The Final Staffing

Well.... I suppose the staffing couldn't have gone any better.

Nick (the Supervisor) ran the meeting and basically just talked to Julie. He admitted over and over again how much better Julie is doing, but at the same time, told her that she had a long way to go. He would mention things like how in a conversation he had with her at the courthouse she lied about something - which he found out because he pulled her medical records - and she just replied with "my bad". Over and over again in her medical records... the same words kept coming up --- "non-compliant". Even though she seems to be doing better even now, she is still non-compliant. Sad really.

Long story short.... at the staffing they sugar-coated everything for Julie. They made it appear as if: they were going to close the case, she could see her kids more often and without 'big brother' watching, and that - when she was ready and when her doctor would sign something saying she was ready, she could just simply go to court and get her kids back. End of story. But although there is nothing really 'wrong' in that, it's really not nearly that simple.

I confirmed with Nick today that - Julie would have to get a letter from her Psychiatrist stating she was now ready to raise her kids again. She would go to court and a judge would decide if they could reopen the case. He says yes, the case is reopened and DCF, Hillsborough Kids and the Guardian Ad Litem get involved in everything just as they are now. They evaluate the situation, monitor everything, and will slowly incorporate the kids back into Julie's life. However, in Julie's mind... she thinks in 9 months or so she's going to go to court in the morning and come to my house in the afternoon and pick up the kids.

I understand why they sugar-coated it. None of us want to see Julie kill herself - of course.

Then I get calls today from Nick, Dr. Vergeese and Dottie.

Dottie (the Guardian Ad Litem) wants to make sure I clearly understand what is going to happen. She explains that I will be totally on my own after they cut the ties in court. That as much as I hate being the one person who has to watch her 'for' DCF, it's now going to be more important than ever that I do that on my own. Log everything just in case she goes to court and I don't think Julie really is ready. That - Julie will be having unsupervised visits which means I won't be there to be able to see for myself if she is behaving or not. I may find out when it's too late next time and then I'd have a crisis to manage on my own. It's a lot to digest... and I understand what she is saying. But - according to Nick - this is our only choice right now.

Nick called returning my call to find out for sure what would happen when Julie goes to try to get her kids back. He confirmed everything I said above, and said that he felt it would be nearly impossible for Julie to get the kids back. Not totally impossible, but very much not likely.

Then Dr. Vergeese called. Julie showed up for her appointment today over an hour late and he didn't want to see her. He was frustrated. I told him how the meeting went, and told him that Julie had agreed to Permanent Custody. Then I explained how Julie was given 'fluff-talk' to make it sound as if everything was going to be simple this way. He just told me, "Tina, it doesn't really matter, Julie is not ready to get her kids back right now. Nowhere near ready." He then expressed concern with unsupervised visits... asking me what would happen if Julie brought the kids to her home against my wishes (and apparently he doesn't want her to do that either for some reason). He kept telling me that the State needed to give Julie VERY specific guidelines on what she can and can not do with her kids. I told him that they told me that I would responsible for setting guidelines and enforcing them. He said "enforcing how?". Good question. I don't know. He is VERY concerned about Julie having no guidelines... No.... very concerned is an understatement of his behavior.

I told him that I understood why he was concerned. I know that HE wants the state to give Julie complete detailed instructions of what to do and how to do it... that I understood that Julie worked best like that. (Things she can accomplish like a checklist). But - I told him - once the State closes the case, they could honestly care less at how Julie does. That the State just wanted to make sure the kids were safe. If Julie is never well enough to get them back... they really don't care. It sounds cold - but it's the way they look at it.

The kids took the news remarkably well. Sure, they want to live with their mom - but they are happy with us as well. They are THRILLED that they will be able to spend the night with friends now. (If approved by us obviously) Kayte and Kayla go to see their therapist on Saturday and I'm curious to see if they are really doing well with this deep down, or if they are holding anything in.

Speaking of seeing the therapist and Kayla.... I was.......... thinking about asking her therapist if it was 'time' to allow Kayla internet access again. I know, I know, I said that I would never ever let her on the internet again. But she is doing so well.... she calls to check in with us, she does what she is told. She thinks ahead of time as to if she's doing something she might get in trouble for and asks about it. I would assume it's her Prozac working... so maybe it's time to give her a little freedom on the internet - albeit monitored freedom.

The funny thing is that - of the two girls - I'm more concerned with Kayte right now. Although she isn't directly 'involved' with anyone that is getting into trouble - she knows a LOT of people who are. She can easily name more than 10 people that she knows that have been arrested or put in Juvie. She knows even more than that who have been kicked out of school. She knows people who are in gangs here in Carrollwood.

Just the other day she went to the mall with a friend of hers. Her friend had a guy come up to her and wanted them to 'hang out with' him. This guy was scared... said that some gang (the Bloods or something like that) were going to beat him up. The girls decided not to hang out with him. Later that night, the boy had sure enough been jumped by these guys and it resulted in a stabbing and he got slashed in the face. Police and ambulance were there... it was bad.

Granted, Kayte and her friend were not directly involved. As she was telling me the story, I was not surprised. I caught myself wondering WHY wasn't I surprised by what I was hearing. Surely if Amanda or Jonathan had told me this same story I would have been FREAKING out!! Yet, with Kayte, I was not surprised. I realized that it was because, although she was not directly involved with these people, she knew of them. Friends of friends. And.... that is too close to being involved for me. I told Kayte that I was very unhappy with her choice of 'friends' and who she knows that have been in trouble. I told her no good could come of it and that if she wanted to make something of herself in life... she HAD to push away from that NOW.

This story came to us before we found out for sure we would get permanent custody. Last night when talking to the kids about what was going to happen with permanent custody... I told her that - in the past I had been lenient about this (and other things) as I understood it was a lifestyle they were somewhat accustomed to before living with me. But now that they were going to be 'legally mine' all that shit was going to stop immediately. When I tell her not to hang out with someone, it's going to be just because I said so... no discussion. If I say I don't want them to listen to booty music with vulgar lyrics at all, they are not going to listen to it - end of story.

And - I want to be clear here too.... I check on Kayte a LOT right now because of her knowing these people. I read her myspace all the time. Her friends list has lots of girls, and most of the guys look like they should be on "America's Most Wanted, Teen Edition". But she talks about them liking friends of hers... or her favorite lip gloss... or she's just bored... or what she had for dinner.... nothing earth-shattering by any means. Very childish, but expected as, after all, she is only 13. But I don't want anyone to get the impression she's becoming a wild child. I just think that through myspace and through friends of friends she 'knows' about these people. And I'm not liking it one bit. I will find a way to get her back on track though. :o)

Totally off subject, we've got to plan a vacation for the 6 of us. We should be going to the beach with Chris's step-sister Jennifer, her husband (and two new babies!), and their whole family/friends. But -- I dunno. It's all shared... like it's one big family although 6 or 7 different families, all come together to cook meals and hang out. I don't know about all 6 of us going. It would be FUN. But that's a lot of us... ya know? I dunno.... if we get our refund check quickly, I might just call and see what it would be to rent the condo for the week of the Fourth of July... if they have any condo's left. The kids all love the beach so much. And getting a condo is always great because you cook there. Love saving money! :o)

Report cards come home on Friday! I can't wait to tell you how everyone did. Kayte thinks she MIGHT have gotten honor roll. Jonathan... well.... I don't know what to guess about Jonathan. I hope and pray he did well. The high schoolers I know did well... all As, Bs and Cs. Although they know that now we expect only As and Bs from them. :o) It'll be really fun with them all in the same school next year. I know Jonathan is looking forward to having Chorus again. This year is his first year of having no chorus at all since...... well.... I don't know how long. Ben Hill just doesn't have any kind of music program. Sad huh?

I better run. Julie has a visit tonight and I've got to prepare myself for it. (Breathe in... breathe out.... ) On top of that the lady from the Children's Home will be at my house at 5 for a meeting as well. We've done nothing with them at all... it's been a complete waste of time thus far. I hope to get that appointment over with quickly.

I thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers every day. I can't tell you how much it means to know that people pray for us often.