry about her 'making it' in Orlando. As much as I want to believe that Gene is 'the one'... I honestly do not feel you can really know that only weeks after meeting someone face-to-face. I hope it works out... Gene is a really nice guy... but really... the fact is, they met each other a little over ONE month ago. Her scars on her face from the dog attack the night they met for the first time haven't even healed yet! So... with regards to the two of them being right for each other... I'm hopeful yet doubtful (if that's possible to do at the same time!).
Two of the kids have already moved into what was Amanda's bedroom. Justin and Kayte slept in there last night. Although we have a queen size bed for Kayla and Kayte to sleep in together, Kayte will most often sleep on the floor instead of with Kayla. There are a few reasons for this... but I don't want to blog about what **I** think the reason is until I am sure. So for now, we have a twin bed set up in that room and Justin's little couch-bed. Everyone got up this morning on their own... which was G-R-E-A-T!
Justin had his first baseball practice last night... and he did pretty well. He is VERY rusty and I think.... how do I say this in the most postive way.... by the time they are done for the year, he will be the most improved player there! A great big 'thank you' to Auntie Katie and Gwen for coming through for his baseball needs! He was so cute... put on his pants, socks, cleats, shirt, batting glove, mit.... then stood in front of the full length mirror a LOT looking at himself. He couldn't help it... he just knew he looked great! LOL
Katie did ask Julie about why she wouldn't buy Justin cleats and things he needed for baseball. Julie said that "if Tina can't afford to buy him things he needs for baseball, then he just doesn't need to play baseball". Of course, that VERY same day... she bought movies for the kids, expensive shoes for both Justin and her new 23-year-old boyfriend, as well as some things for Mom's birthday in November. It just hacks me off when I think about it... me being the logical thinker that I am -- if you are going to spend $50 in shoes, why not buy cleats that he needs instead of sneakers that he doesn't... but Julie doesn't think like that. ARGHHHH
As it was last year, things with the kids are HECTIC while school is in. The kids are trying to do all kinds of fun things on the weekends, and it's just hard to manage at times. They are getting better at asking for things in advance - Kayte has already asked me if she can go to Busch Gardens in October for Halloween Horror Nights... but at the same time, they also forget and ask things last minute (Kayte also asked about going to a basketball game after school today). We try to do what we can... I'm calling the school now for information on the basketball game tonight. But... boy oh boy... it's nice just having the four to worry about again. :o)
I had to take the afternoon off of work yesterday to run Kayte to a couple different doctors appointments. The last one was just a mess.... they scheduled the appt with the nurses and they should have done it with a doctor and so they wouldn't see her. They tell us this after we sat in the waiting room for an hour and a half. Lovely!
UGG... I just finished reading Amanda's blog... how lovely... she put in there: "when Christmas comes, and mom and dad wish that I was there to help them pay bills, I'll be like Ha suckers, I'm here, I made it, fuck y'all." Oh yeah... no thank-you for the last 3 months.... no appreciation for us trying to help her... and on top of that she thinks that we wanted her to live with us to make a profit... KILLS ME. The really funny part of that is that - Amanda has never helped anyone pay a bill. Not one. I guess her friends just think we are the worst parents on the face of the earth... oh wait... she hardly HAS any friends left because she keeps doing this to them too! I said that to try to make myself chuckle, but I just can't. The whole thing is just so darn sad.
I just got off the phone with the kid's Guardian Ad Litem, Dottie. She is so nice! She's coming over tonight for a visit. I had to fill her in on what's going on with the kids... good and bad. I also got her up-to-date on the things going on with Julie. She seemed to be very concerned that Julie has that young man living with her, and kept asking if Natalia (new DCF lady) knew about it. I told her that, yes, Natalia knew about it... but that Natalia and I had only spoken once. I asked Dottie what she thought about the kids going to Julie's hearing in November, and she did NOT think it was a good idea. I wasn't expecting that. I had no real 'objection' to the kids going, I just wasn't sure it was going to be of any benefit to them or to Julie to be at this hearing. Dottie feels it will definately be of no benefit to them and that it might hurt them to be there. She's been to a LOT more of these than I have (actually, I've not been to any, and this is her JOB, so she's been a ton more than I have!) so I really need to trust her judgement on this. She isn't here for me or for Julie... Dottie's job is to be the voice of the kids and to care for THEM. I think - regardless of what I feel or what my gut tells me as the time draws near - I will go with whatever Dottie feels about this sort of thing. If Dottie wants them there, I'll do my best to make that happen. If she doesn't... I won't let them come. I think that is the most sensible thing to do.
I have a busy week in front of me... Tonight is a visit from Dottie and then I go to chorus (Toast of Tampa). Wednesday night is a visit from Julie. Thursday night is baseball practice for Justin and Chris and Choir practice for me. Friday night is a coaching session for me (TOT) and Chris is going to a vocal class for praise team singers. Saturday I have another coaching session and Chris has another vocal class, and we'll go over to Christal's funeral... no... Celebration!... on Saturday afternoon. Sunday is the usual: housework/football in the afteroon, and 5 trips to/from Church. (once two and from Church in the morning, one trip up at 5 pm to drop off the middle schoolers, then at 7 to drop off high schoolers and pick up the middle schoolers, and back up to pick up the high schoolers at 9pm.) Always busy weeks, huh!
We haven't been to see Doug in a while... and we need to do that. It's easy to hear me say "we've been so busy" and just think we're avoiding going... but REALLY... we have been so busy! I'm trying to make it so that - if Julie visits every Wednesday night - Chris and Jonathan can plan to go visit Doug on Wednesday nights. I won't get to see him... but I know he'll enjoy visits from Chris and Jono on a somewhat regular basis.
I keep wanting to end with another one of our funny stories... but it seems I'm always rambling too long to begin with. I'll try to give you another funny story tomorrow. For today, kiss your kids, hug your family and praise God for all the good things He has done for you.
"Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare." - Ed Asner
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Saturday, September 09, 2006
No More Room To Give
Ugg.... I don't know where to start with this... nor if I should even blog about this. Last time I blogged about Amanda, I let it get entirely too emotional, and I don't want to do that out here on the big world-wide net. Let's see if I can do this without getting emotional and yet still tell you some of what is going on.
Amanda just called. She is due to pay her first contributing payment to the household by next Friday, 9/15. The amount she is scheduled to pay is $300, which covers the cost of her portion of utilities and food. She now tells me that she wants to see a breakdown of all of our bills to determine if it really needs to be this high. Okay... well.... I am extremely upset right now... in tears actually as I type this.
It is SO HARD when you give so much... when you open your home with a certain expectation... when you try so hard to help someone.... and when that person hurts you. My first though was 'she can't possible believe that $300 a month will pay all of her portion of utilities and food, and that there is actually money left over'.. but then I realized that she really hasn't lived out there totally on her own. Heck, she hasn't even had a roommate where she paid her own portion completely. So.... she really doesn't know what it should be like. So... for that reason, I can shake my head and say "yeah... she has no idea". But then in the conversation she added that "we would be taking 2/3 of her paycheck this time". It upsets me that she thinks we are 'taking' anything from her. She should be contributing. She should openly WANT to pull her load. And this part of her...... that part of her that should want to pull her fair share... just isn't there. It never has been with anyplace that she has lived.
I asked one of the kids what they would think if I told Amanda she had to move out... they said "All she does is sleep, eat, boss people around and then go to work" and added that they wouldn't mind. I laugh at that comment, because it is entirely accurate. Simplified, yet accurate.
I called my mom and my mother in law after this conversation with Amanda. Both had great advice to give (of course!). Evie told me that.... when reading my blogs... she often times feels that I have 'no more to give' but I just keep trucking down the road anyways. This is so incredibly accurate (more tears as I type this). I give and give and give and give every single minute of every single day.... and -- frankly -- if Amanda can't, at the age of 20, even live at home with her only contribution being to support herself on a much smaller scale that she'd have it if she were out on her own -- then I simply have no more room to give.
There is so so so so so much more to this... and trust me when I tell you that I am really trying to keep emotions out of this, and to not air out family dirty laundry. I love Amanda with ALL of my heart. I want her to be happy and take care of herself. I want her to find God... to find inner happiness.
Okay... I left this blog and went to church (sang at the Sat night service). It was hard this time to sing on the praise team and not allow my heart to become overfilled with emotion and cry. I caught myself a couple times at rehearsal and during prayer starting to weep... so I knew I couldn't 'unzip' on stage. Sigh......... (weeping here again as I type)
I came home, picked up Jonathan and the intent was to go grab some things he needed for school at Target, pick up Amanda (who got off at 7:30) and take them both to dinner and talk. Amanda had gotten a ride home from work, so she wasn't with us for dinner.
I had a very nice quiet meal with Jonathan. He's such a good hearted boy. LOVE him so very much.
I get home and Amanda is on the phone with Gene. About 15 minutes into the conversation I tell her that she needs to get off the phone so that we can talk before she goes back to work. She is a little frustrated but hangs up with him. Without going into detail here... I can just tell you that the conversation got VERY heated. She threw a computer keyboard at one point. It was just bad. She told me that my refusing to show her proof of all the bills I pay (to justify her little monthly contribution) was 'suspicious' and that it was proof that my intentions were to make a 'steady monthly income off of her'. WHATTTTTTTTTTT???????
Yeah, it got heated. I got very upset (here I go crying again). I really can't get into all the details.
End result, she is moving out on Monday, going to live in Orlando. I don't feel sad that she is leaving... I feel sad that it happened like THIS. But more than anything else... I feel used, mistreated and taken advantage of. And that hurts so very much.
Oh good Lord. I just found out that my friend with the little girl (Christal) with the cancer is most likely passing away soon. Soon as in... hours if not minutes. She is being held with her family this evening.... shallow breathing... the family telling her that it's okay to 'go'.
Oh God... could I possibly cry any more tonight????
I suppose that I am supposed to feel happy that I have a daughter who is healthy. But I still feel the same. I feel.... so very happy the Christal is going to heaven to sit with her heavenly Father, at peace from the pain and troubles of cancer. Which then causes me to reflect on how Amanda does not know Christ and has no real religion. I feel --- (crying again even more) --- that I have failed her in this respect. Did God bring her to me so that I could help bring her to God? Even if He wanted me to help her get on her feet... she has lived here penny-free for 3 months now, so I don't feel bad about that. But I have not been able to help her AT ALL spiritually. I failed in that regard. Miserably.
Please everyone... pray for all of us. Pray for Christal.... pray for Amanda.... and please oh please pray for strength for me.
Amanda just called. She is due to pay her first contributing payment to the household by next Friday, 9/15. The amount she is scheduled to pay is $300, which covers the cost of her portion of utilities and food. She now tells me that she wants to see a breakdown of all of our bills to determine if it really needs to be this high. Okay... well.... I am extremely upset right now... in tears actually as I type this.
It is SO HARD when you give so much... when you open your home with a certain expectation... when you try so hard to help someone.... and when that person hurts you. My first though was 'she can't possible believe that $300 a month will pay all of her portion of utilities and food, and that there is actually money left over'.. but then I realized that she really hasn't lived out there totally on her own. Heck, she hasn't even had a roommate where she paid her own portion completely. So.... she really doesn't know what it should be like. So... for that reason, I can shake my head and say "yeah... she has no idea". But then in the conversation she added that "we would be taking 2/3 of her paycheck this time". It upsets me that she thinks we are 'taking' anything from her. She should be contributing. She should openly WANT to pull her load. And this part of her...... that part of her that should want to pull her fair share... just isn't there. It never has been with anyplace that she has lived.
I asked one of the kids what they would think if I told Amanda she had to move out... they said "All she does is sleep, eat, boss people around and then go to work" and added that they wouldn't mind. I laugh at that comment, because it is entirely accurate. Simplified, yet accurate.
I called my mom and my mother in law after this conversation with Amanda. Both had great advice to give (of course!). Evie told me that.... when reading my blogs... she often times feels that I have 'no more to give' but I just keep trucking down the road anyways. This is so incredibly accurate (more tears as I type this). I give and give and give and give every single minute of every single day.... and -- frankly -- if Amanda can't, at the age of 20, even live at home with her only contribution being to support herself on a much smaller scale that she'd have it if she were out on her own -- then I simply have no more room to give.
There is so so so so so much more to this... and trust me when I tell you that I am really trying to keep emotions out of this, and to not air out family dirty laundry. I love Amanda with ALL of my heart. I want her to be happy and take care of herself. I want her to find God... to find inner happiness.
Okay... I left this blog and went to church (sang at the Sat night service). It was hard this time to sing on the praise team and not allow my heart to become overfilled with emotion and cry. I caught myself a couple times at rehearsal and during prayer starting to weep... so I knew I couldn't 'unzip' on stage. Sigh......... (weeping here again as I type)
I came home, picked up Jonathan and the intent was to go grab some things he needed for school at Target, pick up Amanda (who got off at 7:30) and take them both to dinner and talk. Amanda had gotten a ride home from work, so she wasn't with us for dinner.
I had a very nice quiet meal with Jonathan. He's such a good hearted boy. LOVE him so very much.
I get home and Amanda is on the phone with Gene. About 15 minutes into the conversation I tell her that she needs to get off the phone so that we can talk before she goes back to work. She is a little frustrated but hangs up with him. Without going into detail here... I can just tell you that the conversation got VERY heated. She threw a computer keyboard at one point. It was just bad. She told me that my refusing to show her proof of all the bills I pay (to justify her little monthly contribution) was 'suspicious' and that it was proof that my intentions were to make a 'steady monthly income off of her'. WHATTTTTTTTTTT???????
Yeah, it got heated. I got very upset (here I go crying again). I really can't get into all the details.
End result, she is moving out on Monday, going to live in Orlando. I don't feel sad that she is leaving... I feel sad that it happened like THIS. But more than anything else... I feel used, mistreated and taken advantage of. And that hurts so very much.
Oh good Lord. I just found out that my friend with the little girl (Christal) with the cancer is most likely passing away soon. Soon as in... hours if not minutes. She is being held with her family this evening.... shallow breathing... the family telling her that it's okay to 'go'.
Oh God... could I possibly cry any more tonight????
I suppose that I am supposed to feel happy that I have a daughter who is healthy. But I still feel the same. I feel.... so very happy the Christal is going to heaven to sit with her heavenly Father, at peace from the pain and troubles of cancer. Which then causes me to reflect on how Amanda does not know Christ and has no real religion. I feel --- (crying again even more) --- that I have failed her in this respect. Did God bring her to me so that I could help bring her to God? Even if He wanted me to help her get on her feet... she has lived here penny-free for 3 months now, so I don't feel bad about that. But I have not been able to help her AT ALL spiritually. I failed in that regard. Miserably.
Please everyone... pray for all of us. Pray for Christal.... pray for Amanda.... and please oh please pray for strength for me.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Is Your Gift Ready?
I would really like to apologize for not blogging as much as I should this week. It has been an absolutely crazy week... and I've truly had no time to sit and put my thoughts and feelings onto paper (or computer, or whatever!). And, yes, I said "should" because I should blog more often especially when things are crazy.... it helps me to feel a little better.
Julie's visit on Wednesday went okay. She brought dinner, which is always great. Again... Julie with the eating thing -- ick ick ick. I told her over and over again not to talk with her mouth full of food, that it was gross.... but I suppose at 350 lbs and the age of 37, it's a habit she won't be breaking anytime soon. She brought the kids more stuff... candy and shoes. The shoes were a nice thought, although they didn't need shoes, it was thoughtful of her to get them. She actually didn't BRING them with her, she's having them gift wrapped and shipped to the kids.
Chris and Justin came home when we were finishing up dinner. We enrolled Justin in a fall league of baseball (more training than game-winning focused). Justin is SO happy to be playing baseball... AND... guess who the new assistant coach is for his team? Yep.... CHRIS! He's pumped about it, and Justin keeps mentioning how it's 'just like when he and his dad played baseball'. Yeah... this whole thing is very healthy for him I think. It's nice to see him so happy and excited about something.
When Chris got home, after they finished talking about the practice and all, he mentioned the gear Justin was going to need before Monday. Chris point-blank asked Julie to get it for him, but she said she couldn't do it... that she was already doing everything she could do. This is frustrating for me - and I'll tell you why, but it's going to sound selfish. I know I've said it before... but I don't get my nails done anymore... don't get pedicures.... don't have my hair professionally done.... don't go out to eat.... every penny we get is wrapped up in the kids. Julie, on the other hand, is doing very well. She just got 'chunks' done in her hair. Nails done. New clothes. Buying the kids things that they really don't 'need'. So... when asked if she could buy Justin some cleats or baseball pants.... she says 'no'!?!?! What's UP with that??!!! Very frustrating.
Here's what Justin needs before Monday (9/11). Cleats, baseball pants, and a 'cup'. I now wish it wasn't the 8th of September.... a week after payday and 3 long weeks till next payday. I dunno.... it's NOT the end of the world if he doesn't get it. God ALWAYS provides for us and He knows what we really need and don't need. But if you would like to help out, drop me a line.
Julie has decided that she wants her kids to attend the next court date in November. I'm not sure how to feel about this. First of all, it's going to be a missed day from school... and I do NOT like that. But secondly... I'm not sure how I'll act or what I'll say with them there. I do my BEST not to bad-talk Julie in front of them. I make a conscious effort (and BELIEVE you-me.... sometimes it is quite the effort) not to say anything that's not nice. If they are going to tell Julie she can have 1 hour unsupervised a week, then work her way up... eventually... I'm okay with that. If they say "sure Julie, take the kids for weekends and see how you do".... I'm going to have real problems with that. Now, I doubt they will say that, but I want to be prepared because anything CAN happen. And I don't want the kids to see me wanting something different than what their mom wants. I'd rather them think we are working together. I think I'll talk to their Guardian Ad Litem, Dottie, and see what she thinks.
Tonight is going to be a long night... one that I've prayed about for a while now. Our friend Christal whom I've blogged about before (8yo w/ cancer) is having this HUGE party in Orlando. They are going to have lots of fun things to do... games... carnival type games.... silly-string wars... lots of food... craft tables to make things yourself... just things that Christal loves to do. I know our kids would have a blast there... but I've been dreading the drive over to Orlando at 5:30 on a Friday night. This morning... my heart told me I needed to go anyways. Chris and I talked about it, and we ARE going. It'll be nice seeing Chris and Drew... before Christal got cancer we used to hang out with them all the time. Now they live in Lakeland and both of our lives are completely different than they were before. Yeah... we HAVE to go tonight. I know the kids are going to want to stay home, or go to the movies, or go to a football game - but I think this trip will be very beneficial to them. It'll be nice for them to see this strong, amazing little girl and know that life does not revolve around what they are planning on doing over the weekend or what friends they are 'seen' hanging out with. (I should point out here that the kids are not really that self-centered... but they are teens and headed in that direction for sure.)
What else can I blog about? --- Oh yes... so last night at Choir then Praise Team rehearsal, I bring my nifty new toy with me... a digital recorder. It doesn't use discs or anything, and it has a built in connection to go right into your computer... it's VEWWY nifty indeed. The chorus gave it to me (Toast of Tampa) - probably because I'm such an awesome tape listener and all that. LOL But ANNNYways.... I bring this little recorder to record myself so I know what I need to work on. Someone says to me "will you please tell me when that's on so that I don't say something that I shouldn't say on a recording?" Now... at first I thought she was just kidding, but I could tell she was looking at it... wondering. I still think she was kidding, but it caused me to think. (We all know how dangerous it is when I do that!)
What's funny about this is that she is one mighty AWESOME person. I couldn't imagine she'd ever say anything that someone could construe as 'not christian'. Which made me wonder.... what - exactly - does that mean? What defines a Christian person? What is a Christian attitude? What is Christian behavior? Do you really HAVE to be sweet and nice all the time to be considered Christian? Ummm... I don't think so.
I think Christians are very real people. They live day to day hoping that their words, actions, thoughts, and deeds are what Christ would have wanted them to do. But they are far from perfect. There was ONE perfect person on this earth - and he walked our earth 2006 years ago. I used to go to Church with people who were really 'Holy' from 9am to 10am on SUNDAY only. But, God forbid you get in their way as they are barrelling down the road on the way to Church or on their way to IHOP afterwards!
I think God is more interested in the total package... that when someone sees and talks to you, they KNOW you are a Christian person. They can sense it in you or feel it in your words or actions. Not every single one of your words and actions... because we all say and do things that unbecoming of a christian person from time to time. One should, in my opinion, never be judged by those little things. However, I think a good Christian should have a good mix of both... good and bad. The bad things we experience... lessons we learn (all to often the hard way).... mistakes we've made.... this teaches us how to be better people. If you met a Christian person that you want to 'be just like' would she be absolutely perfect? I think we can better relate to those people who have little mistakes here and there, but overall, have managed to lead a very Christian life.
Personally, I think of my life as a Christian package that I am giving to God on the day we meet in heaven. What's in your package?
Think of your day today. Have you done anything that would make God proud of you? It's been raining all day... did you drive by someone who was running to get out of the rain? (maybe they got out of the bus and had to run a few blocks home... or maybe they were out jogging while it was sunny and the sky opened up and rained on them) Could you have offered them a ride? Did you smile and offer kindness to a store clerk who was nasty to you? (maybe she was upset as her boyfriend just broke up with her and she really wanted to be angry with the whole world) Is there one simple little thing you could do in your day that would allow someone to notice you are a Christian? I've changed my online radio to Christian radio... if you call my office and hear my music... you'll hear people singing praises to God.
But Lord knows I'm far from perfect. I went at lunch today to pick up Amanda from her work (Target). I DID go to pick her up because I knew it was 'the right thing to do'. But I was irritated and it showed... I was rushed and made a comment about my 'lunch hour' now being a lunch 30 minutes. Why did I have to be nasty about it? Just knowing it was 'the right thing to do' and therefore doing it wasn't good enough to get me into heaven... and I know that! Sigh... yeah... I've got work to do. A lot more than just that one little example!
So my Christian package has lots and lots of things in it. Daily prayer. Giving thanks to God - privately AND publicly. Doing good deeds for people. Raising two good kids myself and then raising my sisters kids when they really needed it. Sure... there are some things in that package that are not so good... my cursing is a bad habit that is far from Christian, my bad attitude towards things when I am frustrated, choosing not to do 'the right thing' for personal reasons, or my 2 year anger with God over Ron's death. But overall.... I think there is far more good in there than bad. And if I consciously make an effort to add more Christian things to my package every day... think of what a wonderful gift it'll make to the Father when I finally get to meet Him.
So.............. what about you? Is your gift ready?
Julie's visit on Wednesday went okay. She brought dinner, which is always great. Again... Julie with the eating thing -- ick ick ick. I told her over and over again not to talk with her mouth full of food, that it was gross.... but I suppose at 350 lbs and the age of 37, it's a habit she won't be breaking anytime soon. She brought the kids more stuff... candy and shoes. The shoes were a nice thought, although they didn't need shoes, it was thoughtful of her to get them. She actually didn't BRING them with her, she's having them gift wrapped and shipped to the kids.
Chris and Justin came home when we were finishing up dinner. We enrolled Justin in a fall league of baseball (more training than game-winning focused). Justin is SO happy to be playing baseball... AND... guess who the new assistant coach is for his team? Yep.... CHRIS! He's pumped about it, and Justin keeps mentioning how it's 'just like when he and his dad played baseball'. Yeah... this whole thing is very healthy for him I think. It's nice to see him so happy and excited about something.
When Chris got home, after they finished talking about the practice and all, he mentioned the gear Justin was going to need before Monday. Chris point-blank asked Julie to get it for him, but she said she couldn't do it... that she was already doing everything she could do. This is frustrating for me - and I'll tell you why, but it's going to sound selfish. I know I've said it before... but I don't get my nails done anymore... don't get pedicures.... don't have my hair professionally done.... don't go out to eat.... every penny we get is wrapped up in the kids. Julie, on the other hand, is doing very well. She just got 'chunks' done in her hair. Nails done. New clothes. Buying the kids things that they really don't 'need'. So... when asked if she could buy Justin some cleats or baseball pants.... she says 'no'!?!?! What's UP with that??!!! Very frustrating.
Here's what Justin needs before Monday (9/11). Cleats, baseball pants, and a 'cup'. I now wish it wasn't the 8th of September.... a week after payday and 3 long weeks till next payday. I dunno.... it's NOT the end of the world if he doesn't get it. God ALWAYS provides for us and He knows what we really need and don't need. But if you would like to help out, drop me a line.
Julie has decided that she wants her kids to attend the next court date in November. I'm not sure how to feel about this. First of all, it's going to be a missed day from school... and I do NOT like that. But secondly... I'm not sure how I'll act or what I'll say with them there. I do my BEST not to bad-talk Julie in front of them. I make a conscious effort (and BELIEVE you-me.... sometimes it is quite the effort) not to say anything that's not nice. If they are going to tell Julie she can have 1 hour unsupervised a week, then work her way up... eventually... I'm okay with that. If they say "sure Julie, take the kids for weekends and see how you do".... I'm going to have real problems with that. Now, I doubt they will say that, but I want to be prepared because anything CAN happen. And I don't want the kids to see me wanting something different than what their mom wants. I'd rather them think we are working together. I think I'll talk to their Guardian Ad Litem, Dottie, and see what she thinks.
Tonight is going to be a long night... one that I've prayed about for a while now. Our friend Christal whom I've blogged about before (8yo w/ cancer) is having this HUGE party in Orlando. They are going to have lots of fun things to do... games... carnival type games.... silly-string wars... lots of food... craft tables to make things yourself... just things that Christal loves to do. I know our kids would have a blast there... but I've been dreading the drive over to Orlando at 5:30 on a Friday night. This morning... my heart told me I needed to go anyways. Chris and I talked about it, and we ARE going. It'll be nice seeing Chris and Drew... before Christal got cancer we used to hang out with them all the time. Now they live in Lakeland and both of our lives are completely different than they were before. Yeah... we HAVE to go tonight. I know the kids are going to want to stay home, or go to the movies, or go to a football game - but I think this trip will be very beneficial to them. It'll be nice for them to see this strong, amazing little girl and know that life does not revolve around what they are planning on doing over the weekend or what friends they are 'seen' hanging out with. (I should point out here that the kids are not really that self-centered... but they are teens and headed in that direction for sure.)
What else can I blog about? --- Oh yes... so last night at Choir then Praise Team rehearsal, I bring my nifty new toy with me... a digital recorder. It doesn't use discs or anything, and it has a built in connection to go right into your computer... it's VEWWY nifty indeed. The chorus gave it to me (Toast of Tampa) - probably because I'm such an awesome tape listener and all that. LOL But ANNNYways.... I bring this little recorder to record myself so I know what I need to work on. Someone says to me "will you please tell me when that's on so that I don't say something that I shouldn't say on a recording?" Now... at first I thought she was just kidding, but I could tell she was looking at it... wondering. I still think she was kidding, but it caused me to think. (We all know how dangerous it is when I do that!)
What's funny about this is that she is one mighty AWESOME person. I couldn't imagine she'd ever say anything that someone could construe as 'not christian'. Which made me wonder.... what - exactly - does that mean? What defines a Christian person? What is a Christian attitude? What is Christian behavior? Do you really HAVE to be sweet and nice all the time to be considered Christian? Ummm... I don't think so.
I think Christians are very real people. They live day to day hoping that their words, actions, thoughts, and deeds are what Christ would have wanted them to do. But they are far from perfect. There was ONE perfect person on this earth - and he walked our earth 2006 years ago. I used to go to Church with people who were really 'Holy' from 9am to 10am on SUNDAY only. But, God forbid you get in their way as they are barrelling down the road on the way to Church or on their way to IHOP afterwards!
I think God is more interested in the total package... that when someone sees and talks to you, they KNOW you are a Christian person. They can sense it in you or feel it in your words or actions. Not every single one of your words and actions... because we all say and do things that unbecoming of a christian person from time to time. One should, in my opinion, never be judged by those little things. However, I think a good Christian should have a good mix of both... good and bad. The bad things we experience... lessons we learn (all to often the hard way).... mistakes we've made.... this teaches us how to be better people. If you met a Christian person that you want to 'be just like' would she be absolutely perfect? I think we can better relate to those people who have little mistakes here and there, but overall, have managed to lead a very Christian life.
Personally, I think of my life as a Christian package that I am giving to God on the day we meet in heaven. What's in your package?
Think of your day today. Have you done anything that would make God proud of you? It's been raining all day... did you drive by someone who was running to get out of the rain? (maybe they got out of the bus and had to run a few blocks home... or maybe they were out jogging while it was sunny and the sky opened up and rained on them) Could you have offered them a ride? Did you smile and offer kindness to a store clerk who was nasty to you? (maybe she was upset as her boyfriend just broke up with her and she really wanted to be angry with the whole world) Is there one simple little thing you could do in your day that would allow someone to notice you are a Christian? I've changed my online radio to Christian radio... if you call my office and hear my music... you'll hear people singing praises to God.
But Lord knows I'm far from perfect. I went at lunch today to pick up Amanda from her work (Target). I DID go to pick her up because I knew it was 'the right thing to do'. But I was irritated and it showed... I was rushed and made a comment about my 'lunch hour' now being a lunch 30 minutes. Why did I have to be nasty about it? Just knowing it was 'the right thing to do' and therefore doing it wasn't good enough to get me into heaven... and I know that! Sigh... yeah... I've got work to do. A lot more than just that one little example!
So my Christian package has lots and lots of things in it. Daily prayer. Giving thanks to God - privately AND publicly. Doing good deeds for people. Raising two good kids myself and then raising my sisters kids when they really needed it. Sure... there are some things in that package that are not so good... my cursing is a bad habit that is far from Christian, my bad attitude towards things when I am frustrated, choosing not to do 'the right thing' for personal reasons, or my 2 year anger with God over Ron's death. But overall.... I think there is far more good in there than bad. And if I consciously make an effort to add more Christian things to my package every day... think of what a wonderful gift it'll make to the Father when I finally get to meet Him.
So.............. what about you? Is your gift ready?
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
How Much Can I Vent?
Let's see... I have about 30 minutes left of my day before I go home and I am up to my EYEBALLS with stuff.... how much can I vent in this blog in that period of time?? Lets see......
It started today with my talking to Julie. She has another visit tonight and I told her to be prepared... it was Progress Report night and that - most likely - a lot of punishment was going to be dished out this evening. She replied with something along the lines of "Oh reeeeeeaaaly? I thought they were doing so much BETTER since they were with you! I guess maybe not, huh?" Let me tell you what... my blood was boiling. I said to her "Uh, Julie... first of all, the classes are harder and the schools are better. They attend school every day. We do have to stay on top of them all the time to keep their grades up, but that's what we are supposed to do. But if you mean 'much better' in the sense that they are no longer involved in drugs or gangs, then yes - they are doing much better". I told her how much what she said pissed me off. She said she was 'kidding'. I didn't see the humor in it.
After that, my day was FULL of kid-related crap:
Getting Justin signed up for baseball...
Working with the little league to get him registered late (he's going to practice tonight)
Getting authorization for Kayla to go and see the psychiatrist next month
Filling out the paperwork for Justin for baseball
Talking to teachers about Jonathan
Calling medicaid and getting a replacement card for Justin (we've misplaced his original)
Making copies of custody paperwork for our files and for baseball tonight
Fill out Tricare paperwork to authorize myself to release information to myself (stupid, stupid, stupid!)
Talking to Jonathan about his poor grades
Talking to Justin about tonight - does he want to try out for Junior or Senior league?
And in the middle of all of THIS, Julie calls again and tells me that her attorney just called her and told her that Gwen could not go to her Judicial review in November. I told her.... "Julie, this is NOT my problem or concern". She is totally freaking out about this. I was so incredibly up to my eyeballs in CRAP that I couldn't even talk to her about it. I said "Julie, I don't care. What Gwen wants to do, she'll do. What I want to do, I'll do. What you want to do, you can do. None of it is MY problem... I can only control myself." Of course, in between all of this I'm doing quotes and orders for work. UGGGGG
Jonathan has - by far - the worst progress report of all 4 kids. He has 2 F's and 1 D. This is just so frustrating... it's the same thing year after year. Chris and I keep scratching our heads thinking why is it that what we are doing and/or have done is NOT working. Yet... I wonder... his progress reports are usually bad, but he DOES improve on his report cards. Does that mean not working... or is that progress? Of course, in an ideal world, we would want him to never get a zero... keep his grade HIGH to begin with so that he doesn't have to dig himself out of the HOLE that he digs every 9 weeks.
Kayla has the second worst with 2 B's, 2 C's, 2 D's and one F. Great.
Justin I told you had 2 A's, 3 B's and 1 C.
Kayte has ALL A's and B's!!! Whoot whoot!!
We were talking to my brother in law Tony last night who feels strongly about rewarding the kid who does the best in school. He and Chris talked about getting a PREPAID cell phone (loaded with 100 minutes or so, once they are out of min, they are out) for the one kid who did the best on each report card. He felt so strongly about it, he offered to go in on it and help purchase the minutes. This is definitely an option I would like to pursue. I don't think it'll help Jonathan though... he's not a cell phone kind of kid... but then again... I don't know what WILL help him.
All you blog readers out there... if you have any constructive ideas for Jonathan, let me know. I am open to trying anything at this point!
This weekend will be rather exciting. On Sunday (Sat night as well for me) Chris and I will be singing on the Praise Team again. This time with a different team. I'm excited and worried about it at the same time. I'm excited because it was SO much fun last time. Worried because I'm afraid last time was a fluke and it won't be as spiritually wonderful to me as it was before. Guess there's only one thing to do... give it to God and sing my heart out.
Well.... lookie there. It's time to go. I have this impending feeling of doom in my heart as I know what awaits me at home.... going home and trying to figure out HOW to motivate Jonathan while punishing him at the same time. I just want to vomit. Seriously.
Add to this the stress of the other things that have gone on today and I'm just sick. I just finished saying a little prayer about it to God. I asked him to allow me to be a vessel... to work through me in a way that will HELP Jonathan. Not not allow it all to be about anger. Yet not to be so easy on him that he doesn't learn anything. Please say a prayer as well. I'll let you know how it goes later.
It started today with my talking to Julie. She has another visit tonight and I told her to be prepared... it was Progress Report night and that - most likely - a lot of punishment was going to be dished out this evening. She replied with something along the lines of "Oh reeeeeeaaaly? I thought they were doing so much BETTER since they were with you! I guess maybe not, huh?" Let me tell you what... my blood was boiling. I said to her "Uh, Julie... first of all, the classes are harder and the schools are better. They attend school every day. We do have to stay on top of them all the time to keep their grades up, but that's what we are supposed to do. But if you mean 'much better' in the sense that they are no longer involved in drugs or gangs, then yes - they are doing much better". I told her how much what she said pissed me off. She said she was 'kidding'. I didn't see the humor in it.
After that, my day was FULL of kid-related crap:
Getting Justin signed up for baseball...
Working with the little league to get him registered late (he's going to practice tonight)
Getting authorization for Kayla to go and see the psychiatrist next month
Filling out the paperwork for Justin for baseball
Talking to teachers about Jonathan
Calling medicaid and getting a replacement card for Justin (we've misplaced his original)
Making copies of custody paperwork for our files and for baseball tonight
Fill out Tricare paperwork to authorize myself to release information to myself (stupid, stupid, stupid!)
Talking to Jonathan about his poor grades
Talking to Justin about tonight - does he want to try out for Junior or Senior league?
And in the middle of all of THIS, Julie calls again and tells me that her attorney just called her and told her that Gwen could not go to her Judicial review in November. I told her.... "Julie, this is NOT my problem or concern". She is totally freaking out about this. I was so incredibly up to my eyeballs in CRAP that I couldn't even talk to her about it. I said "Julie, I don't care. What Gwen wants to do, she'll do. What I want to do, I'll do. What you want to do, you can do. None of it is MY problem... I can only control myself." Of course, in between all of this I'm doing quotes and orders for work. UGGGGG
Jonathan has - by far - the worst progress report of all 4 kids. He has 2 F's and 1 D. This is just so frustrating... it's the same thing year after year. Chris and I keep scratching our heads thinking why is it that what we are doing and/or have done is NOT working. Yet... I wonder... his progress reports are usually bad, but he DOES improve on his report cards. Does that mean not working... or is that progress? Of course, in an ideal world, we would want him to never get a zero... keep his grade HIGH to begin with so that he doesn't have to dig himself out of the HOLE that he digs every 9 weeks.
Kayla has the second worst with 2 B's, 2 C's, 2 D's and one F. Great.
Justin I told you had 2 A's, 3 B's and 1 C.
Kayte has ALL A's and B's!!! Whoot whoot!!
We were talking to my brother in law Tony last night who feels strongly about rewarding the kid who does the best in school. He and Chris talked about getting a PREPAID cell phone (loaded with 100 minutes or so, once they are out of min, they are out) for the one kid who did the best on each report card. He felt so strongly about it, he offered to go in on it and help purchase the minutes. This is definitely an option I would like to pursue. I don't think it'll help Jonathan though... he's not a cell phone kind of kid... but then again... I don't know what WILL help him.
All you blog readers out there... if you have any constructive ideas for Jonathan, let me know. I am open to trying anything at this point!
This weekend will be rather exciting. On Sunday (Sat night as well for me) Chris and I will be singing on the Praise Team again. This time with a different team. I'm excited and worried about it at the same time. I'm excited because it was SO much fun last time. Worried because I'm afraid last time was a fluke and it won't be as spiritually wonderful to me as it was before. Guess there's only one thing to do... give it to God and sing my heart out.
Well.... lookie there. It's time to go. I have this impending feeling of doom in my heart as I know what awaits me at home.... going home and trying to figure out HOW to motivate Jonathan while punishing him at the same time. I just want to vomit. Seriously.
Add to this the stress of the other things that have gone on today and I'm just sick. I just finished saying a little prayer about it to God. I asked him to allow me to be a vessel... to work through me in a way that will HELP Jonathan. Not not allow it all to be about anger. Yet not to be so easy on him that he doesn't learn anything. Please say a prayer as well. I'll let you know how it goes later.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Kids Will Be Kids
This weekend was pretty great. Jonathan sang on a show at Innisbrook on Saturday and did VERY well. The theme of the show was "The Future of Barbershop"... and they sang two songs and got a standing ovation! It was awesome! We had some behavior issues with Jonathan... which continue to get him into trouble. I thought he had taken his meds that morning, but maybe not. UGG. He went up to some guys in a Top 3 in the WORLD quartet and asked them to "Sign my boob". Denise, their coach, was mortified when one of the guys told her that one of 'her boys' asked her this. Sigh.... Jonathan is (in my opinion) the best voice but also has the worst behavior in the quartet. Frustrating. However... I just talked to a friend about the whole thing who tells me to "Forget it! He's a kid acting like a kid! " I needed that perspective! **grins**
While we were at Innisbrook, the girls mostly stayed in the room or at the pool. Justin went with us to the show. For whatever reason... Justin enjoys this music. I know, I know, I couldn't believe it myself, but he does. I even heard him singing a duet with Jonathan on one of his quartet songs! Of course it's always fun when Amanda is there and we can sing 4-part harmony... tags... woodshed some songs... just fun fun fun. We stayed over at Innisbrook Saturday night and Sunday came back home.
On Monday night I made what some say is the best dinner I've ever cooked - Blackened Shrimp Fettucini Alfredo and Blackened Chicken Fettucini Alfredo. It was one of those Publix "Apron Meals" so it was pretty easy, and it was really awesome. The kids raved about it, saying that it looked and tasted like something they would order at Macaroni Grill. I'd agree.... and I can't wait for lunch today to go and eat some leftovers! Yummmmmm.
Things at home are going okay. Progress reports come home today... so we will see - for sure - who is doing what in class! I'm expecting a lot of punishment to be dealt to the kids tonight... let's hope I'm wrong. We still continue to modify and tweak the chore chart. On the whole, everyone does most of their chores most of the time - but typically have to be reminded. The kids do NOT gripe or complain about their chores, although they often just forget if not reminded. (For the record, I'll take forgetting over complaining any day of the week) The only one still not actively doing chores is Amanda. Her room looks like a BOMB went off in it... you can't even SEE the floor. When I talked to her about it last night she said "Since I'm paying $500 in rent, you can't say anything" and I quickly snapped back "YOU ARE PAYING RENT NOW??" Yeah, she's not begun to pay anything yet... and when she does, it'll be expenses ONLY for the first month or two. However, I told her - when she DOES start paying rent - we are going to require the SAME thing from her that we did from Julie and Katie when they lived with us years ago and paid rent... Messy is okay -- however dirty/filthy/a wreck is not acceptable. The room can not attract bugs or rodents as a result of how it's kept. I told her -- "If you don't like it.... MOVE". Harsh words... I know... but I felt they were necessary. There are other things going on with Amanda that I don't blog about for good reason... but just trust me when I say that our relationship is often times strained. We love her so very much... and we want her to do everything necessary to pay back everyone she owes and get on her own feet. When she does things that are not headed in that direction we get......... frustrated.
ANYways... what else is new? Chris is headed to Orlando this weekend. The high schoolers are going to Universal and he's their bus driver. I'm hoping to get Justin and Kayla registered to go... it's only $50 each... but not sure I have that right now. But I'm praying about it and I'm sure it'll happen if it's supposed to happen. Speaking of Orlando.... Friday night we may go to a party in Orlando. The little girl I've blogged about before, Christal (8yo with brain cancer), is having a Hawaii themed party at some awesome place in Orlando. I'd love to see Chris, Drew and Christal first and foremost... and secondly is that I know the kids would have fun. They are going to have fun, food, games, food, silly string fights, food. LOL It's just a long drive to Orlando on a Friday night... not sure that I want to do that, but we'll see. I'll pray about it, and if we are supposed to go, we'll go.
Kayla is in a new class at school -- sewing. She LOVES it. She has always like making things, so I'm really not surprised that she's enjoying this class so much. She has been asking me for a sewing machine... if anyone knows where I can get a simple one rather cheaply, I'd appreciate if you'd let me know. It would make her year!
Our two high-schoolers just came home with progress reports. Well, Justin did... Kayla left hers in school. Justin has 2 A's, 3 B's and 1 C. (The C is in Geometry which we knew he was struggling just a little in). Kayla 'forgot' hers, but thanks to that cool online tool, Edline, we can check most of her grades online anyways. We know that she has at least 2 B's, 1 C, 1 D and 1 F. There's another grade 'missing' so we'll have to take a look at the progress report tomorrow. If she doesn't bring it home I'll call the school for it. She's obviously on restriction already thanks to the F and D. Frrrrrrrrrustrating. The middle schoolers get their progress reports tomorrow. More on that when they come in!
Julie is coming over again tomorrow night, and she's bringing food once again. (Yippee!) I really can't complain about her visit last week, so I'm looking at this visit with a very high level of optimism. Julie called today to tell me that she pretty much fired Dr. Vergeese -- she's not going to see him any more. She's seeing this new Doctor and she really likes him. She's always hated it that Dr. Vergeese talks about his other patients while he's seeing her, and she's asked him each and every time to stop, and he just continues. A part of me also feels that Julie is upset that he's refusing to write the letter that she wants. That same part of me wonders if the new doctor fully understands the extent of Julie's illness and her history. I mean... he started seeing her at her absolute best in dozens of years. However, I know that - if Julie is not really better... then eventually it'll come back... eventually she'll have another cutting episode or depression episode or try to hurt/kill herself again.
It's late and I really can't think of anything more to blog about at the moment. I'm trying hard to stay off the Amanda subject because it is weighing so heavily on my heart at the moment. I'll just ask that you say prayers for her... and for us.
While we were at Innisbrook, the girls mostly stayed in the room or at the pool. Justin went with us to the show. For whatever reason... Justin enjoys this music. I know, I know, I couldn't believe it myself, but he does. I even heard him singing a duet with Jonathan on one of his quartet songs! Of course it's always fun when Amanda is there and we can sing 4-part harmony... tags... woodshed some songs... just fun fun fun. We stayed over at Innisbrook Saturday night and Sunday came back home.
On Monday night I made what some say is the best dinner I've ever cooked - Blackened Shrimp Fettucini Alfredo and Blackened Chicken Fettucini Alfredo. It was one of those Publix "Apron Meals" so it was pretty easy, and it was really awesome. The kids raved about it, saying that it looked and tasted like something they would order at Macaroni Grill. I'd agree.... and I can't wait for lunch today to go and eat some leftovers! Yummmmmm.
Things at home are going okay. Progress reports come home today... so we will see - for sure - who is doing what in class! I'm expecting a lot of punishment to be dealt to the kids tonight... let's hope I'm wrong. We still continue to modify and tweak the chore chart. On the whole, everyone does most of their chores most of the time - but typically have to be reminded. The kids do NOT gripe or complain about their chores, although they often just forget if not reminded. (For the record, I'll take forgetting over complaining any day of the week) The only one still not actively doing chores is Amanda. Her room looks like a BOMB went off in it... you can't even SEE the floor. When I talked to her about it last night she said "Since I'm paying $500 in rent, you can't say anything" and I quickly snapped back "YOU ARE PAYING RENT NOW??" Yeah, she's not begun to pay anything yet... and when she does, it'll be expenses ONLY for the first month or two. However, I told her - when she DOES start paying rent - we are going to require the SAME thing from her that we did from Julie and Katie when they lived with us years ago and paid rent... Messy is okay -- however dirty/filthy/a wreck is not acceptable. The room can not attract bugs or rodents as a result of how it's kept. I told her -- "If you don't like it.... MOVE". Harsh words... I know... but I felt they were necessary. There are other things going on with Amanda that I don't blog about for good reason... but just trust me when I say that our relationship is often times strained. We love her so very much... and we want her to do everything necessary to pay back everyone she owes and get on her own feet. When she does things that are not headed in that direction we get......... frustrated.
ANYways... what else is new? Chris is headed to Orlando this weekend. The high schoolers are going to Universal and he's their bus driver. I'm hoping to get Justin and Kayla registered to go... it's only $50 each... but not sure I have that right now. But I'm praying about it and I'm sure it'll happen if it's supposed to happen. Speaking of Orlando.... Friday night we may go to a party in Orlando. The little girl I've blogged about before, Christal (8yo with brain cancer), is having a Hawaii themed party at some awesome place in Orlando. I'd love to see Chris, Drew and Christal first and foremost... and secondly is that I know the kids would have fun. They are going to have fun, food, games, food, silly string fights, food. LOL It's just a long drive to Orlando on a Friday night... not sure that I want to do that, but we'll see. I'll pray about it, and if we are supposed to go, we'll go.
Kayla is in a new class at school -- sewing. She LOVES it. She has always like making things, so I'm really not surprised that she's enjoying this class so much. She has been asking me for a sewing machine... if anyone knows where I can get a simple one rather cheaply, I'd appreciate if you'd let me know. It would make her year!
Our two high-schoolers just came home with progress reports. Well, Justin did... Kayla left hers in school. Justin has 2 A's, 3 B's and 1 C. (The C is in Geometry which we knew he was struggling just a little in). Kayla 'forgot' hers, but thanks to that cool online tool, Edline, we can check most of her grades online anyways. We know that she has at least 2 B's, 1 C, 1 D and 1 F. There's another grade 'missing' so we'll have to take a look at the progress report tomorrow. If she doesn't bring it home I'll call the school for it. She's obviously on restriction already thanks to the F and D. Frrrrrrrrrustrating. The middle schoolers get their progress reports tomorrow. More on that when they come in!
Julie is coming over again tomorrow night, and she's bringing food once again. (Yippee!) I really can't complain about her visit last week, so I'm looking at this visit with a very high level of optimism. Julie called today to tell me that she pretty much fired Dr. Vergeese -- she's not going to see him any more. She's seeing this new Doctor and she really likes him. She's always hated it that Dr. Vergeese talks about his other patients while he's seeing her, and she's asked him each and every time to stop, and he just continues. A part of me also feels that Julie is upset that he's refusing to write the letter that she wants. That same part of me wonders if the new doctor fully understands the extent of Julie's illness and her history. I mean... he started seeing her at her absolute best in dozens of years. However, I know that - if Julie is not really better... then eventually it'll come back... eventually she'll have another cutting episode or depression episode or try to hurt/kill herself again.
It's late and I really can't think of anything more to blog about at the moment. I'm trying hard to stay off the Amanda subject because it is weighing so heavily on my heart at the moment. I'll just ask that you say prayers for her... and for us.
Friday, September 01, 2006
I Hate Mornings
Contestant: "Yes, Alex. I'll take "I Hate Mornings" for $100 please."
Alex: "The kids getting up on their own for school each morning could only be described as this."
Contestant: "What is impossible."
**ding**ding**ding**ding** Yes, that is correct!
Yet another morning where the kids didn't get up on their own. Here is the morning schedule: Justin gets up around 5:00am, Kayla up at 5:30 - both Kayla and Justin to leave the house at 6:30 to catch their bus. Jonathan to wake up at 6:40am and Kayte to wake up at 7:30 - both Kayte and Jonathan to leave to catch their bus at 8:30.
However, nobody wakes up to their alarm clocks. Furthermore, the high schoolers are up 2 hours before the middle schoolers need to be up, but in each room is one high schooler and one middle schooler. So they are all grumpy as well. I've tried backing up the time they go to bed... moving bedtime from 10pm to 9pm. But nobody sleeps till 11 or so anyways. And even on nights that they DO go to bed on time, they are still late the next morning as nobody hears their alarm clocks.
I myself set my alarm clock for 7:30 to be out the door by 7:40, but I wake up almost every morning at 5ish to get up and check on the kids (who are usually still sleeping), then the same thing at 6:45-7:00-ish. Those of you who know I'm not a morning person will find it hard to believe that I just 'wake up' in the mornings to check on the kids, but I do. Not the same time every morning, but every morning none the less. And so waking up in this manner usually will make me grumpy as wll. I will say here that Justin is usually the best at getting up on his own... but this morning he didn't do it. Justin and Kayla got up at 6:20 and had to be out the door at 6:30 in order to not miss their bus. They were late... but apparently their bus was as well.
I know what some of you are thinking... I should set my alarm clock for 5am as well and make sure the kids are up. Well, the problem with that is two-fold; one being that I can't handle working on less than 7 hours of sleep (Chris can, but I can't), and second is that, I would have to go to bed at 10pm every night - but - after 10pm is my only adult and/or alone time. **sigh**
I spoke with the new DCF lady yesterday, Natalia. She was very.... professional, matter of fact, and spoke in general terms (not specific) in her discussion with me. Of course, she's yet to meet myself, the kids or Julie yet. But anyways... I was glad I made a list of things to talk to her about. I found out that her next "staffing" is scheduled for 10/10 and right now that staffing is for 'reunification plans'. Then her next court date, what they call 'judicial review' is set for 11/21. I will for sure be going to that court date.
Natalia explained to me how reunification would work: Julie would first be allowed unsupervised visits, 2 hours for 2 weeks, then 4 hours for 2 week, eventually up to a day, then eventually overnight. The folks at DCF would make the plans at the October staffing meeting, then bring their plans to the judge at the judicial review. I also found out that the hearing IS open and family members are allowed to attend.
Some of the things I discussed with Natalia: She needs to meet with Dr. Vergeese. She said that she would not meet with him, but she would be happy to talk to him on the phone. I told her some of the concerns that Vergeese had, in particular the sex addict problem and again said Dr. Vergeese would talk to her more about it. (By the way, she told me that it was NOT okay for Julie to have anyone move in as long as they cleared a background check - I don't know where Julie got that from) I told her about Kayla's therapy and future Psychiatric appointment. She didn't have much to say about that, but I gave her the information. I asked about the kids being able to sleep over friends houses - and she said 100% positive "NO". Well... not entirely no, but if they wanted to sleep over a friend's house, the family where they are going would have to consent to background checks, fingerprinting and a home study. She went on to add that many times friends don't want to go through all of that, and then other times they say it's okay to do it, but the background check shows that there was a "domestic problem" call made once in the past and the kids are told they are not allowed to go over there. That opens a whole can of worms that most people don't want to open. She told me to tell the kids that - once they are reunified with their mom they can go wherever the heck they want. Oh yeah... that's fair, huh?
I then got a call from Dr. Vergeese today. He was furious about 2 things; first of all that Natalia would refuse to meet with him. Second he was upset with Julie. He went on ranting and raving about how DCF wants everything from him, but then won't meet with him to discuss it. He said... "it's her JOB and she should meet with me". He then told me that Julie had missed a lot of appointments lately. Some she missed because she was working, others she missed because she slept through them. Either way, they were missed and he didn't like it one bit. He said that he knew she had to work, but that she should be able to adjust her schedule to accomodate her doctors appointments. He wonders if Julie just considers herself 'fixed' and thinks she can handle things on her own. That would be very dangerous for Julie.
I think I'm going to write Julie a detailed letter telling her my thoughts/feelings on reunification and her progress. I do NOT usually talk about anything here that I don't talk to Julie about as well... after all, she could stumble across my blog online and I don't want her to be surprised by anything she would read.
UGG... just got a call from Chris and our Durango is broke down. This is NOT good... we need that vehicle for all these kids. He thinks it the battery, but he charged it and it still won't start. He's on his way to buy something from the auto parts store to see if that helps. Course, that means he missed a full day of work today. Crap. I just keep thinking to myself, "Not now, God.... please not now!" First of all, I'm tired from this morning and it's going to be a very long night already tonight. Second of all, it's a HUGE weekend for us with Jonathan performing at Labor Day Jamboree. We're supposed to bring all the kids up tomorrow (Saturday) and sleep over at Innisbrook. And last, but certainly not least, we can't do any with the kids in just the Mustang. It uncomfortably holds 2 people in the back seat... not to mention how WET it is throughout with all the rain we've had. (Yes, it leaks). UGG... God.. please don't let it be anything more than just a battery right now.
I'll leave you with this thought for today. A friend of mine from Church had a blog about ‘What Fills Your Tank’. He talked about how we all have an emotional “tank” and how each of us has things that fill and drain our emotional tank. If your life is full of things that suck your tank dry, you end up with a high stress level, anxiety attacks, and nervous breakdowns. This made me think about my life and how I was living day to day... what fills and drains my tank. I thought I'd list them:
What Drains My Tank:
1. I – Me – Mine People. Chris and I have noticed it over the years… the people who go around only thinking of themselves, stuck in the “I, me and mine” frame of mind. You know the frame of mind… “What’s in it for me?” “What do I get if I do this/that?” "You can't have it because it's mine!" “What is the benefit to me?” These people are everywhere; some manage to hide it while others do it out in the open. My daughter is a good example of this frame of mind but I think it’s just the age. She’s taught the other kids to actually count the number of “you” vs. “I” in requests they make of Chris and I. Meaning… if you are going to ask for something, make sure that your request has more “you” in it that “I”. Example, “I know YOU are not feeling well. I know YOU have worked hard today. I’m sure YOU would like a little peace and quiet when YOU get home from work today. Is it okay if I go over Jessica’s house tonight?” Now, I think the concept itself is wonderful, but at the same time, they are still in the “I, me, mine” frame of mind, only they are consciously making efforts to conceal it. Another example of I, Me, Mine: You ask someone to do you a favor, but the reply is “yes, BUT” and follows something THEY want in return.
2. Angry People. There are too many things to deal with from day to day to worry about angry people. All of us are sinners. All of us have anger. All of us have things that we wish were done some other way or handled differently. Jesus died on the cross to take away our sins and we are supposed to bring our problems to Him. Angry people who yell and shout are just trying to take their anger and throw it at other people, instead of giving it to the Father. Even if the angry person is trying to throw their anger my way and I don’t allow it to ‘stick’, it still drains my tank.
3. Paycheck to Paycheck. I wasn’t sure if I should put this in here… but it is one of my top three tank drainers. Living paycheck to paycheck and just never being sure that I’m going to make it till next payday. God forbid an emergency come up (need that car battery today!) and I need money that was allocated because then I’m short someplace else. I’ve always thought of it as just “reality”…. As just “the way it is”. Now that I’ve actually identified it as one of my top 3 drains, I think I’ll proactively try to make a change. Even if it’s only a small fund to draw from in case of emergency, I think it would help.
What Fills My Tank:
1. Music. Gosh I love music… music sings to my soul. Singing with the choir on Sundays, singing on the Praise Team, or singing at Toast of Tampa – this fills my tank big-time. It not the singing that does it for me, it’s the music. If I still had my saxophone, I’d be playing it as often as I could as well. Music speaks to me on a spiritual level, and by sharing music with others, I hope that it transcends me and fills others with the passion, love and Holy Spirit that I feel as well.
2. Kids. Spending time with the kids makes my heart happy. As adults, we know we teach them by our words and actions. However if you pay attention, they are teaching us as well. Kids have an innocence and understanding that we often forget and spending time with them and recognizing those things makes me happy.
3. Blogging. I know it sounds weird, but – it’s therapeutic! I often times forget to say ‘thank you’ to God and others in my life who are doing things for me every day. I often times will forget to stop and smell the roses or I’ll feel like what is happening at that very moment is the worst thing ever. Blogging helps me to put my feelings and inner-most thoughts on paper and allows me to gain perspective.
I challenge you think about what fills you up and what drains you. How are you living your life? Is your tank almost empty near a nervous breakdown, or are making an effort to say "no" to things that drain you so you can stay healthy? Are you getting enough of the things that fill your tank? Could you do more of those things?
Alex: "The kids getting up on their own for school each morning could only be described as this."
Contestant: "What is impossible."
**ding**ding**ding**ding** Yes, that is correct!
Yet another morning where the kids didn't get up on their own. Here is the morning schedule: Justin gets up around 5:00am, Kayla up at 5:30 - both Kayla and Justin to leave the house at 6:30 to catch their bus. Jonathan to wake up at 6:40am and Kayte to wake up at 7:30 - both Kayte and Jonathan to leave to catch their bus at 8:30.
However, nobody wakes up to their alarm clocks. Furthermore, the high schoolers are up 2 hours before the middle schoolers need to be up, but in each room is one high schooler and one middle schooler. So they are all grumpy as well. I've tried backing up the time they go to bed... moving bedtime from 10pm to 9pm. But nobody sleeps till 11 or so anyways. And even on nights that they DO go to bed on time, they are still late the next morning as nobody hears their alarm clocks.
I myself set my alarm clock for 7:30 to be out the door by 7:40, but I wake up almost every morning at 5ish to get up and check on the kids (who are usually still sleeping), then the same thing at 6:45-7:00-ish. Those of you who know I'm not a morning person will find it hard to believe that I just 'wake up' in the mornings to check on the kids, but I do. Not the same time every morning, but every morning none the less. And so waking up in this manner usually will make me grumpy as wll. I will say here that Justin is usually the best at getting up on his own... but this morning he didn't do it. Justin and Kayla got up at 6:20 and had to be out the door at 6:30 in order to not miss their bus. They were late... but apparently their bus was as well.
I know what some of you are thinking... I should set my alarm clock for 5am as well and make sure the kids are up. Well, the problem with that is two-fold; one being that I can't handle working on less than 7 hours of sleep (Chris can, but I can't), and second is that, I would have to go to bed at 10pm every night - but - after 10pm is my only adult and/or alone time. **sigh**
I spoke with the new DCF lady yesterday, Natalia. She was very.... professional, matter of fact, and spoke in general terms (not specific) in her discussion with me. Of course, she's yet to meet myself, the kids or Julie yet. But anyways... I was glad I made a list of things to talk to her about. I found out that her next "staffing" is scheduled for 10/10 and right now that staffing is for 'reunification plans'. Then her next court date, what they call 'judicial review' is set for 11/21. I will for sure be going to that court date.
Natalia explained to me how reunification would work: Julie would first be allowed unsupervised visits, 2 hours for 2 weeks, then 4 hours for 2 week, eventually up to a day, then eventually overnight. The folks at DCF would make the plans at the October staffing meeting, then bring their plans to the judge at the judicial review. I also found out that the hearing IS open and family members are allowed to attend.
Some of the things I discussed with Natalia: She needs to meet with Dr. Vergeese. She said that she would not meet with him, but she would be happy to talk to him on the phone. I told her some of the concerns that Vergeese had, in particular the sex addict problem and again said Dr. Vergeese would talk to her more about it. (By the way, she told me that it was NOT okay for Julie to have anyone move in as long as they cleared a background check - I don't know where Julie got that from) I told her about Kayla's therapy and future Psychiatric appointment. She didn't have much to say about that, but I gave her the information. I asked about the kids being able to sleep over friends houses - and she said 100% positive "NO". Well... not entirely no, but if they wanted to sleep over a friend's house, the family where they are going would have to consent to background checks, fingerprinting and a home study. She went on to add that many times friends don't want to go through all of that, and then other times they say it's okay to do it, but the background check shows that there was a "domestic problem" call made once in the past and the kids are told they are not allowed to go over there. That opens a whole can of worms that most people don't want to open. She told me to tell the kids that - once they are reunified with their mom they can go wherever the heck they want. Oh yeah... that's fair, huh?
I then got a call from Dr. Vergeese today. He was furious about 2 things; first of all that Natalia would refuse to meet with him. Second he was upset with Julie. He went on ranting and raving about how DCF wants everything from him, but then won't meet with him to discuss it. He said... "it's her JOB and she should meet with me". He then told me that Julie had missed a lot of appointments lately. Some she missed because she was working, others she missed because she slept through them. Either way, they were missed and he didn't like it one bit. He said that he knew she had to work, but that she should be able to adjust her schedule to accomodate her doctors appointments. He wonders if Julie just considers herself 'fixed' and thinks she can handle things on her own. That would be very dangerous for Julie.
I think I'm going to write Julie a detailed letter telling her my thoughts/feelings on reunification and her progress. I do NOT usually talk about anything here that I don't talk to Julie about as well... after all, she could stumble across my blog online and I don't want her to be surprised by anything she would read.
UGG... just got a call from Chris and our Durango is broke down. This is NOT good... we need that vehicle for all these kids. He thinks it the battery, but he charged it and it still won't start. He's on his way to buy something from the auto parts store to see if that helps. Course, that means he missed a full day of work today. Crap. I just keep thinking to myself, "Not now, God.... please not now!" First of all, I'm tired from this morning and it's going to be a very long night already tonight. Second of all, it's a HUGE weekend for us with Jonathan performing at Labor Day Jamboree. We're supposed to bring all the kids up tomorrow (Saturday) and sleep over at Innisbrook. And last, but certainly not least, we can't do any with the kids in just the Mustang. It uncomfortably holds 2 people in the back seat... not to mention how WET it is throughout with all the rain we've had. (Yes, it leaks). UGG... God.. please don't let it be anything more than just a battery right now.
I'll leave you with this thought for today. A friend of mine from Church had a blog about ‘What Fills Your Tank’. He talked about how we all have an emotional “tank” and how each of us has things that fill and drain our emotional tank. If your life is full of things that suck your tank dry, you end up with a high stress level, anxiety attacks, and nervous breakdowns. This made me think about my life and how I was living day to day... what fills and drains my tank. I thought I'd list them:
What Drains My Tank:
1. I – Me – Mine People. Chris and I have noticed it over the years… the people who go around only thinking of themselves, stuck in the “I, me and mine” frame of mind. You know the frame of mind… “What’s in it for me?” “What do I get if I do this/that?” "You can't have it because it's mine!" “What is the benefit to me?” These people are everywhere; some manage to hide it while others do it out in the open. My daughter is a good example of this frame of mind but I think it’s just the age. She’s taught the other kids to actually count the number of “you” vs. “I” in requests they make of Chris and I. Meaning… if you are going to ask for something, make sure that your request has more “you” in it that “I”. Example, “I know YOU are not feeling well. I know YOU have worked hard today. I’m sure YOU would like a little peace and quiet when YOU get home from work today. Is it okay if I go over Jessica’s house tonight?” Now, I think the concept itself is wonderful, but at the same time, they are still in the “I, me, mine” frame of mind, only they are consciously making efforts to conceal it. Another example of I, Me, Mine: You ask someone to do you a favor, but the reply is “yes, BUT” and follows something THEY want in return.
2. Angry People. There are too many things to deal with from day to day to worry about angry people. All of us are sinners. All of us have anger. All of us have things that we wish were done some other way or handled differently. Jesus died on the cross to take away our sins and we are supposed to bring our problems to Him. Angry people who yell and shout are just trying to take their anger and throw it at other people, instead of giving it to the Father. Even if the angry person is trying to throw their anger my way and I don’t allow it to ‘stick’, it still drains my tank.
3. Paycheck to Paycheck. I wasn’t sure if I should put this in here… but it is one of my top three tank drainers. Living paycheck to paycheck and just never being sure that I’m going to make it till next payday. God forbid an emergency come up (need that car battery today!) and I need money that was allocated because then I’m short someplace else. I’ve always thought of it as just “reality”…. As just “the way it is”. Now that I’ve actually identified it as one of my top 3 drains, I think I’ll proactively try to make a change. Even if it’s only a small fund to draw from in case of emergency, I think it would help.
What Fills My Tank:
1. Music. Gosh I love music… music sings to my soul. Singing with the choir on Sundays, singing on the Praise Team, or singing at Toast of Tampa – this fills my tank big-time. It not the singing that does it for me, it’s the music. If I still had my saxophone, I’d be playing it as often as I could as well. Music speaks to me on a spiritual level, and by sharing music with others, I hope that it transcends me and fills others with the passion, love and Holy Spirit that I feel as well.
2. Kids. Spending time with the kids makes my heart happy. As adults, we know we teach them by our words and actions. However if you pay attention, they are teaching us as well. Kids have an innocence and understanding that we often forget and spending time with them and recognizing those things makes me happy.
3. Blogging. I know it sounds weird, but – it’s therapeutic! I often times forget to say ‘thank you’ to God and others in my life who are doing things for me every day. I often times will forget to stop and smell the roses or I’ll feel like what is happening at that very moment is the worst thing ever. Blogging helps me to put my feelings and inner-most thoughts on paper and allows me to gain perspective.
I challenge you think about what fills you up and what drains you. How are you living your life? Is your tank almost empty near a nervous breakdown, or are making an effort to say "no" to things that drain you so you can stay healthy? Are you getting enough of the things that fill your tank? Could you do more of those things?
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Julie's Therapist
I received a phone call last night from Julie's therapist, Dr. Vergeese. I think by now we all know how I feel about Dr. Vergeese. He's been treating her for over 15 years and Julie is still - well - where she is.
When he first called, he wanted me to make an appointment to come see him at his office. After my last two visits, I was unwilling to waste any more time doing that. So this time when he wanted to see me, I told him that he could call me anytime and we could discuss it on the phone.
He called and told me that Julie was putting intense pressure on him to write a letter. He asked me how I thought Julie was doing. I told him that I was impressed with how well she was doing... that she hadn't done drugs or abused her prescriptions in many months, that she had a job and was doing well with it, and that overall she just seemed to be doing much better. When he asked for my areas of concern, I told him that I only really had two: one being that she was still having the sex addict problems and I told him about the 23-year old guy moving in w/ her from out of state that she didn't know (except from talking to him on the Internet) and two being that she was doing what she was TOLD to do, not because she understands what she did was wrong. I felt as if she didn't understand WHY she was doing it that way... and that if she was just doing it because someone told her to with no real moral compass, that when left on her own, she might not not do very well.
He told me that he had the same concerns. Well, almost the same concerns that is. He knew she was a sex addict and that she had been continuing down that road unchecked by anyone at DCF. He did NOT know about the guy moving in with her. (oops) He was pretty upset about this and told me that - before the kids moved back home, this issue WOULD be addressed. The other thing he was concerned about was that Julie was (his words) extremely 'superficial' right now. He went on to explain that, on the surface she was doing much better. But he was still deeply concerned as she still has no "values, morals and ethics". We went on to discuss whether or not this could be learned and he stated that he had hope that she could learn. He felt that, if she could learn to stop the drugs, self medicating and self mutilation, then maybe she could learn morals, ethics and value. Along with the 'surface' discussion, he talked about how she WAS doing what she needed to do, but only because someone TOLD her to do it.
He told me that he did not think Julie should get the kids back yet, as he still had a lot of work to do with her before he felt comfortable with that. He agreed that the kids were 'safe' right now and that made it easier to work with Julie on just Julie. I can totally and completely understand this.... if I had something that I myself needed to work on about myself, it would be difficult, if not impossible, to do it while the kids were here. They require a LOT of supervision, time, love, time, support and time. Did I mention time? Yeah.....
He wants to have a meeting with myself and Natalia (the new DCF worker). I told him that I would call her and ask her about it, but not to expect it anytime soon. (I already have 2 calls out to her and haven't heard from her yet) He said he wants to know what DCF was thinking and what their plan of action was, and I told him that they wouldn't know that yet - that they were waiting for Julie to get some other mental exam done and then they would decide. He doesn't want to wait. He said that Julie keeps pushing him to write some letter (he actually said this multiple times throughout the conversation) stating that she was all better now and should get her kids back, and that, he just couldn't do it. I think he wants a meeting in person to say this as he doesn't want to put anything on paper. He's always been that way... as if he doesn't want to hurt Julie's feelings.
My concern is that - Julie knows I talked to him. Heck, she is the one who set it all up. What if she asks me what we talked about? Should I tell her that I told him about her 23-year old guy? I've definitely gotten the feeling that Vergeese says one thing to her face but has a different opinion when she's not right there. If that's so... then maybe Julie is really expecting him to write a letter saying that she should get her kids back soon. I think my plan of action for now is to do nothing. I put another call out to Natalia... and I'm just going to talk to her about my list of things I need to go over with her, including Vergeese. If Julie asks... I'll be non-specific. We'll see if that works.
As to the visit itself (I know you are chomping at the bits to know how it went) - it was okay. She came over and brought TONS of Popeye's food. The kids then mentioned going to Coldstone, and Julie had never been, so we took her there for dessert. Meanwhile, Chris and Jonathan had dinner with Chris's mom Evelyn who just had a birthday. Amanda and Gene didn't come home till much later - so for the actual 'dinner' there were only 5 of us. Only 5... that's funny. The only bad part about dinner was watching Julie eat. Sigh... I know this isn't nice.... but it's really gross to watch her eat. Food falls out of her mouth, sauce or other food just stuck all over her face and mouth. I talked to her about her weight, and she said that she's actually lost weight, which I find really hard to believe. But ANYways... everything about dinner went pretty good all in all.
At the visit Julie made mention several times to the kids about their rooms.. how much they had been cleaned out for them (cleaning lady was there cleaning while she was with us) and how great it was going to be when they got back home. I was okay with this, but at several points during her visit, I did wonder where she got so MUCH money. She spent over $60 on dinner, her nails again looked great, new clothes, she talked about her house-keeper she had at the house, and she had plenty of cash in her wallet when we went out for ice cream. I know she's working... but at $7.50 an hour, how much extra cash could she have? And all of us family know that this time of the month... end of the month... she is usually really broke. Yeah... and a lot of that is sister jealousy... I'd love to have my nails done.... pedicure.... new clothes... and pay for a house-keeper. Yeah... that would be awesome. So some jealousy there, but I think I've earned the right to be a little jealous over this. :o)
Kayla got another grade uploaded today. The high schoolers have their grades posted online which is GREAT... although not all the teachers have uploaded yet. Kayla - so far - has two subjects posted... one she has an F and one she has a D. SO.... she's going to be on restriction until this comes up! It's sad because she is not allowed on the computers at home, so she's either watching TV with us, out playing basketball, or in her room drawing. And most ALL of this she can do with a phone plastered to her ear. I think we are going to have to take the phone away... which I know is going to kill her. But she HAS to bring her grades up.
I better run... must finish working so I can get home and enjoy our Anniversary. We're just going to choir tonight. I haven't stopped to get Chris a card yet... and not sure if I should. In the past... Chris and I had had some very financially difficult times. It was during those time we created the card exchanging tradition. Who wants to pay $4.00 for a CARD?? So... we'd go to a store together, find the PERFECT card for one another, and then exchange them. We'd read them right there in the store. Do our little "awwwww's". Kiss. Say how perfect the card was. Then put it back on the shelf and leave. LOL Knowing the kids are with us and how strapped we are, I figured it was a card exchanging kind of year. Oh, and, Chris - if you are reading this.... "I LOVE YOU HONEY!" This one is for you.....
This Day I Married My Best Friend
This day I married my best friend...
the one I laugh with as we share life's wondrous zest,
as we find new enjoyments and experience all that's best....
the one I live for because the world seems brighter
as our happy times are better and our burdens feel much lighter....
the one I love with every fiber of my soul.
We used to feel vaguely incomplete, now together we are whole.
When he first called, he wanted me to make an appointment to come see him at his office. After my last two visits, I was unwilling to waste any more time doing that. So this time when he wanted to see me, I told him that he could call me anytime and we could discuss it on the phone.
He called and told me that Julie was putting intense pressure on him to write a letter. He asked me how I thought Julie was doing. I told him that I was impressed with how well she was doing... that she hadn't done drugs or abused her prescriptions in many months, that she had a job and was doing well with it, and that overall she just seemed to be doing much better. When he asked for my areas of concern, I told him that I only really had two: one being that she was still having the sex addict problems and I told him about the 23-year old guy moving in w/ her from out of state that she didn't know (except from talking to him on the Internet) and two being that she was doing what she was TOLD to do, not because she understands what she did was wrong. I felt as if she didn't understand WHY she was doing it that way... and that if she was just doing it because someone told her to with no real moral compass, that when left on her own, she might not not do very well.
He told me that he had the same concerns. Well, almost the same concerns that is. He knew she was a sex addict and that she had been continuing down that road unchecked by anyone at DCF. He did NOT know about the guy moving in with her. (oops) He was pretty upset about this and told me that - before the kids moved back home, this issue WOULD be addressed. The other thing he was concerned about was that Julie was (his words) extremely 'superficial' right now. He went on to explain that, on the surface she was doing much better. But he was still deeply concerned as she still has no "values, morals and ethics". We went on to discuss whether or not this could be learned and he stated that he had hope that she could learn. He felt that, if she could learn to stop the drugs, self medicating and self mutilation, then maybe she could learn morals, ethics and value. Along with the 'surface' discussion, he talked about how she WAS doing what she needed to do, but only because someone TOLD her to do it.
He told me that he did not think Julie should get the kids back yet, as he still had a lot of work to do with her before he felt comfortable with that. He agreed that the kids were 'safe' right now and that made it easier to work with Julie on just Julie. I can totally and completely understand this.... if I had something that I myself needed to work on about myself, it would be difficult, if not impossible, to do it while the kids were here. They require a LOT of supervision, time, love, time, support and time. Did I mention time? Yeah.....
He wants to have a meeting with myself and Natalia (the new DCF worker). I told him that I would call her and ask her about it, but not to expect it anytime soon. (I already have 2 calls out to her and haven't heard from her yet) He said he wants to know what DCF was thinking and what their plan of action was, and I told him that they wouldn't know that yet - that they were waiting for Julie to get some other mental exam done and then they would decide. He doesn't want to wait. He said that Julie keeps pushing him to write some letter (he actually said this multiple times throughout the conversation) stating that she was all better now and should get her kids back, and that, he just couldn't do it. I think he wants a meeting in person to say this as he doesn't want to put anything on paper. He's always been that way... as if he doesn't want to hurt Julie's feelings.
My concern is that - Julie knows I talked to him. Heck, she is the one who set it all up. What if she asks me what we talked about? Should I tell her that I told him about her 23-year old guy? I've definitely gotten the feeling that Vergeese says one thing to her face but has a different opinion when she's not right there. If that's so... then maybe Julie is really expecting him to write a letter saying that she should get her kids back soon. I think my plan of action for now is to do nothing. I put another call out to Natalia... and I'm just going to talk to her about my list of things I need to go over with her, including Vergeese. If Julie asks... I'll be non-specific. We'll see if that works.
As to the visit itself (I know you are chomping at the bits to know how it went) - it was okay. She came over and brought TONS of Popeye's food. The kids then mentioned going to Coldstone, and Julie had never been, so we took her there for dessert. Meanwhile, Chris and Jonathan had dinner with Chris's mom Evelyn who just had a birthday. Amanda and Gene didn't come home till much later - so for the actual 'dinner' there were only 5 of us. Only 5... that's funny. The only bad part about dinner was watching Julie eat. Sigh... I know this isn't nice.... but it's really gross to watch her eat. Food falls out of her mouth, sauce or other food just stuck all over her face and mouth. I talked to her about her weight, and she said that she's actually lost weight, which I find really hard to believe. But ANYways... everything about dinner went pretty good all in all.
At the visit Julie made mention several times to the kids about their rooms.. how much they had been cleaned out for them (cleaning lady was there cleaning while she was with us) and how great it was going to be when they got back home. I was okay with this, but at several points during her visit, I did wonder where she got so MUCH money. She spent over $60 on dinner, her nails again looked great, new clothes, she talked about her house-keeper she had at the house, and she had plenty of cash in her wallet when we went out for ice cream. I know she's working... but at $7.50 an hour, how much extra cash could she have? And all of us family know that this time of the month... end of the month... she is usually really broke. Yeah... and a lot of that is sister jealousy... I'd love to have my nails done.... pedicure.... new clothes... and pay for a house-keeper. Yeah... that would be awesome. So some jealousy there, but I think I've earned the right to be a little jealous over this. :o)
Kayla got another grade uploaded today. The high schoolers have their grades posted online which is GREAT... although not all the teachers have uploaded yet. Kayla - so far - has two subjects posted... one she has an F and one she has a D. SO.... she's going to be on restriction until this comes up! It's sad because she is not allowed on the computers at home, so she's either watching TV with us, out playing basketball, or in her room drawing. And most ALL of this she can do with a phone plastered to her ear. I think we are going to have to take the phone away... which I know is going to kill her. But she HAS to bring her grades up.
I better run... must finish working so I can get home and enjoy our Anniversary. We're just going to choir tonight. I haven't stopped to get Chris a card yet... and not sure if I should. In the past... Chris and I had had some very financially difficult times. It was during those time we created the card exchanging tradition. Who wants to pay $4.00 for a CARD?? So... we'd go to a store together, find the PERFECT card for one another, and then exchange them. We'd read them right there in the store. Do our little "awwwww's". Kiss. Say how perfect the card was. Then put it back on the shelf and leave. LOL Knowing the kids are with us and how strapped we are, I figured it was a card exchanging kind of year. Oh, and, Chris - if you are reading this.... "I LOVE YOU HONEY!" This one is for you.....
This Day I Married My Best Friend
This day I married my best friend...
the one I laugh with as we share life's wondrous zest,
as we find new enjoyments and experience all that's best....
the one I live for because the world seems brighter
as our happy times are better and our burdens feel much lighter....
the one I love with every fiber of my soul.
We used to feel vaguely incomplete, now together we are whole.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Kids and Julie
It occurred to me last night a reason why God may have led me back to Toast of Tampa. With the hustle and bustle of every-day happenings now that the kids are back in school... it's nice to have a few hours on Tuesday night when it's just me.
Yesterday was our Kayla day. We found out that Kayla is failing one of her classes. She promises to 'bring it up' but - we tell all the kids, all the time - you shouldn't HAVE to bring anything UP... you should not let the grade go down to begin with. UGG
Yesterday morning between 6 and 6:30 she had THREE telephone calls from kids on our home phone. Guess who for? Yepper, Kayla. Yeah, loving waking up to that. Rrrrrrrright. She told me that she didn't call them (which I was certain was not true because I went into her room about 5:30 and saw her laying in bed WITH the phone. I told her at that time NOT to call anyone - cell phone or not - that early in the morning, that it was rude. Of course, she said she didn't call them... so I picked up the phone and called these three folks and talked to them, telling them NEVER to call my house that early in the morning. Of course, they all said they were returning Kayla's phone call. Yepper... caught in yet another lie.
Then I get home after work last night and one of Kayla's friend's mom calls.... Kayla lost her daughter's earrings and they were expensive. (In the neighborhood of $250-$300). In addition, her daughter left her expensive sneakers (known as "Air Force") over our house and Kayla let some OTHER girl borrow them. The mom holds me responsible. I guess I would too if the shoe were on the other foot. So Kayla looks all night for these earrings and finally finds them. I suppose she's getting the shoes back today as well.
So... I'm talking to Julie on my way into chorus and I tell her about Kayla. She tells me...... oh lordy this just irks me to think about, much less type it out..... she tells me "ya know, when Kayla lived with me I didn't let her do those things". OKAY NOW. Yeah, she didn't let her borrow earrings... she just let her smoke blunts, have sex, go wherever, eat everywhere but home, and hang out with gang members. Yeah... but heck no, Julie was a good mom and didn't let her borrow things from friends. Is she KIDDING ME? Being the good-spirited person that I am, I immediately dropped the subject and moved on.
Julie then tells me that she has something to tell me... because she doesn't want to lie to me. She has this guy - 23 years old and from out of state that she knows only from meeting him on the internet - moving in with her to be her new boyfriend. Now, first of all you have to realize that she dates a LOT of men. As I've mentioned before, she has the sex addict problem and therefore has no problem (even at her weight) getting men/sex. It's one of the "top 3" things the kids listed as wanting changed before they moved back home. However, the State has no plans to address the problem. N-E ways.... this guy is moving in with her... she says "I didn't want him to, but he talked me into it". Well, ain't that a sign of problems to come! Men moving in with Julie is not unusual... it happens all the time. He'll last a month - maybe a short bit more or less - then she'll get tired of him and kick him out. In the past she's had problems with this as most of the men don't have jobs or money or half a brain -- and as you and I know... kicking someone out of your house once they've moved in is not always an easy thing to do. As soon as you've allowed them to move in, regardless of whether they are paying or not paying, they have rights under the law. So yeah, look for problems to come with this.
I also called yesterday and scheduled Kayla for a Psychiatrist appointment. It's mid-October, but it's all they had. Lovely. They asked me if I wanted her evaluated by their doc or tested somewhere else. I didn't know how to answer that... I didn't know that they actually TESTED for disorders such as bipolar or ADD. I just scheduled her for the evaluation, but I think I am going to call and get information on testing. Maybe the Tricare can help me with finding someone who tests. Oh, and the Psyc. doctor's office folks were awesome. When I gave them the last name they knew who I was (apparently lots of state workers have been requesting Justin's records from when he had the one exam at the same office). The woman tells me... "Ma'am, I just want you to know that I know about your case and what you are doing for those kids and I think it's awesome of you for doing all that you are doing." Wow... did NOT expect to hear that, I almost cried right there and then.
When I told Julie about Kayla's appointment, she declares that she is positive that Kayla does NOT have anything wrong with her. "She can't be bipolar because she loves herself too much" Julie tells me. She tells me that everyone who is bipolar does not like themselves and has a very low self esteem. I was concerned because Julie does know a LOT about being bipolar. In addition to just having it herself, she hangs out in some bipolar chat-room all the time. I think she's even a moderator. So... surely she knows what she is talking about. So I looked it up online and Julie was incorrect, well incorrect for a manic episode which Kayla is in most of the time. The things online that met with Kayla's moods/behavior: happy, expansive, optimistic mood (feeling “high,” feeling better than ever), impaired judgment; unpredictable, excessive involvement in pleasurable or high risk activities, high physical and mental energy; excited; a feeling of high intelligence and creativity, extremely talkative, inflated self-importance, extremely sociable, impulsive . Now... maybe all of her symptoms are just symptoms of a extremely happy kid who just makes very poor decisions at times. But the risk factor of one of the kids being bipolar is so high because their mom has it and I think it's a good idea to rule it out.
I called the new case worker, Natalia, yesterday. She's not yet returned my call... hopefully she will today without me having to call her multiple times. I need to go over a few things with her... to tell her about Kayla's therapist and now appt with the psychiatrist. Tell her about Julie's visit and that she has another one tonight (God help me). Ask her about the next court date and if it's open or not. I need to ask about Amanda having a background check and being fingerprinted. And of course I want to ask if she's really okay with having a 23-year olf man whom Julie has never before met move in with her. Lots of stuff to talk about - but OH the slow moving wheels of the state government!
Chris just called and got another side job - from a blog reader and church friend, Peggy! Thank you so much! Every little bit helps... and it's great so see him start to get some work on his own.
Progress reports for all the kids are due out next week. Of all the kids, I'd ask you to pray the most for Jonathan. He usually get a lot of zeros... and gets into a LOT of trouble for it. This year he asked us to just let him try it on his own at first to 'prove to us' that he could do it on his own. All A's and B's is what we are hoping for. We're not going to cry too much over C's, but D's and F's - for all kids - are punishment-worthy.
I don't know if everyone that reads the blog knows it or not, but when we talk about Jonathan and school or social things, it's important to know that he has a condition called "Asperger Syndrome", which is a mild form of Autism. Here is some information on Asperger Syndrome: Persons with AS show marked deficiencies in social skills, have difficulties with transitions or changes and prefer sameness. They often have obsessive routines and may be preoccupied with a particular subject of interest. They have a great deal of difficulty reading body language and very often the individual with AS has difficulty determining proper body space. Often overly sensitive to sounds, tastes, smells, and sights, the person with AS may prefer soft clothing, certain foods, and be bothered by sounds or lights no one else seems to hear or see. It's important to remember that the person with AS perceives the world very differently. Therefore, many behaviors that seem odd or unusual are due to those neurological differences and not the result of intentional rudeness or bad behavior, and most certainly not the result of "improper parenting". Many individuals exhibit exceptional skill or talent in a specific area. Because of their high degree of functionality and their naiveté, those with AS are often viewed as eccentric or odd and can easily become victims of teasing and bullying. While language development seems, on the surface, normal, vocabularies may be extraordinarily rich and some children sound like "little professors." However, persons with AS can be extremely literal and have difficulty using language in a social context.
So you see... it's difficult to parent sometimes because there ARE some things which he should be able to control (Last year one progress report in one class had ELEVEN zeros) -- yet other things he can't control (as described above). Sometimes we forget that he even has the problem. It was easier when he had monthly check-ups with his doctor for it when we lived down south - we'd go in for the appointment and talk about his problems and he'd tell us, 'ah yes, classic symptom of asperger syndrome'... and talk to Jonathan about how to better focus to overcome the obstacle. Now he just goes to 3-month medication checks with a family doctor. It's less expensive and far easier on us, but again, we miss out on seeing the doc who knows all about AS.
Wish me luck tonight - Julie has her visit. She's supposed to be bringing over Church's Chicken and I'll just provide the sides. Lets hope that this will make things run a little smoother. I know it'll still be chaotic - it seems to follow Julie - but hopefully I won't have to work as hard. I believe she is bringing something that she wants me to make for dessert. I am not sure how to react to that, partly because I've done really good losing these 35 lbs and Julie (obviously) could care less about the weight she's gaining - and partly because I don't want to be forced to cook anything.
Please pray for all of us... the kids, Chris, myself, and our extended family who support us every day. I realize that every day is a life-altering day for Julie's kids while they are with us - and I realize that doing what we do without your prayers and support would be impossible. You lift us every day with each thought and prayer. God has put it in my heart to put my daily happenings out on the blog to reach out to other people for support. Please 'comment' when you can (link on the bottom right of each post), it means a lot knowing that you are out there thinking of us and praying for us.
Someday, from your mansion in heaven, you will look back on this day and smile, because you will realize that your light and momentary troubles were achieving for you an eternal glory that far outweighs them all in comparison. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)
Yesterday was our Kayla day. We found out that Kayla is failing one of her classes. She promises to 'bring it up' but - we tell all the kids, all the time - you shouldn't HAVE to bring anything UP... you should not let the grade go down to begin with. UGG
Yesterday morning between 6 and 6:30 she had THREE telephone calls from kids on our home phone. Guess who for? Yepper, Kayla. Yeah, loving waking up to that. Rrrrrrrright. She told me that she didn't call them (which I was certain was not true because I went into her room about 5:30 and saw her laying in bed WITH the phone. I told her at that time NOT to call anyone - cell phone or not - that early in the morning, that it was rude. Of course, she said she didn't call them... so I picked up the phone and called these three folks and talked to them, telling them NEVER to call my house that early in the morning. Of course, they all said they were returning Kayla's phone call. Yepper... caught in yet another lie.
Then I get home after work last night and one of Kayla's friend's mom calls.... Kayla lost her daughter's earrings and they were expensive. (In the neighborhood of $250-$300). In addition, her daughter left her expensive sneakers (known as "Air Force") over our house and Kayla let some OTHER girl borrow them. The mom holds me responsible. I guess I would too if the shoe were on the other foot. So Kayla looks all night for these earrings and finally finds them. I suppose she's getting the shoes back today as well.
So... I'm talking to Julie on my way into chorus and I tell her about Kayla. She tells me...... oh lordy this just irks me to think about, much less type it out..... she tells me "ya know, when Kayla lived with me I didn't let her do those things". OKAY NOW. Yeah, she didn't let her borrow earrings... she just let her smoke blunts, have sex, go wherever, eat everywhere but home, and hang out with gang members. Yeah... but heck no, Julie was a good mom and didn't let her borrow things from friends. Is she KIDDING ME? Being the good-spirited person that I am, I immediately dropped the subject and moved on.
Julie then tells me that she has something to tell me... because she doesn't want to lie to me. She has this guy - 23 years old and from out of state that she knows only from meeting him on the internet - moving in with her to be her new boyfriend. Now, first of all you have to realize that she dates a LOT of men. As I've mentioned before, she has the sex addict problem and therefore has no problem (even at her weight) getting men/sex. It's one of the "top 3" things the kids listed as wanting changed before they moved back home. However, the State has no plans to address the problem. N-E ways.... this guy is moving in with her... she says "I didn't want him to, but he talked me into it". Well, ain't that a sign of problems to come! Men moving in with Julie is not unusual... it happens all the time. He'll last a month - maybe a short bit more or less - then she'll get tired of him and kick him out. In the past she's had problems with this as most of the men don't have jobs or money or half a brain -- and as you and I know... kicking someone out of your house once they've moved in is not always an easy thing to do. As soon as you've allowed them to move in, regardless of whether they are paying or not paying, they have rights under the law. So yeah, look for problems to come with this.
I also called yesterday and scheduled Kayla for a Psychiatrist appointment. It's mid-October, but it's all they had. Lovely. They asked me if I wanted her evaluated by their doc or tested somewhere else. I didn't know how to answer that... I didn't know that they actually TESTED for disorders such as bipolar or ADD. I just scheduled her for the evaluation, but I think I am going to call and get information on testing. Maybe the Tricare can help me with finding someone who tests. Oh, and the Psyc. doctor's office folks were awesome. When I gave them the last name they knew who I was (apparently lots of state workers have been requesting Justin's records from when he had the one exam at the same office). The woman tells me... "Ma'am, I just want you to know that I know about your case and what you are doing for those kids and I think it's awesome of you for doing all that you are doing." Wow... did NOT expect to hear that, I almost cried right there and then.
When I told Julie about Kayla's appointment, she declares that she is positive that Kayla does NOT have anything wrong with her. "She can't be bipolar because she loves herself too much" Julie tells me. She tells me that everyone who is bipolar does not like themselves and has a very low self esteem. I was concerned because Julie does know a LOT about being bipolar. In addition to just having it herself, she hangs out in some bipolar chat-room all the time. I think she's even a moderator. So... surely she knows what she is talking about. So I looked it up online and Julie was incorrect, well incorrect for a manic episode which Kayla is in most of the time. The things online that met with Kayla's moods/behavior: happy, expansive, optimistic mood (feeling “high,” feeling better than ever), impaired judgment; unpredictable, excessive involvement in pleasurable or high risk activities, high physical and mental energy; excited; a feeling of high intelligence and creativity, extremely talkative, inflated self-importance, extremely sociable, impulsive . Now... maybe all of her symptoms are just symptoms of a extremely happy kid who just makes very poor decisions at times. But the risk factor of one of the kids being bipolar is so high because their mom has it and I think it's a good idea to rule it out.
I called the new case worker, Natalia, yesterday. She's not yet returned my call... hopefully she will today without me having to call her multiple times. I need to go over a few things with her... to tell her about Kayla's therapist and now appt with the psychiatrist. Tell her about Julie's visit and that she has another one tonight (God help me). Ask her about the next court date and if it's open or not. I need to ask about Amanda having a background check and being fingerprinted. And of course I want to ask if she's really okay with having a 23-year olf man whom Julie has never before met move in with her. Lots of stuff to talk about - but OH the slow moving wheels of the state government!
Chris just called and got another side job - from a blog reader and church friend, Peggy! Thank you so much! Every little bit helps... and it's great so see him start to get some work on his own.
Progress reports for all the kids are due out next week. Of all the kids, I'd ask you to pray the most for Jonathan. He usually get a lot of zeros... and gets into a LOT of trouble for it. This year he asked us to just let him try it on his own at first to 'prove to us' that he could do it on his own. All A's and B's is what we are hoping for. We're not going to cry too much over C's, but D's and F's - for all kids - are punishment-worthy.
I don't know if everyone that reads the blog knows it or not, but when we talk about Jonathan and school or social things, it's important to know that he has a condition called "Asperger Syndrome", which is a mild form of Autism. Here is some information on Asperger Syndrome: Persons with AS show marked deficiencies in social skills, have difficulties with transitions or changes and prefer sameness. They often have obsessive routines and may be preoccupied with a particular subject of interest. They have a great deal of difficulty reading body language and very often the individual with AS has difficulty determining proper body space. Often overly sensitive to sounds, tastes, smells, and sights, the person with AS may prefer soft clothing, certain foods, and be bothered by sounds or lights no one else seems to hear or see. It's important to remember that the person with AS perceives the world very differently. Therefore, many behaviors that seem odd or unusual are due to those neurological differences and not the result of intentional rudeness or bad behavior, and most certainly not the result of "improper parenting". Many individuals exhibit exceptional skill or talent in a specific area. Because of their high degree of functionality and their naiveté, those with AS are often viewed as eccentric or odd and can easily become victims of teasing and bullying. While language development seems, on the surface, normal, vocabularies may be extraordinarily rich and some children sound like "little professors." However, persons with AS can be extremely literal and have difficulty using language in a social context.
So you see... it's difficult to parent sometimes because there ARE some things which he should be able to control (Last year one progress report in one class had ELEVEN zeros) -- yet other things he can't control (as described above). Sometimes we forget that he even has the problem. It was easier when he had monthly check-ups with his doctor for it when we lived down south - we'd go in for the appointment and talk about his problems and he'd tell us, 'ah yes, classic symptom of asperger syndrome'... and talk to Jonathan about how to better focus to overcome the obstacle. Now he just goes to 3-month medication checks with a family doctor. It's less expensive and far easier on us, but again, we miss out on seeing the doc who knows all about AS.
Wish me luck tonight - Julie has her visit. She's supposed to be bringing over Church's Chicken and I'll just provide the sides. Lets hope that this will make things run a little smoother. I know it'll still be chaotic - it seems to follow Julie - but hopefully I won't have to work as hard. I believe she is bringing something that she wants me to make for dessert. I am not sure how to react to that, partly because I've done really good losing these 35 lbs and Julie (obviously) could care less about the weight she's gaining - and partly because I don't want to be forced to cook anything.
Please pray for all of us... the kids, Chris, myself, and our extended family who support us every day. I realize that every day is a life-altering day for Julie's kids while they are with us - and I realize that doing what we do without your prayers and support would be impossible. You lift us every day with each thought and prayer. God has put it in my heart to put my daily happenings out on the blog to reach out to other people for support. Please 'comment' when you can (link on the bottom right of each post), it means a lot knowing that you are out there thinking of us and praying for us.
Someday, from your mansion in heaven, you will look back on this day and smile, because you will realize that your light and momentary troubles were achieving for you an eternal glory that far outweighs them all in comparison. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)
Monday, August 28, 2006
Wonderment, Cabs and Shrinks, Oh My!
Chris and I are back from a wonderful Anniversary get-away. We left late on Friday and arrived at the condo on St. Pete beach just before sunset. The condo belongs to my boss who uses is when they can and then rents it out much of the rest of the time to help it 'pay for itself'. Chris and I have stayed at condos before, but apparently never one privately owned and run. There was a picture frame on the wall with a picture of "The Pero Family" (David, Donna and their two kids) with a welcome to their 'home away from home' note on it. On the side table there was a notebook full of things to do and restaurants to eat at while there (along with their recommendations of good and bad places). The room was set up so that we could have slept 6 as they were not sure if we were bringing the kids or not - which was very thoughtful of them to do. They also had a journal in the room that had personal notes from all prior guests who have stayed in the room... detailing what a great time they had, any suggestions they had, what they did that was fun or not so fun. It's hard to explain, but it was just WAY more personal and thoughtful than the other condos we've rented over the years.
It rained much of the time we were there, but we didn't mind. We spent most of our time in the room anyways. **evil grin** At one point Donna Pero called to ask me how it was going and I noted that "a weekend at the beach when it's raining is better than weekend at home with all five kids." For SURE! LOL
I won't blog about much that happened over the weekend as this IS a PG-13 blog. **giggles** But we did have a great time. Probably the biggest disappointment of the weekend was dinner at Brewmasters. We drove all the way there for what we hoped was great steaks. Although the steaks were pretty good, everything else was horrible. (Service, drinks, brownish salad and everything served on plastic plates). I should add here however that the COMPANY was incredible. Love you Chris. There was also one time on Friday night when I honestly thought I was having a heart attack. (Talk about breaking the mood!) Chris and I were...... **ahem** swimming.... in the ocean at dark. I began to experience chest pains. Not pain as much as tightness.... or heaviness. If you place your hand over your heart as if saying the 'Pledge' then bring it up about 2 inches... right there.... and then down the entire arm and through to the back. Add to that shortness of breath and a feeling as if I were in a fuzz. I kept thinking... I can't let ambulance drivers see me in my bathing suit! Then thinking.... if this is just anxiety I'm going to have wasted a night of our anniversary! I made it up to the room (with the help of Chris) and took a shower... still having pain and thinking... I DEFINATELY can't let the paramedics find me like THIS! LOL But after about an hour or so it subsided. I don't think it was muscular, but I do think it was some kind of panic attack... or something having to do with my heart. Boy... this is a downer... enough about me!
While we were gone a few things happened. Justin's baseball tryouts were postponed (he'll try out this afternoon). Our friend who was supposed to bring dinner over on Saturday night... forgot. (But it was okay, their grandma had just sent them money so they ordered pizza) Their Grandma Gwen had also sent Justin a belated birthday present - an X-Box game. Unfortunately it was for X-Box 360 (which they don't have), so the boys decided on Saturday to go to Target and exchange the game. Amanda had to work that afternoon, so she drove them up to Target with the understanding that they would walk home. I don't know why, but I feel differently about Jono and Justin walking home than I do the girls. The girls have done that more I guess... they used to walk everywhere when they lived at home. Plus Kayla is 15 and Jono is only 13. ANYways... they get to Target and decide that their money would go much further if they crossed the street (DALE MABRY) to go to GameStop where they sell games (new and used) at a discount. Dale Mabry only has 8 lanes of traffic........... **heart skips a beat** They go over there and get 4 games for the price of whatever game Gwen had bought for them. These boys were HAPPY, let me tell ya. They then decide to walk back... only they start walking in the WRONG direction. (Again, these boys are not used to walking like the girls are). They see a cab parked in a parking lot (Yellow Cab van) and they ask if he can take them home. They note that they have money (about $20 left over) and the cabbie tells them 'it's free for you today'. (He must have felt bad for these young boys) Of course the boys don't know how to tell him exactly to get to the house, they ended up going in the wrong direction (again, the boys were turned around thinking which direction was home), but the cabbie ended up finding the house and dropped them off, free of Charge. Yes, Chris and I had a FIT over the whole thing. Sigh.........
Oh, I didn't tell you about the girls Therapy appointments on Friday. Kayte did fine... Kayla...... the therapist wants her to see a Psychiatrist. She thinks Kayla may have A.D.D. or even be Bipolar. I have long felt that Kayla has -- SOMETHING -- just not sure what. Kayla was very upset to hear this, but I tried to play on the benefits of it. Kayla wants so badly to be good... and I told her, "what if you could just take a pill, and you would ALWAYS be good??" Course I also explained to her about how being bipolar or any other disorder is just that - a disorder - which meant there is treatment - which means, she could be BETTER. She liked that idea. Julie and I were talking about it earlier. I was reminded of the one time that Julie told me that Kayla kept sneaking out at night. (Mind you, Ron was alive and so she had to have been younger than 12 at the time) Ron and Julie got so frustrated with trying to keep her in the room that they ended up putting a blanket over the window. Kayla continued to leave, so they put somewhere in the neighborhood of 60-70 nails in the blanket around the window to keep her in. Well... that's just NOT normal. You shouldn't HAVE to do that to keep your kid in the house. And again... it wasn't that Kayla was just being some horrible teenager... she just kept doing it.
Kayte and I also discussed it at length. Kayte agrees that SOMETHING is not quite right with Kayla. She told me about a hairspray issue the other day. (I know - seems small - but read on and you'll see the issue behind the hairspray) Julie has bought each girl their own hairspray so that Kayla doesn't use it all. (Kayla uses GOBS AND GOBS of everything in her hair) Kayla is up getting ready for school, and starts to spray her hair. Katie wakes up, and sees Kayla using HER hairspray. She shouts "KAYLA!" and Kayla drops the hairspray onto the ground, quickly picks up HER hairspray off the dresser, sprays a little bit more (as if to prove it was THAT hairspray she were using the whole time) and then turns to Kayte and says "yes". Kayte tries to confront her, but Kayla flat-out refuses to admit she just used the hairspray. She even tried to be slick and bend down to do something and at the same time put the cap on Kayte's spray. Kayte kept saying "I just SAW you" but Kayla just tells lie after lie. This is the kind of lie that I have had the same kind of problem with. You look right at her KNOWING the truth, but she refuses to admit it. Very frustrating.
So... add to my list of 'things to do' I'll add making Kayla an appt at at Psychiatrist's office. Fun fun.
Speaking of the sarcastic 'fun'.... Julie is coming over for her weekly visit this Wednesday. I'm just sick about it... I really hope it goes better this time, because if it doesn't - I'm going to have to tell her she can come at times OTHER than for food. This time, she's bringing chicken from Church's or Popeye's. So... I'm hoping it'll be better and we can continue visits as they are right now.
This week my days are - once again - jam packed. Tonight Justin has baseball tryouts. I hope to get home and be able to cook a nice family dinner tonight though. Haven't been grocery shopping in a couple of weeks, but hope I've got something I can make with the chicken I'm defrosting. Tuesday night is Toast of Tampa rehearsal and probably the 2nd day of tryouts for Justin. Wednesday is Julie's night to come over, so will be busy then. Thursday night is both our actual anniversary night AND Choir practice. I was hoping to go out to dinner - just Chris and I - after rehearsal, but I think we're pretty much 'spent' after this weekend. But it'll still be nice singing on our Anniversary - as much as we both love music... it's rather fitting that we spend the night singing. Friday night Jonathan is going to Innisbrook for 'performers night around the pool' where all of the 'talent' that they have hired for Labor Day Jamboree (that big barbershop festival I've talked about before) gathers around the pool to sing. We'll be home LATE on Friday night after that. Then Saturday Chris and I have a fantasy football draft at noon-ish, and then will head right over to Innisbrook again as Jonathan is performing on Saturday night's show. Sunday is Church - and with kids now involved in Jr and Sr high, we're hopping on Sundays! Then LABOR DAY... the day of rest! And I think that's exactly what I'll do.
We may go to visit Ron's grave on Monday... not sure yet. His mom, Gwen, tells me that Ron is not IN the cemetery so we really don't need to go there. That we can pray and honor him from home and it would be the same. And - she's right. But I can't think of anything else to do for the kids. Today is the day for them -- their dad died 2 years ago today. I want them to know that it's a big deal for me and that I am here for them. Visiting the grave is doing something - and any time you are doing something it feels better than doing nothing. Any thoughts you may have on this is greatly appreciated.
Oh lordy.... I just checked in on my friends Chris, Drew and Christal. Chris posted the most amazing and inspiring words in her journal. It's well worth quoting....
The blessings in our lives are OVERFLOWING!! They always have been, even when things weren't good. We still have SO much more than some people have in their lives. Think about it... your job, your house, your kids, freedom to worship, and the list goes on and on. No matter what, God has ALWAYS provided for us. There are things that Satan would LIKE for you to believe, but I know the truth. God is merciful, and we might not understand all that he is doing in our lives... but we must trust the promises He gave us. He never promised us a perfect life... only His perfect love. And all things happen in HIS timing... not our own. I have comfort in knowing that GOD is in control and He’s already there and has it all worked out... no matter the outcome. This journey Christal has had is NOT for nothing. I know there are people that are being touched by her story that we have NO idea of... I know people have changed BECAUSE of her. Look at her own family. Because of her story, her step-daddy has ensured that he’ll see her again one day by accepting Jesus in his heart. It just doesn’t GET any better than THAT my friends. If you don’t think you need Jesus in your life... then think AGAIN. We’re alone in this world, and you just CAN NOT do it without Jesus. He KNOWS about your troubles and your pain, and He wants you to bring those troubles to Him. Most of all, He wants to have a relationship with you... He loves you more than anyone in the entire WORLD. Isn’t that SO COOL??? He created you perfectly... and He loves.... you. Like there was no one else in the world to love. Lets not forget that God gave His son to us... to die on the cross. How many of you would give us YOUR child so that the rest of the world could have eternal life?
Yes - very very well put. It reminds me that - God knows exactly what he's doing. I may feel busy, overwhelmed, heck even frantic at times. But God is not giving me a single thing that He doesn't feel that I can't handle. These kids have come so very far in such a short period of time. They are a true JOY to have around the house... and when they are gone, I will miss them terribly. But again, I will try to keep in mind at that point in time that - it is God's plan. Remembering how He paved the way back in October/November for us... the change in jobs... the unemployment.... the extra room in the house... the 'angel' who provided the Christmas that there was NO way we could have provided them alone last year. Yes indeed... God knew exactly what he was doing. It's so easy to look back and marvel at His perfect plan, so clearly seen. I have been the most unworthy of unworthiest people out there... and God has blessed me over and over again. Thank you Lord.
It rained much of the time we were there, but we didn't mind. We spent most of our time in the room anyways. **evil grin** At one point Donna Pero called to ask me how it was going and I noted that "a weekend at the beach when it's raining is better than weekend at home with all five kids." For SURE! LOL
I won't blog about much that happened over the weekend as this IS a PG-13 blog. **giggles** But we did have a great time. Probably the biggest disappointment of the weekend was dinner at Brewmasters. We drove all the way there for what we hoped was great steaks. Although the steaks were pretty good, everything else was horrible. (Service, drinks, brownish salad and everything served on plastic plates). I should add here however that the COMPANY was incredible. Love you Chris. There was also one time on Friday night when I honestly thought I was having a heart attack. (Talk about breaking the mood!) Chris and I were...... **ahem** swimming.... in the ocean at dark. I began to experience chest pains. Not pain as much as tightness.... or heaviness. If you place your hand over your heart as if saying the 'Pledge' then bring it up about 2 inches... right there.... and then down the entire arm and through to the back. Add to that shortness of breath and a feeling as if I were in a fuzz. I kept thinking... I can't let ambulance drivers see me in my bathing suit! Then thinking.... if this is just anxiety I'm going to have wasted a night of our anniversary! I made it up to the room (with the help of Chris) and took a shower... still having pain and thinking... I DEFINATELY can't let the paramedics find me like THIS! LOL But after about an hour or so it subsided. I don't think it was muscular, but I do think it was some kind of panic attack... or something having to do with my heart. Boy... this is a downer... enough about me!
While we were gone a few things happened. Justin's baseball tryouts were postponed (he'll try out this afternoon). Our friend who was supposed to bring dinner over on Saturday night... forgot. (But it was okay, their grandma had just sent them money so they ordered pizza) Their Grandma Gwen had also sent Justin a belated birthday present - an X-Box game. Unfortunately it was for X-Box 360 (which they don't have), so the boys decided on Saturday to go to Target and exchange the game. Amanda had to work that afternoon, so she drove them up to Target with the understanding that they would walk home. I don't know why, but I feel differently about Jono and Justin walking home than I do the girls. The girls have done that more I guess... they used to walk everywhere when they lived at home. Plus Kayla is 15 and Jono is only 13. ANYways... they get to Target and decide that their money would go much further if they crossed the street (DALE MABRY) to go to GameStop where they sell games (new and used) at a discount. Dale Mabry only has 8 lanes of traffic........... **heart skips a beat** They go over there and get 4 games for the price of whatever game Gwen had bought for them. These boys were HAPPY, let me tell ya. They then decide to walk back... only they start walking in the WRONG direction. (Again, these boys are not used to walking like the girls are). They see a cab parked in a parking lot (Yellow Cab van) and they ask if he can take them home. They note that they have money (about $20 left over) and the cabbie tells them 'it's free for you today'. (He must have felt bad for these young boys) Of course the boys don't know how to tell him exactly to get to the house, they ended up going in the wrong direction (again, the boys were turned around thinking which direction was home), but the cabbie ended up finding the house and dropped them off, free of Charge. Yes, Chris and I had a FIT over the whole thing. Sigh.........
Oh, I didn't tell you about the girls Therapy appointments on Friday. Kayte did fine... Kayla...... the therapist wants her to see a Psychiatrist. She thinks Kayla may have A.D.D. or even be Bipolar. I have long felt that Kayla has -- SOMETHING -- just not sure what. Kayla was very upset to hear this, but I tried to play on the benefits of it. Kayla wants so badly to be good... and I told her, "what if you could just take a pill, and you would ALWAYS be good??" Course I also explained to her about how being bipolar or any other disorder is just that - a disorder - which meant there is treatment - which means, she could be BETTER. She liked that idea. Julie and I were talking about it earlier. I was reminded of the one time that Julie told me that Kayla kept sneaking out at night. (Mind you, Ron was alive and so she had to have been younger than 12 at the time) Ron and Julie got so frustrated with trying to keep her in the room that they ended up putting a blanket over the window. Kayla continued to leave, so they put somewhere in the neighborhood of 60-70 nails in the blanket around the window to keep her in. Well... that's just NOT normal. You shouldn't HAVE to do that to keep your kid in the house. And again... it wasn't that Kayla was just being some horrible teenager... she just kept doing it.
Kayte and I also discussed it at length. Kayte agrees that SOMETHING is not quite right with Kayla. She told me about a hairspray issue the other day. (I know - seems small - but read on and you'll see the issue behind the hairspray) Julie has bought each girl their own hairspray so that Kayla doesn't use it all. (Kayla uses GOBS AND GOBS of everything in her hair) Kayla is up getting ready for school, and starts to spray her hair. Katie wakes up, and sees Kayla using HER hairspray. She shouts "KAYLA!" and Kayla drops the hairspray onto the ground, quickly picks up HER hairspray off the dresser, sprays a little bit more (as if to prove it was THAT hairspray she were using the whole time) and then turns to Kayte and says "yes". Kayte tries to confront her, but Kayla flat-out refuses to admit she just used the hairspray. She even tried to be slick and bend down to do something and at the same time put the cap on Kayte's spray. Kayte kept saying "I just SAW you" but Kayla just tells lie after lie. This is the kind of lie that I have had the same kind of problem with. You look right at her KNOWING the truth, but she refuses to admit it. Very frustrating.
So... add to my list of 'things to do' I'll add making Kayla an appt at at Psychiatrist's office. Fun fun.
Speaking of the sarcastic 'fun'.... Julie is coming over for her weekly visit this Wednesday. I'm just sick about it... I really hope it goes better this time, because if it doesn't - I'm going to have to tell her she can come at times OTHER than for food. This time, she's bringing chicken from Church's or Popeye's. So... I'm hoping it'll be better and we can continue visits as they are right now.
This week my days are - once again - jam packed. Tonight Justin has baseball tryouts. I hope to get home and be able to cook a nice family dinner tonight though. Haven't been grocery shopping in a couple of weeks, but hope I've got something I can make with the chicken I'm defrosting. Tuesday night is Toast of Tampa rehearsal and probably the 2nd day of tryouts for Justin. Wednesday is Julie's night to come over, so will be busy then. Thursday night is both our actual anniversary night AND Choir practice. I was hoping to go out to dinner - just Chris and I - after rehearsal, but I think we're pretty much 'spent' after this weekend. But it'll still be nice singing on our Anniversary - as much as we both love music... it's rather fitting that we spend the night singing. Friday night Jonathan is going to Innisbrook for 'performers night around the pool' where all of the 'talent' that they have hired for Labor Day Jamboree (that big barbershop festival I've talked about before) gathers around the pool to sing. We'll be home LATE on Friday night after that. Then Saturday Chris and I have a fantasy football draft at noon-ish, and then will head right over to Innisbrook again as Jonathan is performing on Saturday night's show. Sunday is Church - and with kids now involved in Jr and Sr high, we're hopping on Sundays! Then LABOR DAY... the day of rest! And I think that's exactly what I'll do.
We may go to visit Ron's grave on Monday... not sure yet. His mom, Gwen, tells me that Ron is not IN the cemetery so we really don't need to go there. That we can pray and honor him from home and it would be the same. And - she's right. But I can't think of anything else to do for the kids. Today is the day for them -- their dad died 2 years ago today. I want them to know that it's a big deal for me and that I am here for them. Visiting the grave is doing something - and any time you are doing something it feels better than doing nothing. Any thoughts you may have on this is greatly appreciated.
Oh lordy.... I just checked in on my friends Chris, Drew and Christal. Chris posted the most amazing and inspiring words in her journal. It's well worth quoting....
The blessings in our lives are OVERFLOWING!! They always have been, even when things weren't good. We still have SO much more than some people have in their lives. Think about it... your job, your house, your kids, freedom to worship, and the list goes on and on. No matter what, God has ALWAYS provided for us. There are things that Satan would LIKE for you to believe, but I know the truth. God is merciful, and we might not understand all that he is doing in our lives... but we must trust the promises He gave us. He never promised us a perfect life... only His perfect love. And all things happen in HIS timing... not our own. I have comfort in knowing that GOD is in control and He’s already there and has it all worked out... no matter the outcome. This journey Christal has had is NOT for nothing. I know there are people that are being touched by her story that we have NO idea of... I know people have changed BECAUSE of her. Look at her own family. Because of her story, her step-daddy has ensured that he’ll see her again one day by accepting Jesus in his heart. It just doesn’t GET any better than THAT my friends. If you don’t think you need Jesus in your life... then think AGAIN. We’re alone in this world, and you just CAN NOT do it without Jesus. He KNOWS about your troubles and your pain, and He wants you to bring those troubles to Him. Most of all, He wants to have a relationship with you... He loves you more than anyone in the entire WORLD. Isn’t that SO COOL??? He created you perfectly... and He loves.... you. Like there was no one else in the world to love. Lets not forget that God gave His son to us... to die on the cross. How many of you would give us YOUR child so that the rest of the world could have eternal life?
Yes - very very well put. It reminds me that - God knows exactly what he's doing. I may feel busy, overwhelmed, heck even frantic at times. But God is not giving me a single thing that He doesn't feel that I can't handle. These kids have come so very far in such a short period of time. They are a true JOY to have around the house... and when they are gone, I will miss them terribly. But again, I will try to keep in mind at that point in time that - it is God's plan. Remembering how He paved the way back in October/November for us... the change in jobs... the unemployment.... the extra room in the house... the 'angel' who provided the Christmas that there was NO way we could have provided them alone last year. Yes indeed... God knew exactly what he was doing. It's so easy to look back and marvel at His perfect plan, so clearly seen. I have been the most unworthy of unworthiest people out there... and God has blessed me over and over again. Thank you Lord.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Open House and Da Rat!
The High Schoolers had an open house last night that was.... busy... to say the least. They set it up on a bell schedule: you start in 1st period, bell rings, the teacher has 5 minutes to tell you about their class, what they teach, give you their contact information, and ask if you have any questions for them - bell rings and you have 6 minutes to move to the 2nd period class where you again have 5 minutes. This continues until you've visited all 7 classes. What DIDN'T work about that is that Kayla and Justin are in the SAME grade... so there was no way possible that I could visit both sets of teachers in that 5 minutes. It was horrible... most of the teachers didn't know what was going on or how long they had. But it was nice to meet their teachers. We get done about 9pm and - of course - the kids are hungry. Uggg.... a quick 'fend for yourself w/ leftovers at home' dinner and they were off to bed.
The plan tonight was supposed to be that Kayla and Justin were going from school to their friend Jessica's house. I've already talked to Jessica's mom... she's going to bring them to the Football game tonight, then she'll drive them home. (At that point Chris and I should be worry-free on St. Pete beach) However, I woke up this morning and realized that -- it won't work! Kayla and Kayte have a doctor's appointment tonight at their therapist's office. No biggie, right? I have all the teacher's contact information, I'll email, ask Kayla to call, and explain to her why she has to come home after school. How come things are never that simple?
I call Jessica's mom and explain to her about why Kayla can't come over after school. She's in a panic and explains why. Jessica is bi-polar and the doctors are changing/adjusting her medications right now... so she's a little emotional and unbalanced to begin with. Add to that the fact that this morning before school her boyfriend broke up with her. Her mom is afraid that Jessica is going to go off the deep end. Grrrrrrrrrrreat. Jessica's mom tells me that she fears that her daughter might do something if left alone today. No pressure or anything... I mean... my change in plans could only give a little push to this poor unstable teen. UGG. But I think I've worked it out. The plan is now: Kayla and Jessica to come to OUR house after school, I'll drive them to the Doctor's appt this afternoon, (Jessica can sit with me while we wait for Kayla to get done) - then I'll drive them to Jessica's house where her mom will take them to the game then home.
I've no idea when I'm going to be able to pack for this weekend. I guess I'll just grab some clothes and a bathing suit and head out tonight. It's funny... in my chorus I've been trying to explain to them about how I have NO time to go shopping. We are supposed to all go out and get a dress that resembles the 1912-ish Music Man dresses for our costume. They are cheap... and you can pick something up at a consignment shop and have it altered to make it work for the costume... so I'm told. But trying to explain to them how little "me" time I have.... well.... lets go over this week, shall we:
Monday was Julie's visit. I got home after 5 and never stopped cooking / entertaining until after 10 that night. Tuesday night I had chorus rehearsal, got home, changed, and out the door I went until rehearsal was over at 10pm. Wednesday... what did I do on Wednesday? I got home after 5, and was exhausted. I gave Amanda and Kayla my bank card to run to the store and grab some needed groceries, they picked up Chinese for dinner, and we got everything done by about 9pm. (Homework checked, review of assignments, eating, cleaning, etc) Thursday night we had the open house. I got off work at 5, had to be at the school by 5:30. We didn't get home until after 9pm. Friday (tonight) we have doctors appointments at 5pm and 6pm for Kayla and Kayte. Then drive the High Schoolers over to someone to take them to their football game, and Kayte over to someones place who is taking her to the middle-school football game tonight.
So yeah - fitting in a shopping trip, hunting for the perfect costume that will fit me, NOT do-able right now. And, I'm okay with that - really I am. It's just how funny it is that the people at chorus who don't understand how hectic it is can say 'just run to some consignment shops until you find the right thing'. Oie!
I was talking to a friend yesterday who told me he enjoyed funny blogs. I realized that - with all the craziness of our days, I haven't had a chance to tell you some of our funny stories. So... I though here and there I'll share some of them with you.
A few years ago, we were moving from one house to another down in South Tampa. We had put almost everything in boxes, but weren't totally packed yet. A good friend of mine (Chris) came over to help me finish packing a few nights before the big move.
Chris decided to help me pack up the pantry (in a small closet at the end of a hallway by the kitchen). There are wooden shelves in there, the top one is probably 6 feet high. She's packing and packing, gets to the top shelf (where we have our Christmas cookie chocolate and nothing really more - we can't reach all the way up there so we put stuff we'd rarely use that high). She notices that we have.......... rat droppings up there. ICK. And, how embarrassing that my FRIEND notices this? I never new we had mice/rats!
That night I told Chris (my hubby) what Chris (the friend) had found. Unbeknownst to me, he noticed a small hole in the upper corner of the pantry and figured that was where the rat was getting in and out of. He figured, if he moved the shelf down a level, the rodent wouldn't be able to get back in the hole. Great thinking hun... and thanks for not telling me this!
The next morning I get up for work. Chris is over at the new house unpacking (he has the day off work). I'm getting the kids off to school and getting ready for work. I notice the cat (a large 20 lb tabby cat) looking at the pantry door (closed). I wonder what he's doing... so I open the pantry door (not looking in the pantry, but rather looking at the cat) and ask the cat what it is he's looking at. You ever get the feeling someone/something is looking RIGHT at you? Yeah... well... I turn to look in the pantry, and here is this HUGE rat looking right at me - EYE LEVEL. It's then I see that Chris took down the upper shelf, and the rat got down but can't get back up into the hole. Rat looking at me........ me looking at rat......... OH MY LORD! I then look at the cat..... look back at the rat............ what am I going to do??...... In my quick thinking and not-so-well-thought-out panic I decide... cat's eat mice.... right?? I pick up this 20 lb cat (who I might add has never been outside or seen any kind of rodent before) and I THROW him into the pantry and try to close the door. No... no time for that. They run in circles... shelf... up the wall... shelf... up the wall... then finally out the door that I'm trying to close (with all the chaos going on in the pantry - THAT was impossible)... and the two of them run off into Amanda's bedroom.
Amanda's room was a converted garage... probably 20 ft long by 10 ft wide. It was ALMOST empty. In the room is... her bed (with black sheets and a black bed skirt) - a television, a bookshelf with only a few books left on it, and a picture in frame against the wall. Oh, and now the room has a cat AND rat in it.
Realizing that I have to go to work, I call Chris and tell him about all of this. What you have to understand is that... Chris is TERRIFIED of mice/rats. He responds "You want me to come HOME???" He decides to call his hero... his mom... to come and help him deal with the situation at home. I close the door to Amanda's bedroom and head to work.
The two of them arrive and the almost vacant house and head into the bedroom. Each has their weapon of choice... Chris a golf club and Evie a broom. They don't see the rat... and can't find the cat. Well, the cat was under the bed, terrified of this HUGE rat he's just been terrorized by. They can't get him out from under the bed to help out. They start looking around the room, trying to figure out where the rat is. At one point, the rat ran from the bookshelf, across the room. Chris SCREAMED like a 6 year old girl at a Cheetah Girls concert.... and jumped probably 7 feet right onto the bed. Only problem... the rat ALSO ran under the bed. Cat runs OUT from under the bed as he is terrified of this rat as well. Chris then tries to absorb his surroundings... he's on a bed w/ black bedding... how would he KNOW if the rat climbed up onto the bed?? He then jumps onto the television sitting in the middle of the room, and grabs the golf club. The rat runs out from under the bed and Chris takes a swing at him w/ the club. Of course, he misses, and the rat keeps running around - trying to figure out HOW to get out of this room - how to get out - how to get out! At one point, the rat ran UP a door onto the blinds (probably seeing the light of outside and hoping he could get there) but quickly fell when there was no way out. Again, Chris just swinging and swinging at this rat running around... Chris still screaming... his mom in the corner with a broom (her defense weapon) yelling "get him! get him!" The rat runs under the picture leaning up against the wall. The rat THINKS he's safe... but Evie and Chris both saw him run there, so they know where he is. Chris at this point is just thinking... "how can I get out of here"... still standing on the Television. Chris's mom begins to run across the room.... running... running.... jumps high.... and - S-P-L-A-T... lands RIGHT on the picture. Glass breaks, but she's just jumping up and down - up and down - yelling "DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!". Chris sees the tail sticking out and at some point, the tail stops moving... Chris tells her that it's okay to stop, he's dead.
Doorbell rings.
It's our neighbor.... who is VERY concerned as he's heard a LOT of yelling... terrified screams - "get him!!" -- "die - die - die!!". Yeah........... he wants to know if everything is okay. Evie answers the door first - sweaty as all get-out. She tries to explain to the neighbor what was going on and behind her comes Chris, totally red faced and sweaty... but holding a HUGE rat by it's tail. The neighbor - of course - understands and quietly goes home. (I'm sure HE set traps that night!)
So that's our rat story... and the only time Chris has totally conquered his fear. Conquered... that's a good word for it!
The plan tonight was supposed to be that Kayla and Justin were going from school to their friend Jessica's house. I've already talked to Jessica's mom... she's going to bring them to the Football game tonight, then she'll drive them home. (At that point Chris and I should be worry-free on St. Pete beach) However, I woke up this morning and realized that -- it won't work! Kayla and Kayte have a doctor's appointment tonight at their therapist's office. No biggie, right? I have all the teacher's contact information, I'll email, ask Kayla to call, and explain to her why she has to come home after school. How come things are never that simple?
I call Jessica's mom and explain to her about why Kayla can't come over after school. She's in a panic and explains why. Jessica is bi-polar and the doctors are changing/adjusting her medications right now... so she's a little emotional and unbalanced to begin with. Add to that the fact that this morning before school her boyfriend broke up with her. Her mom is afraid that Jessica is going to go off the deep end. Grrrrrrrrrrreat. Jessica's mom tells me that she fears that her daughter might do something if left alone today. No pressure or anything... I mean... my change in plans could only give a little push to this poor unstable teen. UGG. But I think I've worked it out. The plan is now: Kayla and Jessica to come to OUR house after school, I'll drive them to the Doctor's appt this afternoon, (Jessica can sit with me while we wait for Kayla to get done) - then I'll drive them to Jessica's house where her mom will take them to the game then home.
I've no idea when I'm going to be able to pack for this weekend. I guess I'll just grab some clothes and a bathing suit and head out tonight. It's funny... in my chorus I've been trying to explain to them about how I have NO time to go shopping. We are supposed to all go out and get a dress that resembles the 1912-ish Music Man dresses for our costume. They are cheap... and you can pick something up at a consignment shop and have it altered to make it work for the costume... so I'm told. But trying to explain to them how little "me" time I have.... well.... lets go over this week, shall we:
Monday was Julie's visit. I got home after 5 and never stopped cooking / entertaining until after 10 that night. Tuesday night I had chorus rehearsal, got home, changed, and out the door I went until rehearsal was over at 10pm. Wednesday... what did I do on Wednesday? I got home after 5, and was exhausted. I gave Amanda and Kayla my bank card to run to the store and grab some needed groceries, they picked up Chinese for dinner, and we got everything done by about 9pm. (Homework checked, review of assignments, eating, cleaning, etc) Thursday night we had the open house. I got off work at 5, had to be at the school by 5:30. We didn't get home until after 9pm. Friday (tonight) we have doctors appointments at 5pm and 6pm for Kayla and Kayte. Then drive the High Schoolers over to someone to take them to their football game, and Kayte over to someones place who is taking her to the middle-school football game tonight.
So yeah - fitting in a shopping trip, hunting for the perfect costume that will fit me, NOT do-able right now. And, I'm okay with that - really I am. It's just how funny it is that the people at chorus who don't understand how hectic it is can say 'just run to some consignment shops until you find the right thing'. Oie!
I was talking to a friend yesterday who told me he enjoyed funny blogs. I realized that - with all the craziness of our days, I haven't had a chance to tell you some of our funny stories. So... I though here and there I'll share some of them with you.
A few years ago, we were moving from one house to another down in South Tampa. We had put almost everything in boxes, but weren't totally packed yet. A good friend of mine (Chris) came over to help me finish packing a few nights before the big move.
Chris decided to help me pack up the pantry (in a small closet at the end of a hallway by the kitchen). There are wooden shelves in there, the top one is probably 6 feet high. She's packing and packing, gets to the top shelf (where we have our Christmas cookie chocolate and nothing really more - we can't reach all the way up there so we put stuff we'd rarely use that high). She notices that we have.......... rat droppings up there. ICK. And, how embarrassing that my FRIEND notices this? I never new we had mice/rats!
That night I told Chris (my hubby) what Chris (the friend) had found. Unbeknownst to me, he noticed a small hole in the upper corner of the pantry and figured that was where the rat was getting in and out of. He figured, if he moved the shelf down a level, the rodent wouldn't be able to get back in the hole. Great thinking hun... and thanks for not telling me this!
The next morning I get up for work. Chris is over at the new house unpacking (he has the day off work). I'm getting the kids off to school and getting ready for work. I notice the cat (a large 20 lb tabby cat) looking at the pantry door (closed). I wonder what he's doing... so I open the pantry door (not looking in the pantry, but rather looking at the cat) and ask the cat what it is he's looking at. You ever get the feeling someone/something is looking RIGHT at you? Yeah... well... I turn to look in the pantry, and here is this HUGE rat looking right at me - EYE LEVEL. It's then I see that Chris took down the upper shelf, and the rat got down but can't get back up into the hole. Rat looking at me........ me looking at rat......... OH MY LORD! I then look at the cat..... look back at the rat............ what am I going to do??...... In my quick thinking and not-so-well-thought-out panic I decide... cat's eat mice.... right?? I pick up this 20 lb cat (who I might add has never been outside or seen any kind of rodent before) and I THROW him into the pantry and try to close the door. No... no time for that. They run in circles... shelf... up the wall... shelf... up the wall... then finally out the door that I'm trying to close (with all the chaos going on in the pantry - THAT was impossible)... and the two of them run off into Amanda's bedroom.
Amanda's room was a converted garage... probably 20 ft long by 10 ft wide. It was ALMOST empty. In the room is... her bed (with black sheets and a black bed skirt) - a television, a bookshelf with only a few books left on it, and a picture in frame against the wall. Oh, and now the room has a cat AND rat in it.
Realizing that I have to go to work, I call Chris and tell him about all of this. What you have to understand is that... Chris is TERRIFIED of mice/rats. He responds "You want me to come HOME???" He decides to call his hero... his mom... to come and help him deal with the situation at home. I close the door to Amanda's bedroom and head to work.
The two of them arrive and the almost vacant house and head into the bedroom. Each has their weapon of choice... Chris a golf club and Evie a broom. They don't see the rat... and can't find the cat. Well, the cat was under the bed, terrified of this HUGE rat he's just been terrorized by. They can't get him out from under the bed to help out. They start looking around the room, trying to figure out where the rat is. At one point, the rat ran from the bookshelf, across the room. Chris SCREAMED like a 6 year old girl at a Cheetah Girls concert.... and jumped probably 7 feet right onto the bed. Only problem... the rat ALSO ran under the bed. Cat runs OUT from under the bed as he is terrified of this rat as well. Chris then tries to absorb his surroundings... he's on a bed w/ black bedding... how would he KNOW if the rat climbed up onto the bed?? He then jumps onto the television sitting in the middle of the room, and grabs the golf club. The rat runs out from under the bed and Chris takes a swing at him w/ the club. Of course, he misses, and the rat keeps running around - trying to figure out HOW to get out of this room - how to get out - how to get out! At one point, the rat ran UP a door onto the blinds (probably seeing the light of outside and hoping he could get there) but quickly fell when there was no way out. Again, Chris just swinging and swinging at this rat running around... Chris still screaming... his mom in the corner with a broom (her defense weapon) yelling "get him! get him!" The rat runs under the picture leaning up against the wall. The rat THINKS he's safe... but Evie and Chris both saw him run there, so they know where he is. Chris at this point is just thinking... "how can I get out of here"... still standing on the Television. Chris's mom begins to run across the room.... running... running.... jumps high.... and - S-P-L-A-T... lands RIGHT on the picture. Glass breaks, but she's just jumping up and down - up and down - yelling "DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!". Chris sees the tail sticking out and at some point, the tail stops moving... Chris tells her that it's okay to stop, he's dead.
Doorbell rings.
It's our neighbor.... who is VERY concerned as he's heard a LOT of yelling... terrified screams - "get him!!" -- "die - die - die!!". Yeah........... he wants to know if everything is okay. Evie answers the door first - sweaty as all get-out. She tries to explain to the neighbor what was going on and behind her comes Chris, totally red faced and sweaty... but holding a HUGE rat by it's tail. The neighbor - of course - understands and quietly goes home. (I'm sure HE set traps that night!)
So that's our rat story... and the only time Chris has totally conquered his fear. Conquered... that's a good word for it!
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
This Weekend
I'm nervous as all get-out about this weekend. Chris and I have the opportunity to spend the weekend on St. Pete beach alone for our 20th Anniversary. Oh, and for FREE. (Well, $50 clean-up fee) Of course we are going, but that leaves the kids home alone. Sigh......
They won't be totally alone - Amanda will be home, I just have to 1) make sure her work schedule is okay and 2) get her to not parent Jonathan too much. (The other kids tell me that she's really 'hard' on him all the time) I'm also trying to jot down a schedule so that I know where they are and when they'll be home. For example... Friday night Kayla and Justin have a football game they are going to. Kayla has a friend's mom that is going to take them and bring them home. Jono and Kayte will be home with Amanda. Saturday Kayla and Kayte will be going to a neighbor's party from about noon till 5. I don't know yet about Jono and Justin, I guess they'll be home all day. Then I have a friend from Church bringing over dinner for them to all eat. (I was afraid they'd eat cereal the whole time I was gone!) Much thanks Suzanne! Sunday afternoon we'll be home - so they'll really only be alone without us on Saturday. (Sheesh Tina - relax!) But I'd still feel better knowing where they are all the time and who is with them. If anyone wants to volunteer to call or drop by - drop me a line and let me know -- we'd love it.
Speaking of doing things alone and/or trusting.... I should tell you that the last THREE times Kayla has gone out, she has done so WITHOUT getting into trouble! She is so proud of herself, and of course I am proud of her too. It's funny because she is actually counting these times and bragging to her friends about it. It's odd how there are times when I am certain she is doing something just because she WANTS to be defiant and do it, and then there are other times when I know she's trying, but she lacks the basic understanding of how to do something and NOT get into trouble. It's hard because as she continues to TRY to do things correctly and NOT get into trouble, I have to allow some level of trust in her and hope that she doesn't hang herself with it. Funny... a lot like what I'm going through with Julie. It's nice to see them both moving in the right direction. :o)
Speaking of moving in the right direction, Julie is still doing VERY WELL! I'm so happy for her. I've been getting quite a bit of pressure from some family members lately. Not bad pressure... but rather... a heavy sense of empathy towards Julie because she is doing so well. Sometimes that empathy FEELS to me like they feel I'm being unreasonable towards Julie. I think the entire family is really on the same page. But I feel that there is an urge to 'take sides' for some reason... and I'm not really sure why. We ALL want the same thing... for Julie to get better and be able to raise her kids on her own. Some are a little less confident that CAN happen... but isn't that understandable? NONE of us think that Julie is such an evil person that she can not raise her kids. Some wonder if Julie will EVER be mentally WELL enough to take care of the kids. And for those who DO wonder that... it's not unfounded by any means, so it's not like we are being harsh.
I just talked to Dottie to get her feelings on how she thought things went with Julie's visit. She thought Julie did well... but noticed a few things. Justin didn't spend any time with his mom and she wasn't sure why. (He just seemed a little distant) Kayte was really overly loving towards her mom (sat on her lap most of the time). When Julie met Kayla's boyfriend she acted as if she were a teen, shaking his hand in some teenage fashion. And of course she noticed that I never stopped working and that Julie and the kids would not get up to help me. But - overall - she agreed that the visit went well in that Julie behaved herself while there.
While talking to Dottie I also tried to put into words the feeling I had when Julie was talking about things (such as fixing the broken beds). I told her that.... when Julie talked about things - like Julie now trying to clean out her garage because it has so much trash in it - that although it is GREAT that she is doing this, but at the same time, it brings back the memories of HOW things got to be that way. The garage reminded me of... the pot smoking parties out there... the gang members going through the stuff in the garage and pawning anything of value (mostly Ron's stuff)... leaving nothing left BUT the garbage. I tried to explain how it was hard to not be happy - yet sad - at the very same time.
I suppose if the kids were with Katie right now and I were looking at things... it would be easier to JUST be happy about it and not think of the bad stuff. But with constant phone calls to/from state workers, frequent psychiatric visits and constantly talking to the kids about the past so that they can see the errors/mistakes and overcome whatever led up to those events - it makes it hard, if not impossible, to be JUST happy without feeling that sense of sadness over what had happened in the recent past.
That's the great thing about blogging. You get to put your thoughts and feelings out there - then go back and read them - and often times you get to psychoanalyze yourself. LOL Getting pregnant at 17, married at 18, and having the life events that we have - I've been to more than my fair share of therapy sessions... so I get to provide therapy to myself. Too funny.
I would like to wish my mother and father-in-law (Evelyn and Jimmie Dean) a very happy Anniversary! Today is their 21st wedding anniversary. Come on everyone... sing it with me.... "Happy anniversary to you, happy anniversary to you, happy anniversary dear Evie and Jimmie, happy anniversary to you".
I'm going to end with snips from my friend Chris Kirkman's recent post. She's the one with the daughter who has cancer. (Chris is the mom, Drew is her husband, Kylie is their baby girl, and Christal just turned 8) They are living each day to it's fullest - one day at a time, one memory at a time, while Christal is still blessing the world with her presence. They had a prayer service for her on Sunday, and Chris posted the following message about it. I've edited it some for length purposes. But I really wanted to share it with you because it shows God in action, as well as the wonderful spirit of this little girl, Christal.
They won't be totally alone - Amanda will be home, I just have to 1) make sure her work schedule is okay and 2) get her to not parent Jonathan too much. (The other kids tell me that she's really 'hard' on him all the time) I'm also trying to jot down a schedule so that I know where they are and when they'll be home. For example... Friday night Kayla and Justin have a football game they are going to. Kayla has a friend's mom that is going to take them and bring them home. Jono and Kayte will be home with Amanda. Saturday Kayla and Kayte will be going to a neighbor's party from about noon till 5. I don't know yet about Jono and Justin, I guess they'll be home all day. Then I have a friend from Church bringing over dinner for them to all eat. (I was afraid they'd eat cereal the whole time I was gone!) Much thanks Suzanne! Sunday afternoon we'll be home - so they'll really only be alone without us on Saturday. (Sheesh Tina - relax!) But I'd still feel better knowing where they are all the time and who is with them. If anyone wants to volunteer to call or drop by - drop me a line and let me know -- we'd love it.
Speaking of doing things alone and/or trusting.... I should tell you that the last THREE times Kayla has gone out, she has done so WITHOUT getting into trouble! She is so proud of herself, and of course I am proud of her too. It's funny because she is actually counting these times and bragging to her friends about it. It's odd how there are times when I am certain she is doing something just because she WANTS to be defiant and do it, and then there are other times when I know she's trying, but she lacks the basic understanding of how to do something and NOT get into trouble. It's hard because as she continues to TRY to do things correctly and NOT get into trouble, I have to allow some level of trust in her and hope that she doesn't hang herself with it. Funny... a lot like what I'm going through with Julie. It's nice to see them both moving in the right direction. :o)
Speaking of moving in the right direction, Julie is still doing VERY WELL! I'm so happy for her. I've been getting quite a bit of pressure from some family members lately. Not bad pressure... but rather... a heavy sense of empathy towards Julie because she is doing so well. Sometimes that empathy FEELS to me like they feel I'm being unreasonable towards Julie. I think the entire family is really on the same page. But I feel that there is an urge to 'take sides' for some reason... and I'm not really sure why. We ALL want the same thing... for Julie to get better and be able to raise her kids on her own. Some are a little less confident that CAN happen... but isn't that understandable? NONE of us think that Julie is such an evil person that she can not raise her kids. Some wonder if Julie will EVER be mentally WELL enough to take care of the kids. And for those who DO wonder that... it's not unfounded by any means, so it's not like we are being harsh.
I just talked to Dottie to get her feelings on how she thought things went with Julie's visit. She thought Julie did well... but noticed a few things. Justin didn't spend any time with his mom and she wasn't sure why. (He just seemed a little distant) Kayte was really overly loving towards her mom (sat on her lap most of the time). When Julie met Kayla's boyfriend she acted as if she were a teen, shaking his hand in some teenage fashion. And of course she noticed that I never stopped working and that Julie and the kids would not get up to help me. But - overall - she agreed that the visit went well in that Julie behaved herself while there.
While talking to Dottie I also tried to put into words the feeling I had when Julie was talking about things (such as fixing the broken beds). I told her that.... when Julie talked about things - like Julie now trying to clean out her garage because it has so much trash in it - that although it is GREAT that she is doing this, but at the same time, it brings back the memories of HOW things got to be that way. The garage reminded me of... the pot smoking parties out there... the gang members going through the stuff in the garage and pawning anything of value (mostly Ron's stuff)... leaving nothing left BUT the garbage. I tried to explain how it was hard to not be happy - yet sad - at the very same time.
I suppose if the kids were with Katie right now and I were looking at things... it would be easier to JUST be happy about it and not think of the bad stuff. But with constant phone calls to/from state workers, frequent psychiatric visits and constantly talking to the kids about the past so that they can see the errors/mistakes and overcome whatever led up to those events - it makes it hard, if not impossible, to be JUST happy without feeling that sense of sadness over what had happened in the recent past.
That's the great thing about blogging. You get to put your thoughts and feelings out there - then go back and read them - and often times you get to psychoanalyze yourself. LOL Getting pregnant at 17, married at 18, and having the life events that we have - I've been to more than my fair share of therapy sessions... so I get to provide therapy to myself. Too funny.
I would like to wish my mother and father-in-law (Evelyn and Jimmie Dean) a very happy Anniversary! Today is their 21st wedding anniversary. Come on everyone... sing it with me.... "Happy anniversary to you, happy anniversary to you, happy anniversary dear Evie and Jimmie, happy anniversary to you".
I'm going to end with snips from my friend Chris Kirkman's recent post. She's the one with the daughter who has cancer. (Chris is the mom, Drew is her husband, Kylie is their baby girl, and Christal just turned 8) They are living each day to it's fullest - one day at a time, one memory at a time, while Christal is still blessing the world with her presence. They had a prayer service for her on Sunday, and Chris posted the following message about it. I've edited it some for length purposes. But I really wanted to share it with you because it shows God in action, as well as the wonderful spirit of this little girl, Christal.
Yesterday, the prayer service was just beautiful and Pastor Dave did a great job with it. I think the most amazing thing to me about this was the deacons from the church coming around and laying their hands on Christal. Here is this group of men surrounding her… only one of them actually KNEW Christal. They were praying for her as if she was their daughter or grand-daughter. As they stood around her, several of them were crying for her. Not like just tears streaming down the face crying... and not sobbing... but rather what I would call weeping. This was MY daughter, and they didn't "know" her... they only knew "OF" her, and there they were... weeping for her. I was totally taken back (as I always have been) by how fervently people pray for her. It was quite touching. There was definitely a sweet spirit about this place.
Towards the beginning of the service, Kylie decided she wanted to sit riiiiiiiight by her sissy. So she got as close as she could get to Christal, and still be in my lap… she put her hand on Christal’s back and started patting her like as if to say, “Hi, my sissy… hi… this is my sissy.” Like she has a thousand times before. Then Kylie did something she really hasn’t ever done before… she put her hand on Christal’s cheek and moved her hand back and forth, like stroking it. SO gently, just adorable. Ugh, as sweet as it was I thought, “I can’t believe this little baby girl is going to have to grow up without her big sissy.” Just not the way it’s suppose to be, is it?
At the end of the service Christal sat and talked to everyone on the way out, which was a nice suggestion of Pastor Dave. Afterwards it was suggested that maybe Christal would like to be baptized. We talked to her and decided it was something that we’d be doing… RIGHT THEN! It’s not often (if ever) that Pastor Jay Dennis would get interrupted during his evening message to
do a baptism. He knew how much this meant and was HAPPY to let it happen. This entire time was so surreal as I watched her with Pastor Dave in her white robe getting ready for something so amazing happening in her life. I was just the tiniest bit envious of her, because I had been wanting to get baptized for awhile… but just hadn’t done it. When I spoke up and said, AAAAAAAAH, I’m so excited for her I could just PEE… I want to be right there with her!” When Lori realized I meant I wanted to get baptized too… they asked if I wanted to get changed and do it with her, telling me there was time. I kept saying, “No no no, not now… this is her moment.” Little did I know how the rest of the evening would unfold.Over the next 30-40 min or so… and actually the entire evening… God had been working on Drew’s heart. As Christal and I went out front to say good-bye to Uncle T and Aunt Jodi and the kids (and others)… Drew was getting ready for the journey that would change his life. He sat in the back with Lori and started talking to her. Christal and I came back, and when we walked up… I KNEW something huge was going on. Pastor Jay came out and Lori introduced Drew to him first… it was at that moment within a few sentences that Pastor Jay asked Drew the question and he was ready to answer it in an affirmative way, “Do you want to accept Jesus into your heart as your personal savior?” And Drew answered, “Yes.” And then prayed the prayer with Pastor Jay. Within just a minute of this, he tells me that he understood that I had wanted to get baptized, and of course I told him, “Yes, that’s true.” You have to know… no one is in the church, everyone has gone home… we’re just there together behind the scenes just a few of us and he said, “Well, I’ll baptize you right here, right now if you’d like.” And my response was, “Gitty-UP, lets DO IT!” (I’m not really sure if that was the “appropriate” response, but I think Pastor understood my enthusiasm.) He then turned to Drew (who is still spinning for just accepting Christ), and asks him the same question to which his response was affirmative! This entire night could not have been more perfect.
We all walked up to the baptismal… prayed, and then it was time. This was a very surreal feeling being back at the very same location I had been just moments before with my daughter. I had just said, “No, this was her moment and it wasn’t time for me yet…” Not knowing that God was already there and knew that I in fact WAS going to be baptized that evening… but rather,
WITH the love of my life. I’m not sure I’ve ever been a part of an evening like this… rather, I KNOW I’ve never been a part of something SO unbelievable.Afterwards Christal met Pastor Jay and told him something that she had been talking about
since her baptism, she said, “Uh…. You know I think you really need to get a slide in there, and probably a diving board too. It would be a lot more fun. I have a lot of money that I could give you… or we could raise money. I think you should really do that.”
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