So, about 10 till 5 last night Kayte calls me (using someones cell phone). Mind you, she should have ridden the bus (with Jonathan) and been HOME by 4:30. She proceeds to explain to me that she and Amanda (a girl who is getting into a LOT of trouble lately) decided to WALK home today. But, the school police officer picked them up (they are not allowed to walk home) and put them in the school gym and told them that they had to call for a parent to come and pick them up. Kayte then goes on to explain that Amanda had already called her mom and she was on her way to pick them up - Kayte wants to know if she can go home w/ Amanda. I tell her NO, have Amanda's mom drop you off at home. She asks why, and I tell her 1) homework 2) chores and 3) because Amanda's been in too much trouble lately and I don't want her out w/ Amanda today. She throws a teenage fit (nothing is ever fair, I know) - I tell her that I'm not going to be home tonight - Chris is - and if she wants to plead her case with him, call him. But MY word is "NO".
Kayte calls the house and Chris is sleeping (he was home sick all day). Kayte tells Kayla that she wants to go over Amanda's house and 'would that be okay'. Kayla said she'd tell Uncle Chris when he got up that she was over Amanda's house. Mind you, Kayte never said that I already told her NO. Further, Kayla has no parental power anyways.
I get home after 5 and ask "where is Kayte". Kayla tells me that she is at Amanda's house. I call Amanda's house, no answer. I call the cell phone she used to call me at work, the girl who answered said she wasn't with her any more. I call Amanda's cell phone, no answer. I ask Kayla what the hell is going on, Kayla tells me what she told Kayte. I told Kayla to try to find Kayte (Kayla at this point feels extremely guilty). Kayla calls someone else's cell phone, it's a guy! Kayte is with him - Kayte tells Kayla that they are "At Amanda's house". We explain that's not possible as I just called there. They then say they are out front at Amanda's house. Okay, we tell her to COME HOME NOW.
Maybe 30 minutes later, Amanda's mom calls our house. She can't find Amanda and wonders if she's over our house. WHAT? Did Amanda's mom ever go to the school to pick them up? No. Did she even know anything about it? No. Were the kids at her house (inside OR out)? No. And her mom is worried because Amanda has been in SO MUCH trouble lately.
Still trying to FIND Kayte. Kayla heads out on a bicycle trying to find her. Shortly thereafter, Kayte comes home. I'm on my way to Chorus at this time (Toast of Tampa). Here's the end result of what happened:
She lied about Amanda's mom picking her up.
She lied to the school person to get out of the gym without parental pick up (told them she was catching the school bus [which had already left at that point]).
She got into some man's car that Amanda apparently knew (Kayte personally didn't know him).
He drove them to McDonalds (these kids LOVE McDonalds).
He then drove them around other places, eventually dropping her off a block from home (so we didn't see he drove her around).
I'm positive there is a little more to this story, but frankly, I don't know that I need to hear any more. I'm already LIVID. I talked to her briefly about it this morning. She just told me "well Kayla told me I could go". Even IF Kayla had the authority to have told her it was okay to go over Amanda's house, she still told LIE after LIE after LIE and NEVER went to Amanda's house! But she chooses to use THIS as her defense? Yeah, we are going to talk about this more when I get home tonight for sure.
I just can't believe KAYTE did this... the one who told me that she CANT ever lie... who told me that she uses Kayla's mistakes as a "what not to do guide". Just KILLS ME.
In the midst of all of this, I talk to Julie - a frustrating call. She is doing SO SO SO much better. I truly do recognize that. Here's what happened:
Julie called me to tell me that she was all done with her drug classes and tonight had her last parenting class. Now... I know my sister better than anyone and I know she's chosen to attend a stupid parenting class - probably learned how to change a diaper and not leave your baby on the counter to roll off and hurt himself - but not learned how to deal with HER situation. So - I ask - "Julie, what did you learn in parenting class". She tells me that she learned not to do drugs. So I ask "do you now feel that getting a tattoo for your 12-year old kid is a bad idea?" She says "NO! That subject was never covered in this class." She then goes on to explain how she has SEEN biker people tattoo their TWO year old kids, and if they can do it, she can too. She also said that it wasn't illegal... and my personal favorite quote of the day: "If a 17 or 18 year old can get a tattoo, what is the difference if the kid is 12 or 13 years old?" Exactly what I know she feels. She still doesn't UNDERSTAND that there are some things that kids are just too young to do, or that are simply inappropriate at certain ages. Listen, I've been to Adventure Island... I've seen "the inking of America" - I know that a LOT of people are getting tattoos now. And I'm not AGAINST them by any means. But I honestly - truthfully - wholeheartedly feel that the tattoo they choose to get at the age of 12, 13 or 14 is most likely NOT going to be what they want on their body when they are 30, 40 or 50 years old. Additionally, they are looking at a lot of touch up work throughout the years to keep them looking good - or else they are going to have 'old-looking' tattoos before they are old enough to even DRINK. UGG
Can you tell this subject sets me off? And it's not necessarily THIS subject, it's Julie's overall decision making process. YES, she is no longer doing drugs. YES, she has a job. But those fundamental poor decision making problems ARE still there. And - if those are not addressed - she's still going to continue to make poor decisions about the kids - which, most likely, will lead them down the wrong path. Had Julie parented Kayte last night, she would have had no problem with letting Kayte go over Amanda's house. She'd probably never have known that Kayte went out with some guy - driving all over town. And even if she did know about it, in Julie's book of reasoning, it's not illegal so there is nothing wrong with it. I've worked TOO HARD to get these kids on the right path to have that kind of parenting take over! (Have I crossed the line into whining? Yes, I think I have!)
I tried to call Karen last night, but her number wasn't working. Friday is her last day, and I've no idea who is taking over for her. My boss has a 'big-wig' in the office this morning, so I can't call her now, but I WILL try to call her later to find out what's going on. In talking to Julie last night she said that any time now she should get 'sleepover visits' with the kids. I'm hoping she doesn't mean sleeping over my house because, my house is busting at the seams as-is. The last time she slept over was Christmas and it was HORRIBLE. She insisted in sleeping in our bed, she slept all day long in our bed. And she SNORED something horrible. Additionally I need to work on getting Justin (and the girls) in counseling before they go back home for any period of time (even over night on weekends or whatever the plan that I don't know of might be). I already know what Karen is going to say... she's going to tell me that I don't need to worry about this now. BUT... what if the doctor says she's fine to get the kids now? What if the Judge agrees?What if the doctor and the judge say it can happen in 6 months and it TAKES 6 months to get them in someplace? It's taken 8 months now (and counting) to get Julie a psychiatric 2nd opinion. And she wasn't working until a month or so ago. Do I think it'll be any quicker for us?
And - yes is the answer to the question I know you want to ask. Do I want Julie to get the kids back? Yes, I really do. But I don't want her to un-do anything we've worked so hard for.
I better run. I have to think up some kind of punishment for Kayte. Right now her punishment is "don't hang out with Amanda anymore and ride the bus home (directly home) after school every day. Yeah, the other kids think that's totally lenient, and they are right. We're just not used to Kayte acting up. But she just turned 13, I guess I should expect a little of it, eh?
One more thing I want to leave you with today. I know you are probably so sick of my uplifting phrases at the end of most blogs... but - so what - it's my blog. LOL I sent this to my chorus director and he read it to ALL of the chorus last night. Enjoy....
I AM A WINNER
…because I think like a winner, prepare like a winner, and perform like a winner
.…because I set high but attainable goals, work toward those goals with determination and persistence, and never stop until I reach them.… because I am strong enough to say "No!" to those things that would make me less than my best, and to say "Yes!" to the challenges and opportunities that will make me grow and improve my life
.…because total commitment is my constant companion, and personal integrity is my life-time mentor
.…because I am learning to avoid the tempting shortcuts that can lead to disappointment, and the unhealthy habits that could result in defeat
.…because I have a well-earned confidence in myself, a high regard for my teammates and co-workers, and a healthy respect for those in authority over me
.…because I have learned to accept criticism, not as a threat, but as an opportunity to examine my attitudes and to improve my skills
.…because I persevere in the midst of obstacles and fight on in the face of defeat
.…because I am made in the image and the likeness of my creator, who gave me a burning desire, a measure of talent, and a strong faith to attempt the difficult and to overcome the seemingly impossible
.…because of my enthusiasm for life, my enjoyment of the present, and my trust in the future.
1 comment:
Hi Tina,
I haven't read in a few days, but just got caught up. What a whirl-wind of days you're having. On one hand things seem so positive in Amanda's injury and now on the other hand, with Kayte, who you haven't had to experience problems with.
I just finished teaching a class today regarding ethical decision making. The class is based on the book "The Best Question Ever" by Andy Stanley.
This book teaches people to ask themselves...
Based on my "past experiences", "current circumstances" and "future hopes and dreams"....What is the WISE thing for me to do.
This book can be found in the devotional/religious section of Barnes & Noble and is a great/easy read.
Just a suggestion for you and Chris, maybe the kids and certainly if you could convince Julie, her as well to read. It's powerful. It has a workbook as well to really dig in, maybe it would be a good dinner-time/evening study thing you could do with the children? Just a thought.
Best of luck, keep your faith.
In His Love,
MT
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