Julie's Latest Roommate/Boyfriend

Yesterday afternoon was horrid. I received a phone call from Nick (the DCF/Hillsborough Kids supervisor).

Let me start by asking you this question..... "What is the ONE thing that would be the WORST kind of person Julie could meet and bring into her life. Worst being the worst case scenario for her wanting to get her kids back and her wanting unsupervised visits?" Think of the answer to that question and keep reading.

Nick told me that Julie's former roommate, Kat, had called in and written a report (complaint or accusation) about Julie and some poor decisions she had been making. Kat approached DCF because she was afraid of Julie being alone with her kids, which Julie had told her was going to happen soon. As I said, Kat was a roommate of Julie's and she has a small baby. Kat up and moved out with no notice one day - Julie came home and all of Kat's stuff was just -- gone. Kat named names of guys who were dating and (Kat says) living with Julie. One of them was named Rafael. Nick told me he could not tell me any more than that. I asked Nick if this guy was in a gang or was wanted by police and he said no.... but he couldn't tell me any more than that.

I found out shortly thereafter what was going on. Julie was online in some chat room where she met this guy... Rafael... the chat room was for parents who had 'lost' their kids. Rafael too had lost his children to DCF - lost them because he was sexually molesting them. Julie knew of this, but claims that she believes he didn't do it, even said that she had seen something in writing saying he didn't do it. (Course Julie isn't the brightest about this kind of thing) When Kat gave his name... DCF knew exactly who he was as they were actively working on his case. Because Nick was on his case, he was unable to give me any information about it.

I'm assuming that this was the reason Kat moved out of the house. And to say that DCF and the Guardian Ad Litem's office is a buzz about this would be a huge understatement. They are on fire... moving fast.

Nick plans on surprising Julie with a home visit. He said that there is absolutely no way she can possibly have unsupervised visits given this new information. He says... this changes everything. At next Tuesday's meeting he plans on closing the case an NOT allowing unsupervised visits. This would KILL Julie. My mind is reeling... my heart is breaking for her... and there is not a darn thing I can do about any of it.

Ironically, I'm not surprised. Julie is and always has been a sex addict, so her having men living there is not of a surprise to me - nor is it a surprise that she had a total and complete lack of rational thought about this man's morals and bringing him into her life given is shady past and current open investigation. This is one of the reasons the kids were taken from Julie to begin with -- Julie doesn't think about what is in the best interest of her Children... Julie does what is in Julie's best interest. Period.

On the positive emotional side of it, it's better that this is something that happened that Julie 100% did on her own and I had not a single iota of a hand in. (Meaning, unlike Julie offering the kids alcohol in my house, where I still was THERE and I was still the one who had to REPORT it.) I suppose if they are going to not allow her to have unsupervised visits, it's better for ME that it is because of something she did on her own that was reported some other way other than by me.

I asked Nick what was going to happen if Julie just said "Oh, I just know him, I'm not dating him. And if it'll make everyone feel better, I'll just stop seeing him". He said the problem was not only in that she was dating him, it was her horrible lack of judgement in doing so and her hiding it from everyone.

Dottie reminded me of the staffing in which DCF said they were going to have to do a home study on Julie and her house. (Come out and completely analyze everything going on in and around your home) They said they 'needed' to do this because Kat was there. Julie QUICKLY pointed out that Kat no longer lived there and she had no intentions of moving anyone else in, so they did not need to come out. Dottie said that she thought Julie appeared to be hiding something at that time. Funny really.

Speaking of the staffing... at the staffing the ONE thing I told Julie in front of everyone - if she had unsupervised visits, the ONE place she was NOT allowed to bring the kids was to her home. I cited multiple reasons for this... one being that there were still many memories which I didn't think they were ready to handle yet - the garage that was usually heavily covered in smoke from pot, the side of the house which they and their neighbors would go to sneak puffs of pot, the bedrooms in which they have vivid memories of other people having sex in their beds.... not to mention the fact that there are still many friends and neighbors whom I know were very 'bad' people and influences... but I don't know who they are nor how to keep the kids away from them. I don't trust Julie to do it on her own... so - the ONLY place I said she could not bring the kids -- her home.

Mom calls Julie yesterday... says "So, Julie, when you get your first unsupervised visit with the kids... what are you going to do?" Julie could have said anything... go to the park... to the mall... to the movies... for a walk.... just drive around... what does Julie say as the ONLY response? She's going to take the kids to her HOUSE. I was like............... WHATTTTTT???? Furthermore, Julie goes on to explain that - once the State closes the case... she can do ANYTHING she wants to do and nobody can say anything about it. I was livid.

I did talk to Julie about this last night... she said "I'm sick, I didn't know what I was saying". Yeah, right. So then she wants to talk to the kids to tell them that she was wrong. Wanting to hear what she is telling them, I listen in on the conversation. She tells them that she HAS to do whatever Auntie Tina tells them to do because "she is the boss". Justin said "I'm sure if Auntie Tina didn't want us there, she has a very good reason for it". Julie just replied with a "humph". (Who is the child and who is the adult in that conversation?? Hmmmm)

Julie then proceeds to tell the kids NOT to tell ANYONE but she's going to be getting a new roommate, Arthur. I've talked about Arthur before... he thought he was Kayla's father for a long time. He treats the kids very firmly (oddly as if they were his own kids). And when he and Julie broke up last time, he did some VERY bad things (hateful emails to everyone on Julie's computer, telling Kayla that he was glad that he wasn't her real father, etc). Now... I could care less honestly if this guy moves in with her. As her 'sister' I'm not thrilled, but it's not my life. But what I do COMPLETELY despise is Julie telling the kids to LIE to me and everyone else. To hide it. This really bothers me and I'm not sure what to do about it. This puts the kids in an awful situation that they should not be in.

I am just sick with nerves right now.
- What if they close the case with unsupervised visits? How am I supposed to trust Julie? She's already got it in her mind that she is allowed to do anything she wants with no rules.
- What if they close the case and say she has to have supervised visits? Then I'm stuck babysitting - for what? Forever?? Oh my good LORD.
- What if Julie finds out the truth that getting her kids back after the case is closed will be nearly impossible and she slips into depression?

I just finished reading the book "God's Smuggler" and the one thing I kept thinking as I was worrying about this all morning... maybe this happening was the result of God literally TAKING this out of my hands... Him telling me not to worry about it. Maybe God is saying.... I know you were worried about whether supervised or unsupervised was the right thing to do for the kids... I'll just take over and make the decision simple and take it out of your hands so you have nothing you need to worry about. Worry about what you can change - and leave the rest to Me.

On top of it, we've got lots going on at the house... Kayla's 16th Birthday is next week and she only wants to go out for all-you-can-eat crab legs (UCKKKK) and to go roller skating with a few friends. Sounds do-able, but add to that Justin wants to enroll in Baseball (Northside called last night and said they would bend the rules ever so slightly and will allow him to play there). But the cost - total - is $195. He reeeeeaallly wants to do it. I just don't know if I CAN. Tomorrow is an all-therapy day for the kids - which puts me out another $75. Then Jonathan's birthday is around the corner in February. Can't imagine why I'm worried, eh? God will make a way.... I'm sure he will. He always does.

Last night - after my afternoon-from-hell - I just wanted to go home, eat dinner, watch a little TV, sip a little wine, and go to bed early. I got home from work late (I hate leaving unless everything I have 'to-do' is done) and it was 7 pm by the time I finished explaining everything to Chris and we realized we needed to do something for dinner. We had already missed choir rehearsal. It was too late to defrost something and then start dinner... so.... we all got in the car and went to dinner! Now -- this may seem pretty normal -- but we have not been out to dinner, just the 6 of us all together, not ONCE in over a year since the kids have been with us. The kids thought it was a REAL treat. (Me too!!) We ate a very inexpensive dinner at Bob Evans, and I remember looking at the bill realizing that I could have spent the same amount of money had I gone to the grocery store to buy food just for the dinner that night.

The kids were.... excited. Loud. Excited and loud, yes, the two best words for them last night. When we got home, I told them that I had had a really bad day and I wanted them all to go to bed early so that I could have some quiet 'me-time' before 10:30 at night. They've also all been sick, so on top of them all bouncing off the walls, they are sneezing, coughing and hacking. UGG. So.... I give them all meds to help their colds.... and at 9 pm and all the kids went to their rooms. YESSSSS! Chris and I watched a little "Smallville".... had a glass of wine..... and went to bed early. Perfect!

I didn't tell you about Julie's last visit on Wednesday night. She came over, and wanted spaghetti for dinner. Chris cooked for us (yeah Chris!) and we ate rather early. Julie was not feeling very well (she's sick as well, she says she has bronchitis). But the kick is.... she brought over the movie "Jackass II, The Unrated Version". You know, the one she agreed the kids shouldn't see??? The one that had things so vulgar they couldn't put them in a movie. It irked me that we had agreed to not let the kids see it (although at the last visit she said the kids could watch it when they got home) - and she chose to bring it over anyways. But other than that, the visit was short and sweet. She went home early because she wasn't feeling well. Sigh.....

As I sit here typing my blog I realize why I do this. All morning long my heart was racing, palms sweaty, and nervous about everything going on with Julie and the kids. But I put it down here... and I reflect on what my heart is telling me. I realize that there is nothing I can do about Julie's decisions. I realize that this very well may be God's plan to take this out of my hands. I say it all the time in my blog... let God's will be done.... yet actually living it day-to-day is so very difficult. But when I put it down on paper (or the screen I guess) and I can look back, re-read, and reflect.... it becomes so very clear. Often time my own hubby will sit down and read my blog and say "wow, I didn't know you felt that way". And the fact of the matter is... often times even I don't know I'm feeling a certain way until I start to put it down. Then it all comes bubbling out and you end up with a novel of a blog. LOL

I suppose it somewhat saddens me that I need to write in order to feel the sense of calmness that I feel after blogging. Surely I should be able to see God's hand in things as they happen, not wait until reflecting later. But I suppose it's better late than never, eh?

Please pray for this situation. Pray for the kids... pray for us.... pray for Julie. God's will be done. Between now and next Tuesday it should get interesting. Expect to see more blogs from me asking for continued prayers.