One Of The Worst Nights Ever

Here it is... nearly midnight on Monday night... I need to be sleeping... but I just can't. My mind is reeling with events of this evening... and I know that if I blog about it, I will feel better. Here goes........

Tonight was a big night. Julie has been calling wanting to come over, unsupervised. She was off work tonight (Monday) and I told her she could come over. She has been doing SO much better. I've been debating it for a while now... and finally decided that it wasn't really in my hands anyways. See... she had gotten into trouble when she was here supervised only by me in the past. This led to visits having to be supervised from someone at a state level. Later they let my mom supervise visits. Julie is always better behaved when someone else was here to 'watch her'... which was GOOD for Julie. Allowing her to come to the house unsupervised meant that she COULD potentially do something wrong again and get into trouble again. But... I can't control that.(The next level would be totally unsupervised... meaning she could take the kids somewhere on her own, but she can't do that now, she has to have someone there with her at all times) So I let her come over. She was going to come over at 6. She wanted dinner and brownies... and offered to help cook. Cool!

I called Dottie (Guardian Ad Litem) as she has never been here to see Julie interact WITH her kids before. She kept asking when Julie was going to be over so that she could 'watch' her interact with the kids. She said she would come and was due to come over between 6 and 6:30. She's always so nice when she comes over... sits down with the kids and really listens to them.

Also due at our home this evening was Pito, Kayla's new boyfriend. He has been to the house many times, but this would be his first time meeting Kayla's mom.

I had decided to make fried chicken and rice for dinner. I saw an Emeril episode where he marinated the chicken in a mixture of Buttermilk and hot sauce overnight, then breaded and fried the chicken. It looked easy enough, so I bought the stuff to marinade and cook the dinner last night.

I arrived from work about 5:15. Chris was home but very tired and had a very bad headache... Amanda was at work... all the kids were home as was Pito. I immediately began to work on dinner... setting up the flour and spices.... getting the oil ready... pans needed... etc. About this time Dottie arrives. She has a pie in hand for the kids (she always brings something for them). Dottie and I talk a little while but I'm hard at work in the kitchen. Shortly thereafter Julie arrives and the whirlwind begins.

I want to pause quickly and stress that Julie didn't do anything wrong. Not at all. It's just the CHAOS that happens when she's here that makes it so......... stressful. And I'm fully aware it's mostly MY fault because I want her to have a good visit with her kids. I don't push the kids to do the clean up... I don't ask Julie to do things to pitch in. Anyways... back to the story.....

Julie has tons of stuff in hand. She's working now and has her own money. She brings clothes, peanuts, bread, coke (she hates my crystal lite), and a little money for each of the kids. She looks good... she has on new clothes, her nails are done real nice.... she's gained quite a bit of weight, but still looks good. SO SO much better than before. I didn't expect her to help me cook just then, of course. She was there to see her kids! But I did expect her to at least ask at some point. The kids, Julie and Dottie chatted for quite some time... at the kitchen table though so I got to..... hear but not participate.

I didn't listen to the whole conversation because I was hard at work cooking dinner for the army. I did hear Julie telling the kids all the work she was doing in their bedrooms... fixing up their beds and stuff. It was at this point when Chris whispered in my ear that he couldn't listen to this anymore and had to go somewhere else. I don't blame him... it was hard to listen to, which was why I was trying NOT to listen. What you have to realize here is that all the kids beds are broken BECAUSE of the bad stuff that happened in Julie's house the year after Ron died. They had people there who would... how do I say this nicely...... have 'relations' in their beds - so rough that it broke Kayte and Justin's bed. This is why it was hard to listen to all the work she was doing there. It's good... but it's still hard to hear. The other thing I hear them talking about on occasion is something 'new' the kids are doing. Sounding proud that they are 'doing this' and Julie calls their bluff.... "you know you don't like that, you know that this is what you REALLY like". It upsets me because the kids ARE trying to change... they ARE changing. Why is that such a bad thing? An example is the music they listen to. I won't let them listen to the DIRTY music anymore... and they even listen to Christian music now. They sing along with it in the car. But Julie 'knows' they don't REALLY like that. Ugggggg. (Note the music subject itself didn't come up tonight, it has in the past and was a good illustration for the general feel of the conversation this evening) So - they are talking and talking. I'm cooking and cooking. Cleaning and cleaning. Somewhere during this period... Dottie leaves. I was knee deep in frying so I really don't remember when.

I finished the chicken.... carrots.... rice......... tried to cook bread and ended up burning it. CRRRAP The kids half-assed set the table, so I'm trying to put ice in cups and get them on the table in time for dinner. Julie has still done nothing - AT ALL - to help with dinner or the table or anything. She sits at the head of the table and waits for everything to be done.

We have dinner... it was great by the way. Breading didn't stick so well to the chicken... but the chicken had a wonderful flavor and was very moist. Julie snuffed her nose at the carrots, proclaiming that she 'doesn't do vegetables at all'. The ONLY veggie she'll eat is corn. Of course, the kids are trying to get her to eat at least ONE carrot (they were sweet... I cooked them in pancake syrup). We finally had to promise her that we'd make brownies if she'd eat only ONE carrot. She did... hated it... but did it. I swear to God, it was like forcing a 5-year-old to eat their veggies. Only she's 37. Anyways...........

Several.......... uncomfortable......... subjects came up at the dinner table. You've heard me talk in the past about Julie's education level. She's never graduated high school nor passed her GED. She doesn't help the kids with their homework... they are above her level of learning already. At one point, the subject of math comes up. Julie mentions that she was actually very GOOD at math in school. Kayte tells her that the math Julie was good at was math they did years ago (or something to that effect) and Julie actually brags about how she had a 7th grade level of math on some pre-test for her GED. I don't get how that was brag-worthy... but it made everyone just kind of sit there and go... "okay... chagne the subject to something else". LOL Another odd subject was when we were trying to convince Kayla that she was NOT fat if she goes up in jeans sizes. (She currently wears a 3 but should be in a 4 or 5 for them to fit correctly.) Julie tries to console Kayla by telling her that - heck - she's more than 20 sizes bigger than that, so a little 4 or 5 is nothing. Course, that does NOT make Kayla feel any better. Her boyfriend (such a SWEET boy) jumps in and tries to help matters. He says that he has never felt that anorexic-looking girls were attractive, he felt women should be nicely proportioned. Only... poor Pito mispronounces the word 'anorexic'... not much, but he says something like 'amberexic' or something like that. Julie laughs, looks him in the eyes and says... "stay in school, son". I know she meant it to be funny.... and I'm usually the first one to applaud humor. But this poor guy was just trying so hard to fit in with the 'mom' he was meeting tonight for the first time. He didn't say anything after that at all.

We finish dinner and most of the kids head outside to play. Julie wants to make brownies right away. I know there is a TON of clean-up work to do. Kayla unloads the dining room table dirty dishes to the kitchen... and I start to work on the kitchen. Washing pots, pans, plates, bowls, cups, silverware, counter tops, sink - just - everything. Julie leaves the brownies for me to put in the oven which I do while cleaning. She then goes to play with Kayte on Myspace in the computer room for a while. Chris who hasn't been feeling well all night heads upstairs to bed.

I finish cleaning the kitchen.... then head to the dining room where the table, although cleaned off, still needs to be 'cleaned' and a table cloth re-set. I do this of course. Finally done. I go outside to tell Jonathan that he needs to do his chore (clean the floor in the kitchen), and I end up playing a game of basketball ('cat') with Justin, Kayla and Pito. Fun -- fun.

I head back inside and Julie's still on the computer. The kids want her to play a game of "spider eyes" because it's getting dark. What IS spider eyes you ask? I'm so glad you asked! It's REAL fun!! And you HAVE to try it. When it's dark.... get a flashlight... put it on your forehead... beam of light facing out front. Point the light to the ground and look for flickering green lights. When you find one.... little bitty lites... go look at what it is. It's a SPIDER. It's some technical thing about how the distance of the beam of light when placed on your forehead and your eyes... and the eyes of a spider. If you hold the flashlight anyplace else and try to do the same it just doesn't work. It's gotta be on your forehead. It's WICKED COOL. And I'm TERRIBLY afraid of spiders... but knowing WHERE they are is a good thing!

So... the kids want Julie to experience this. Julie's reply... "I don't do outside". What does THAT mean????? She goes on to explain... It's hot. There are bugs. It's not air conditioned. It's........... outside. No, uh-uh Julie... I drag her butt outside to do something with the kids. She did it... and of course... found it fascinating. She lasted maybe 5 minutes and had to go inside... but she did it. Yeah!

We go inside..... brownies are done. Good thing because it's nearly 8:30 and Julie wanted to leave before 9. I cut the brownies.... serve them....... milk......... whatever. Then - of course - you guessed it - cleaned up.

Julie then left for the night. Getting the kids to bed after this was TOUGH. But finally, 10:30 or so.... the house is quiet. Thank goodness!! Time for ME?? Nope. Phone rings maybe 15 min later. Amanda's at work and needs a ride home. UGGGGG Go to pick her up and finally get home and decide to just go to bed. Of course, I can't sleep.... so here I sit............ blogging.

Oh, I forgot to mention.... Julie says on her way out... "lets do this again in a week". Oh good lord.... I love her SO much. She really did good. But I am E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D. Again? In a week???? I'm going to have to think about that.

I hear ya mom.... you are saying "Tina, you should get the kids to chip in and do some of the work... or get Julie to help out". It's hard to explain... when she is here.... it's just.......... so chaotic - and she seems to wait for me to get things done for her - and - she wants to spend time with her kids... I don't blame her there! I just have to find a better way... because... I can't do this every week.