I Hate Mornings

Contestant: "Yes, Alex. I'll take "I Hate Mornings" for $100 please."
Alex: "The kids getting up on their own for school each morning could only be described as this."
Contestant: "What is impossible."
**ding**ding**ding**ding** Yes, that is correct!

Yet another morning where the kids didn't get up on their own. Here is the morning schedule: Justin gets up around 5:00am, Kayla up at 5:30 - both Kayla and Justin to leave the house at 6:30 to catch their bus. Jonathan to wake up at 6:40am and Kayte to wake up at 7:30 - both Kayte and Jonathan to leave to catch their bus at 8:30.

However, nobody wakes up to their alarm clocks. Furthermore, the high schoolers are up 2 hours before the middle schoolers need to be up, but in each room is one high schooler and one middle schooler. So they are all grumpy as well. I've tried backing up the time they go to bed... moving bedtime from 10pm to 9pm. But nobody sleeps till 11 or so anyways. And even on nights that they DO go to bed on time, they are still late the next morning as nobody hears their alarm clocks.

I myself set my alarm clock for 7:30 to be out the door by 7:40, but I wake up almost every morning at 5ish to get up and check on the kids (who are usually still sleeping), then the same thing at 6:45-7:00-ish. Those of you who know I'm not a morning person will find it hard to believe that I just 'wake up' in the mornings to check on the kids, but I do. Not the same time every morning, but every morning none the less. And so waking up in this manner usually will make me grumpy as wll. I will say here that Justin is usually the best at getting up on his own... but this morning he didn't do it. Justin and Kayla got up at 6:20 and had to be out the door at 6:30 in order to not miss their bus. They were late... but apparently their bus was as well.

I know what some of you are thinking... I should set my alarm clock for 5am as well and make sure the kids are up. Well, the problem with that is two-fold; one being that I can't handle working on less than 7 hours of sleep (Chris can, but I can't), and second is that, I would have to go to bed at 10pm every night - but - after 10pm is my only adult and/or alone time. **sigh**

I spoke with the new DCF lady yesterday, Natalia. She was very.... professional, matter of fact, and spoke in general terms (not specific) in her discussion with me. Of course, she's yet to meet myself, the kids or Julie yet. But anyways... I was glad I made a list of things to talk to her about. I found out that her next "staffing" is scheduled for 10/10 and right now that staffing is for 'reunification plans'. Then her next court date, what they call 'judicial review' is set for 11/21. I will for sure be going to that court date.

Natalia explained to me how reunification would work: Julie would first be allowed unsupervised visits, 2 hours for 2 weeks, then 4 hours for 2 week, eventually up to a day, then eventually overnight. The folks at DCF would make the plans at the October staffing meeting, then bring their plans to the judge at the judicial review. I also found out that the hearing IS open and family members are allowed to attend.

Some of the things I discussed with Natalia: She needs to meet with Dr. Vergeese. She said that she would not meet with him, but she would be happy to talk to him on the phone. I told her some of the concerns that Vergeese had, in particular the sex addict problem and again said Dr. Vergeese would talk to her more about it. (By the way, she told me that it was NOT okay for Julie to have anyone move in as long as they cleared a background check - I don't know where Julie got that from) I told her about Kayla's therapy and future Psychiatric appointment. She didn't have much to say about that, but I gave her the information. I asked about the kids being able to sleep over friends houses - and she said 100% positive "NO". Well... not entirely no, but if they wanted to sleep over a friend's house, the family where they are going would have to consent to background checks, fingerprinting and a home study. She went on to add that many times friends don't want to go through all of that, and then other times they say it's okay to do it, but the background check shows that there was a "domestic problem" call made once in the past and the kids are told they are not allowed to go over there. That opens a whole can of worms that most people don't want to open. She told me to tell the kids that - once they are reunified with their mom they can go wherever the heck they want. Oh yeah... that's fair, huh?

I then got a call from Dr. Vergeese today. He was furious about 2 things; first of all that Natalia would refuse to meet with him. Second he was upset with Julie. He went on ranting and raving about how DCF wants everything from him, but then won't meet with him to discuss it. He said... "it's her JOB and she should meet with me". He then told me that Julie had missed a lot of appointments lately. Some she missed because she was working, others she missed because she slept through them. Either way, they were missed and he didn't like it one bit. He said that he knew she had to work, but that she should be able to adjust her schedule to accomodate her doctors appointments. He wonders if Julie just considers herself 'fixed' and thinks she can handle things on her own. That would be very dangerous for Julie.

I think I'm going to write Julie a detailed letter telling her my thoughts/feelings on reunification and her progress. I do NOT usually talk about anything here that I don't talk to Julie about as well... after all, she could stumble across my blog online and I don't want her to be surprised by anything she would read.

UGG... just got a call from Chris and our Durango is broke down. This is NOT good... we need that vehicle for all these kids. He thinks it the battery, but he charged it and it still won't start. He's on his way to buy something from the auto parts store to see if that helps. Course, that means he missed a full day of work today. Crap. I just keep thinking to myself, "Not now, God.... please not now!" First of all, I'm tired from this morning and it's going to be a very long night already tonight. Second of all, it's a HUGE weekend for us with Jonathan performing at Labor Day Jamboree. We're supposed to bring all the kids up tomorrow (Saturday) and sleep over at Innisbrook. And last, but certainly not least, we can't do any with the kids in just the Mustang. It uncomfortably holds 2 people in the back seat... not to mention how WET it is throughout with all the rain we've had. (Yes, it leaks). UGG... God.. please don't let it be anything more than just a battery right now.

I'll leave you with this thought for today. A friend of mine from Church had a blog about ‘What Fills Your Tank’. He talked about how we all have an emotional “tank” and how each of us has things that fill and drain our emotional tank. If your life is full of things that suck your tank dry, you end up with a high stress level, anxiety attacks, and nervous breakdowns. This made me think about my life and how I was living day to day... what fills and drains my tank. I thought I'd list them:

What Drains My Tank:
1. I – Me – Mine People. Chris and I have noticed it over the years… the people who go around only thinking of themselves, stuck in the “I, me and mine” frame of mind. You know the frame of mind… “What’s in it for me?” “What do I get if I do this/that?” "You can't have it because it's mine!" “What is the benefit to me?” These people are everywhere; some manage to hide it while others do it out in the open. My daughter is a good example of this frame of mind but I think it’s just the age. She’s taught the other kids to actually count the number of “you” vs. “I” in requests they make of Chris and I. Meaning… if you are going to ask for something, make sure that your request has more “you” in it that “I”. Example, “I know YOU are not feeling well. I know YOU have worked hard today. I’m sure YOU would like a little peace and quiet when YOU get home from work today. Is it okay if I go over Jessica’s house tonight?” Now, I think the concept itself is wonderful, but at the same time, they are still in the “I, me, mine” frame of mind, only they are consciously making efforts to conceal it. Another example of I, Me, Mine: You ask someone to do you a favor, but the reply is “yes, BUT” and follows something THEY want in return.

2. Angry People. There are too many things to deal with from day to day to worry about angry people. All of us are sinners. All of us have anger. All of us have things that we wish were done some other way or handled differently. Jesus died on the cross to take away our sins and we are supposed to bring our problems to Him. Angry people who yell and shout are just trying to take their anger and throw it at other people, instead of giving it to the Father. Even if the angry person is trying to throw their anger my way and I don’t allow it to ‘stick’, it still drains my tank.

3. Paycheck to Paycheck. I wasn’t sure if I should put this in here… but it is one of my top three tank drainers. Living paycheck to paycheck and just never being sure that I’m going to make it till next payday. God forbid an emergency come up (need that car battery today!) and I need money that was allocated because then I’m short someplace else. I’ve always thought of it as just “reality”…. As just “the way it is”. Now that I’ve actually identified it as one of my top 3 drains, I think I’ll proactively try to make a change. Even if it’s only a small fund to draw from in case of emergency, I think it would help.

What Fills My Tank:
1. Music. Gosh I love music… music sings to my soul. Singing with the choir on Sundays, singing on the Praise Team, or singing at Toast of Tampa – this fills my tank big-time. It not the singing that does it for me, it’s the music. If I still had my saxophone, I’d be playing it as often as I could as well. Music speaks to me on a spiritual level, and by sharing music with others, I hope that it transcends me and fills others with the passion, love and Holy Spirit that I feel as well.

2. Kids. Spending time with the kids makes my heart happy. As adults, we know we teach them by our words and actions. However if you pay attention, they are teaching us as well. Kids have an innocence and understanding that we often forget and spending time with them and recognizing those things makes me happy.

3. Blogging. I know it sounds weird, but – it’s therapeutic! I often times forget to say ‘thank you’ to God and others in my life who are doing things for me every day. I often times will forget to stop and smell the roses or I’ll feel like what is happening at that very moment is the worst thing ever. Blogging helps me to put my feelings and inner-most thoughts on paper and allows me to gain perspective.

I challenge you think about what fills you up and what drains you. How are you living your life? Is your tank almost empty near a nervous breakdown, or are making an effort to say "no" to things that drain you so you can stay healthy? Are you getting enough of the things that fill your tank? Could you do more of those things?